Answer: It can often be the case that a parent might not have enough knowledge to understand the way you practise Islam and to appreciate the importance of practising Islam the way the Prophet ﷺ and his companions رضي الله عنهم did. Sometimes, parents may hold misconceptions or cultural ideas that prevent them from understanding your perspective, and they might even make things difficult for you in that regard.
The first thing to remember is that Allah commanded us to show obedience and kindness towards our parents. Even in situations where they encourage us to do something wrong—such as associating partners with Allah—Allah still commands kindness towards them.
Allah says:
وَإِن جَـٰهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰٓ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِى مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۖ وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا ۖ
But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge,1 do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness (Surah Luqman 15)
This verse teaches us that kindness towards your parents should not disappear, even if they pressure you into doing something forbidden or discourage you from doing what is right. It also doesn’t mean you should stop making du’a for them or showing them respect and love.
At the same time, there is a golden principle in Islam:
لَا طَاعَةَ لِمَخْلُوقٍ فِي مَعْصِيَةِ الْخَالِقِ
"There is no obedience to creation if it involves disobedience to the Creator."
Obedience to Allah always comes first. However, if you ever need to disobey your father, it must be done with absolute respect and kindness.
As for helping your father understand your perspective, one of the challenges is that it’s difficult for a parent to listen to their child, as parents often believe they know better. A wonderful example lies in the way Prophet Ibrahim عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ spoke to his father. He said:
يَـٰٓأَبَتِ إِنِّى قَدْ جَآءَنِى مِنَ ٱلْعِلْمِ مَا لَمْ يَأْتِكَ فَٱتَّبِعْنِىٓ أَهْدِكَ صِرَٰطًا سَوِيًّا
O my father, indeed there has come to me of knowledge that which has not come to you, so follow me; I will guide you to an even path. (Surah Maryam 43)
Notice the respect and kindness in his words.
Show your father the beauty of Islam and the Sunnah through your actions and behaviour. Make du’a for him, asking Allah to soften his heart.
Allah says:
وَلَا تَسْتَوِي ٱلْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا ٱلسَّيِّئَةُ ٱدْفَعْ بِٱلَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا ٱلَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُۥ عَدَٰوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُۥ وَلِىٌّ حَمِيمٌ وَمَا يُلَقَّىٰهَآ إِلَّا ٱلَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا۟ وَمَا يُلَقَّىٰهَآ إِلَّا ذُو حَظٍّ عَظِيمٍ
"Good and evil cannot be equal. Repel evil with what is better, and your enemy will become as close as an intimate friend. But none will attain this except those who are patient, and none will attain it except those who are truly fortunate." (Surah Fussilat 34–35)
This situation requires wisdom. When you advise your father, do so kindly and respectfully. Avoid approaches that might worsen the situation. Instead, focus on softening his heart and strengthening his connection to Allah. Through this, he may come to appreciate the beauty of Islam as you practise it.
Sometimes, it may not be you who can advise him effectively. It could be helpful to ask someone else—perhaps a relative, friend, or scholar—who your father respects, to advise him instead. With patience and effort, Allah may soften his heart.
In the meantime, continue practising Islam in a way that pleases Allah. Remember to always remain patient and respectful, even if you face opposition. If disobedience to your father becomes necessary, ensure it is done with kindness and gentleness.
And Allah knows best.
— Answered by Ustadh Muhammad Tim Humble
