Note: The following transcript was generated using AI and may contain inaccuracies.
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds. To Him is all praise, all good, and all praise is due to the Most Beautiful. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, alone, with no partner. He speaks the truth, and He is the Guide to the Path.
I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him and his family and his companions, and that they follow him in good faith until the Day of Judgment.
The Importance of Conversation in Marriage
In our last episode, I spoke about the importance of conversation in the marriage, and how Aisha, when the Prophet came back, had told him straight away of what happened. Now I want to shed light on another important point, which is the silence of the husband while the wife is talking.
A lot of the times, the brothers tend to not let the woman speak; they over-speak and they overcome the conversation. How important it is to let the woman and your wife speak, and you sit there listening. Especially this advice goes to people who are public speakers, teachers, and etc. Because you're the one who talks the most, so you're used to that personality, you're used to that character of talking. And so, you end up listening, you end up saying all your points in silence to the woman, and she doesn't say much.
The Prophet's Example
Our Prophet ﷺ was known, كان النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم يجلس مستمعاً. The Prophet ﷺ would listen. There's a difference between listening and hearing. That's why I'm saying listening; you listen to what she's saying. The Prophet ﷺ would listen to his wives.
And this word is considered, brothers, من حسن المعاشرة منه. This was an example of the Prophet's ﷺ good life with his wives. One of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ would go on mentioning a lengthy story, and he would listen to every bit of it. An entire story that she would be speaking for a while, and the Prophet ﷺ would listen. Maybe he would say one or two words while she would speak. But he's listening; he's not just hearing it, but he's listening to it, even if their speech was long.
The reason why I'm emphasizing this is because a lot of the times us brothers fall short in this matter when the woman's conversation goes over long. We say, "Okay, is that, are we finished yet?" And that's a very bad character. That really defeats حسن المعاشرة. Even when you and your wife are having a dialogue, a conversation, or a heated conversation, listen to what she's saying and hear what she's pointing out. If your character is that when she's talking you're like, "Have you finished yet? Have you finished yet?" you're not listening. You're hearing what she's saying, but you're not listening.
Aisha's Story
Let's look at what the Prophet ﷺ did to our mother Aisha. Aisha, Urwat ibn Zubairin, he mentioned that Aisha sat one day with the Prophet ﷺ and she said to the Prophet of Allah. She said, قَالتْ جَلَسَ إِحْدَىٰ عَشَرَةَ امْرَعَةَ. So she told the Prophet a story of 11 women.
She said, يا رسول الله، there were 11 women who sat down. فَتَعَاهَدْنَا وَتَعَاقَدْنَا أَلَّا يَقْتُمْنَا مِنْ أَخْبَارِ أَزْوَادِهِمْنَا. These 11 women made a promise that they are not going to conceal the stories of their husbands. And I'm not going to go through this hadith right now because Shaykh Muhammad Ibn Hanbal, حفظه الله و لعاه, has already explained the hadith of Umm Zahra.
I have another purpose in why I'm mentioning the hadith. I'm mentioning it because it's a lengthy hadith and the Prophet ﷺ, he only said a line in it. So Aisha رضي الله تعالى عنها went and spoke about all the 11 women.
