How you speak can change everything.
With Allah's permission, effective speech can unlock hearts, bridge gaps, and turn enemies into friends.
In Islam, communication is not just about exchanging words. It is a powerful tool that Prophets عَلَيْهِمُ ٱلسَّلَامُ and the righteous used to call people to the path of Allah and bring them from the darkness of oppression into the light of guidance.
This post will delve into the Islamic etiquette of speaking, a timeless guide that shows us how to use words to inspire, heal, and unite.
The Divine Purpose Behind Communication
Communication is a gift from Allah that fosters understanding and builds relationships. But what is communication? And why do we communicate in the first place?
الحوار سبيل التعارف بين الناس
"Communication between people is a means to become acquainted with one another."
Allah created us with diverse languages and cultures, a sign of His infinite wisdom.
- He says:
وَمِن آياتِهِ خَلقُ السَّماواتِ وَالأَرضِ وَاختِلافُ أَلسِنَتِكُم وَأَلوانِكُم ۚ إِنَّ في ذٰلِكَ لَآياتٍ لِلعالِمينَ
"And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed, in that are signs for those of knowledge." (Ar-Rūm 22)
Our differences are not barriers but opportunities to learn and grow. Languages and traditions make our interactions more interesting. They help us understand and appreciate the diverse experiences that people have.
- It's through communication that we fulfil Allah's command:
يا أَيُّهَا النّاسُ إِنّا خَلَقناكُم مِن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثىٰ وَجَعَلناكُم شُعوبًا وَقَبائِلَ لِتَعارَفوا ۚ إِنَّ أَكرَمَكُم عِندَ اللَّهِ أَتقاكُم ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَليمٌ خَبيرٌ
"O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another."(Al-Hujurat 13)
So, effective communication in Islam isn't just about exchanging information; it's about connecting hearts and minds in the pursuit of gaining understanding and attaining righteousness.
The Art of Speaking: Islamic Etiquettes to Transform Your Speech
How can we make our words impactful, ensuring they resonate with others and please Allah? Islam provides us with profound etiquette to elevate our communication.
1. Speak Gently, Even to the Hardest Hearts
Imagine being tasked with advising the most tyrannical ruler. How would you approach him?
- Allah instructed Prophet Musa (Moses) and his brother Harun (Aaron) عَلَيْهِمَا ٱلسَّلَامُ to speak softly to Fir’awn:
ٱذْهَبَآ إِلَىٰ فِرْعَوْنَ إِنَّهُۥ طَغَىٰ
فَقُولَا لَهُۥ قَوْلًۭا لَّيِّنًۭا لَّعَلَّهُۥ يَتَذَكَّرُ أَوْ يَخْشَىٰ
"Go, both of you, to Pharaoh. Indeed, he has transgressed.
And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah]." (Taha 43-44)
If gentleness was commanded when addressing a tyrant, how much more should we employ it in our daily conversations? Harsh words can close hearts, but gentle speech can open even the most locked souls.
2. Use Wisdom: The Right Words at the Right Time
Effective communication isn't just about what we say but how and when we say it.
- Allah advises:
ادعُ إِلىٰ سَبيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالحِكمَةِ وَالمَوعِظَةِ الحَسَنَةِ ۖ وَجادِلهُم بِالَّتي هِيَ أَحسَنُ
"Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best." (An-Nahl 125)
Wisdom entails understanding the context, the audience, and the most appropriate approach. It's about tailoring your message so it touches both the mind and the heart. When discussions become heated, responding with patience and the best of manners can diffuse tension and foster understanding.
3. Speak Good or Remain Silent
Our words carry weight. They can uplift or harm, heal or hurt.
- Allah commands:
وَقُولُوا۟ لِلنَّاسِ حُسْنًا
"And speak to people good [words]." (Al-Baqarah 83)
Ibn Kathir, a renowned Islamic scholar, explains that this includes kind words, gentle advice, and speaking with respect and dignity.
- The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasised:
الكلمةُ الطيبةِ صدقةٌ
"The good word is charity." (Narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Every kind word you utter is an act of charity, a means of earning Allah's pleasure.