قَالَتِ الْأُولَىٰ زَوْجِي لَحْمُ جَبَلٍ غَثْ عَلَىٰ رَأْسِ جَبَلٍ لَا سَهْلٌ فَيُرْتَقَىٰ وَلَا سَمِينٌ فَيُنْتَقَلْ. The second one said, زَوْجِي لَا أَبُثُّ خَبَرَهُ إِنِّي أَخَافُ أَلَّا أَذَرَهُ إِنْ أَذْكُرُ أَذْكُرُ عُجَزَهُ وَبُجَرَهُ. The third one she said, زَوْجِي لَا أَنْطِقْ أُطَلَّقْ وَإِنْ أَسْكُتْ أُعَلَّقْ. The fourth one she said, زَوْجِي كَلِيلٌ تِهَامَةٌ لَا حَرٌ وَلَا قُرٌ وَلَا مَخَافَةٌ وَلَا مَخَافَةٌ وَلَا سَآمَةٌ قَالَتِ الْخَامِسَةُ. The fifth one she said, زَوْجِي إِنْ دَخَلَ فَهِدْ وَإِنْ خَارَجَ آسِدْ وَلَا يَسْأَلُ عَمَّا عَهِدْ. The sixth one she said, زَوْجِي إِنْ أَكَلَ لَفْتُ. If my husband comes in, he eats everything وَإِنْ شَرِبَ اشْتَفْ وَإِنِ الضَّجْعَ إِلْتَفْ وَلَا يُولِجُ الْكَفَّ لِيَعْلَمَ الْبَثُ. The seventh one she said, زَوْجِي غَيَيَاءٌ طَبَقَاءٌ كُلُّ دَاءٍ لَهُ دَوَاءٌ شَجَّكِ أَوْ فَلَّكِ أَوْ جَمَعَ كُلًّا لَكِ. The eighth one she said, زَوْجِي المسُّ أَرْنَبٍ وَالرِّيحُ رِيحُ زَرْنَبٍ. The ninth one she said, زَوْجِي رَفِيعُ الْعِمَادِ طَوِيلُ النِّجَادِ عَظِيمُ الرَّمَادِ قَرِيبُ الْبَيْتِ مِنَ النَّابِ. The tenth one she said, زَوْجِي مَالِكٌ وَمَا مَالِكٌ مَالِكٌ خَيْرٌ مِن ذَلِكِ لَهُ إِبْلٌ كَتِيرَاتُ الْمُبَارَكِ قَلِيلَاتُ الْمَسَارِحِ وَإِذَا سَمِعْنَ صَوْتَ الْمِزْهَرِ أَيْقَنَ أَنَّهُنَّ هَوَالِكُ. The eleventh one, who the hadith is named after, she said, زَوْجِي أَبُو زَرْعٌ فَمَا أَبُو زَرْعٍ نَاسٌ مِنْ حُرِيٍّ أُذُنِي نَاسٌ مِنْ حُرِيٍّ أُذُنِي وَمَلَأَ مِنْ شَحْمِي أَعْضُدَيْ. She is describing her husband by praising him.
So she says, نَاسٌ مِنْ حُرِيٍّ. A lot of people, her husband, her previous husband, she was married before. She was married to أبو زرع and then after that he divorced her and she married another man after it. So she mentions what أبو زرع is like in comparison to her previous husband, how he adorned her and beautified her وَمَلَأَ مِنْ شَحْمِي أَعْضُدَيْ وَبَجَّحْتُ إِلَيَّ نَفْسِي وَجَدَنِي فِي أَهْلِ غُنَيْمَةٍ بِشِقٍ فَجَعَلَنِي فِي أَهْلِ سَهِيلٍ وَاطِيطٍ وَدَائِسٍ وَمُنَقَةٍ.
The hadith is very famous. She went and mentioned all of that to عائشة رضي الله تعالى. The Prophet listened. He listened عليه الصلاة والسلام. And the Prophet said to her at the ending, كُنتُ لَكِ كَأَبِي زَرْعٍ لِأُمُّ زَرْعٍ. That's it. Hadith Bukhari Muslim both are narrated. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, when he listened to all of that, as she described it, she went into more details of أبو زرع. The Prophet said to her, كُنتُ لَكِ كَأَبِي زَرْعٍ لِأُمُّ زَرْعٍ. I am to you as أبي زرع is to أم زرع. Another wording of the hadith mentioned, إِلَّا أَنِّي لَأُطَلِّقُ. I am to you the way أبي زرع is to أم زرع, except that I'm not going to divorce you.
This is another thing. Women love to be told reassurance. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. Me and you are going to grow old together." It means a lot to women, and it means a lot to the relationship.
Conclusion
The point here is that the Prophet listened. She spoke, he listened. This is very long. So عُسْنُ عِشْرَةِ الْمَرْءِ, as they say, عُسْنُ عِشْرَةِ الْمَرْءِ أَهْلَهُ بِتَأْنِيثِ وَالْمُحَادَثَةِ بِالْأُمُورِ الْمُبَاحَةِ مَا لَمْ يُفْضِ ذَلِكَ إِلَى مَا يُمْنَعُ. One of the great ways to live with your wife is to what? Cuddle her, talk to her in matters which are good, not backbiting, not things which are haram. وَفِيهِ الْمَزْحُ أَحْيَانًا وَبَصْطُ النَّفْسِ بِهِ. Sometimes to joke and to open up, okay? وَمُدَاعَبَةُ الرَّجُلِ أَهْلَهُ وَإِعْلَامُهُ بِمَحَبَّتِهِ لَهَا مَا لَمْ يُؤَدِّ ذَلِكَ إِلَى مَفْسِدَةٍ.
The husband expresses his love for his wife as long as he doesn't force the matter to become worse. The husband tells his wife that he appreciates her, that he admires her.
I'm going to stop there inshallah. If I've said anything wrong or incorrect, peace from me and shaytan and Allah and his messengers. Peace from me. Subhanaka Allahumma wa bihamdihi ash-shaytani wa la ilaha illa Allah. Astaghfirullah.