- Conversely, the Prophet ﷺ warned against foul language:
وإنَّ اللهَ يبغضُ الفاحشَ البذيءَ
"Indeed, Allah hates the obscene and foul-speaking person." (Narrated by at-Tirmidhi 2002)
By choosing our words carefully, we not only improve our relationships but also our standing with Allah.
- He ﷺ is also reported to have said:
مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ فَلَا يُؤْذِ جَارَهُ وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ فَلْيُكْرِمْ ضَيْفَهُ وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not harm his neighbor. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his guest. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak goodness or remain silent.” (Sahīh al-Bukhārī 6136)
4. Moderate Your Tone: The Power of a Calm Voice
It's not just what you say but how you say it.
- Luqman, a wise man mentioned in the Quran, advised his son:
وَاقصِد في مَشيِكَ وَاغضُض مِن صَوتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الأَصواتِ لَصَوتُ الحَميرِ
"And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys." (Luqman 19)
A soft tone conveys respect and sincerity. Raising your voice can agitate others and diminish the impact of your message. Instead of shouting to be heard, speak calmly and confidently.
5. Be Concise: Less Is Often More
Overwhelming someone with words can dilute your message. The Prophet ﷺ was known for his concise speech.
- Aisha رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا narrated:
أنَّ النَّبيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّمَ كانَ يُحَدِّثُ حَدِيثًا لو عَدَّهُ العَادُّ لَأَحْصَاهُ
"When the Prophet ﷺ spoke, if a person wanted to count his words, he could do so." (Narrated by al-Bukhari 3567)
Being brief and to the point makes your words more memorable and impactful. It shows respect for the listener's time and attention.
6. Repeat for Emphasis, Not Volume
- To ensure his message was understood, the Prophet ﷺ would repeat important points:
وإذَا تَكَلَّمَ بكَلِمَةٍ أعَادَهَا ثَلَاثًا
"When he spoke a word [or sentence], he would repeat it three times." (Narrated by al-Bukhari 94)
Repetition can reinforce your message without the need to raise your voice. It's a subtle way to highlight key points and ensure they're remembered.
Real-Life Examples: Lessons from the Prophets
The Quran and Sunnah are rich with examples of effective communication. Let's explore some inspiring instances.
Ibrahim's (Abraham's) Dialogue with His Father
- Prophet Ibrahim عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ approached his father, a staunch idolater, with utmost respect:
إِذْ قَالَ لِأَبِيهِ يَـٰٓأَبَتِ لِمَ تَعْبُدُ مَا لَا يَسْمَعُ وَلَا يُبْصِرُ وَلَا يُغْنِى عَنكَ شَيْـًٔا
يَـٰٓأَبَتِ إِنِّى قَدْ جَآءَنِى مِنَ ٱلْعِلْمِ مَا لَمْ يَأْتِكَ فَٱتَّبِعْنِىٓ أَهْدِكَ صِرَٰطًۭا سَوِيًّا
يَـٰٓأَبَتِ لَا تَعْبُدِ ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنَ ۖ إِنَّ ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنَ كَانَ لِلرَّحْمَـٰنِ عَصِيًّا
يَـٰٓأَبَتِ إِنِّىٓ أَخَافُ أَن يَمَسَّكَ عَذَابٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ فَتَكُونَ لِلشَّيْطَـٰنِ وَلِيًّا
قَالَ أَرَاغِبٌ أَنتَ عَنْ ءَالِهَتِى يَـٰٓإِبْرَٰهِيمُ ۖ لَئِن لَّمْ تَنتَهِ لَأَرْجُمَنَّكَ ۖ وَٱهْجُرْنِى مَلِيًّا
قَالَ سَلَـٰمٌ عَلَيْكَ ۖ سَأَسْتَغْفِرُ لَكَ رَبِّىٓ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ بِى حَفِيًّا
[Mention] when he said to his father, "O my father, why do you worship that which does not hear and does not see and will not benefit you at all?
O my father, indeed there has come to me of knowledge that which has not come to you, so follow me; I will guide you to an even path.
O my father, do not worship [i.e., obey] Satan. Indeed Satan has ever been, to the Most Merciful, disobedient.
O my father, indeed I fear that there will touch you a punishment from the Most Merciful so you would be to Satan a companion [in Hellfire]."
[His father] said, "Have you no desire for my gods, O Abraham? If you do not desist, I will surely stone you, so avoid me a prolonged time."
[Abraham] said, "Peace [i.e., safety] will be upon you. I will ask forgiveness for you of my Lord. Indeed, He is ever gracious to me. (Maryam 42-47)
Despite his father's threats and harshness, Ibrahim remained gentle, addressing him with "O my father" repeatedly. His respectful approach exemplifies how kindness can persist even when faced with rejection.
The Prophet Muhammad's ﷺ Public Da’wah
When the Prophet ﷺ was commanded to warn his close relatives, he employed a strategic approach to convey the message of Islam.
- The hadith regarding this incident is as follows:
لَمَّا نَزَلَتْ هَذِهِ الآيَةُ { وَأَنْذِرْ عَشِيرَتَكَ الأَقْرَبِينَ} وَرَهْطَكَ مِنْهُمُ الْمُخْلَصِينَ . خَرَجَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم حَتَّى صَعِدَ الصَّفَا فَهَتَفَ " يَا صَبَاحَاهْ " . فَقَالُوا مَنْ هَذَا الَّذِي يَهْتِفُ قَالُوا مُحَمَّدٌ . فَاجْتَمَعُوا إِلَيْهِ فَقَالَ " يَا بَنِي فُلاَنٍ يَا بَنِي فُلاَنٍ يَا بَنِي فُلاَنٍ يَا بَنِي عَبْدِ مَنَافٍ يَا بَنِي عَبْدِ الْمُطَّلِبِ " فَاجْتَمَعُوا إِلَيْهِ فَقَالَ " أَرَأَيْتَكُمْ لَوْ أَخْبَرْتُكُمْ أَنَّ خَيْلاً تَخْرُجُ بِسَفْحِ هَذَا الْجَبَلِ أَكُنْتُمْ مُصَدِّقِيَّ " . قَالُوا مَا جَرَّبْنَا عَلَيْكَ كَذِبًا . قَالَ " فَإِنِّي نَذِيرٌ لَكُمْ بَيْنَ يَدَىْ عَذَابٍ شَدِيدٍ " .
When this verse was revealed: "And warn thy nearest kindred" (and thy group of selected people among them) the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) set off till he climbed Safa' and called loudly: Be on your guard! They said: Who is it calling aloud? They said: Muhammad. They gathered round him, and he said: O sons of so and so, O sons of so and so, O sons of 'Abd Manaf, O sons of 'Abd al-Muttalib, and they gathered around him. He (the Apostle) said: If I were to inform you that there were horsemen emerging out of the foot of this mountain, would you believe me? They said: We have not experienced any lie from you. He said: Well, I am a warner to you before a severe torment. (Sahih Muslim 208a)
When Words Aren't Enough
Despite our best efforts, some hearts remain closed.
- Allah reminds us:
إِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ حَقَّتْ عَلَيْهِمْ كَلِمَتُ رَبِّكَ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ
وَلَوْ جَآءَتْهُمْ كُلُّ ءَايَةٍ حَتَّىٰ يَرَوُا۟ ٱلْعَذَابَ ٱلْأَلِيمَ
Indeed, those upon whom the word [i.e., decree] of your Lord has come into effect will not believe.
Even if every sign should come to them, until they see the painful punishment. (Yunus 96-97)
In such cases, we must accept that guidance is ultimately in Allah's hands. Our role is to convey the message in the best manner possible.
Conclusion: Let Your Words Be a Beacon of Light
Your words have the potential to be a source of immense good. By embracing the Islamic etiquettes of speaking, you can transform your communication into acts of worship that draw you closer to Allah and His creation.
- Speak gently, even when it's difficult.
- Use wisdom to choose the right words at the right time.
- Speak good or remain silent, making every word count.
- Moderate your tone, letting calmness amplify your message.
- Be concise, ensuring clarity and impact.
- Repeat for emphasis, not out of frustration.
By embodying these principles, you not only enhance your interactions but also contribute to a more compassionate and understanding world.
Unlock hearts with your words. Let your speech be a reflection of your faith, a tool for unity, and a means to earn Allah's pleasure.
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