Note: This transcript was generated using AI and can contain inaccuracies.
Jazakallahu Khairan once again for joining me on the Hot Seat Podcast — not your first time of course — and I’d like to remind anybody who's kind of coming across our podcast in the last few months that this is something that we started in 2019. We've had about 20 to 21 episodes so far, and you've been on it numerous times. So if anybody does want to see those episodes, they can refer to our channel and have a look at the playlist section, where they should see The Hot Seat Podcast.
Having said that, this is probably one of the most requested episodes. I think frequently when I go through the comment section, a lot of people are asking for the topic of feminism. And that’s because it’s so relevant — particularly for Muslims in the West. In the last couple of decades perhaps, there’s been a real push to have gender neutrality and gender equality, and a lot of sincere Muslims — whether they be brothers or sisters — they really have the question on their mind:
Is Islam a misogynistic religion? Does it oppress women? How does Islam deal with the issue of men and women being equal?
And that’s kind of the set of questions that I want to be answering today.
As I often do, I'm going to give you a 10-minute introduction to lay down some principles and some foundations before we go into the discussion in a little bit more detail. It is a very, very important topic and it is a topic that a lot of people are asking about.
I think it would be beneficial to lay down some principles that will help us to frame our discussion — and maybe things we can come back to time and time again.
So the very first principle that I want to share with everyone is that:
Islam is a religion of justice, not equality.
It is a religion of justice, not necessarily a religion of equality in everything.
I'll give you a couple of examples of that. Allah said:
إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ “Indeed, Allah commands justice.”
And doing good to others. And giving to your relatives. So Allah ʿAzza wa Jall commanded justice.
But nowhere in the Qur’an did Allah command equality. Rather, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta‘ala, in several places in the Qur’an, criticizes people who make things equal that are not equal.
For example, Allah ‘Azza wa Jall said:
أَفَنَجْعَلُ ٱلْمُسْلِمِينَ كَٱلْمُجْرِمِينَ مَا لَكُمْ كَيْفَ تَحْكُمُونَ “Shall We then make the Muslims like the criminals? What is the matter with you? How do you judge?”
And in many ayat, Allah talked about how the heat is not equal to the shade, and how the one who can see is not equal to the one who is blind, and so on. So Islam is not a religion that commands equality necessarily, but it is a religion that commands justice.
The second principle that I would like to lay down is the basic concept in Islam that men and women are different, and that there isn’t a virtue in men and women being the same.
For that, of course, we can quote the ayah in which Allah ‘Azza wa Jall tells us about the wife of Imran, the mother of Maryam (ʿalayhas-salām), when she said:
رَبِّ إِنِّي وَضَعْتُهَا أُنثَىٰ وَاللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ بِمَا وَضَعَتْ وَلَيْسَ الذَّكَرُ كَالْأُنثَىٰ “O my Lord! I have given birth to a girl.” And Allah knew better what she had given birth to. “And the male is not like the female.”
It's interesting — and probably not so much to cover in depth now — but just to touch upon the idea of Maryam: how her mother envisaged she would have a boy, and imagined all the things that boy would do. Yet Allah Subhanahu wa Ta‘ala gave her better than what she had imagined by giving her a girl.
And I think that’s something beautiful to come back to — just to remember that story of Maryam, but to take from it the principle that men and women are fundamentally different.
I think it's really important to highlight that neither men nor women have a choice when it comes to the Sharī‘ah of Islam. And that is something in which men and women are equal.
Allah ‘Azza wa Jall clearly said:
وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ وَلَا مُؤْمِنَةٍ إِذَا قَضَى ٱللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُۥٓ أَمْرًا أَن يَكُونَ لَهُمُ ٱلْخِيَرَةُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِمْ ۗ وَمَن يَعْصِ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥ فَقَدْ ضَلَّ ضَلَٰلًۭا مُّبِينًۭا “It is not for a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided a matter, that they should have any choice in their affair. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly gone far astray.”
Look at how Allah ‘Azza wa Jall said the believing man and the believing woman — neither has the right to choose after the Sharī‘ah has come with a ruling. So here, Muslim men and women are equal in submission and in having no choice in the matters already decided by Allah and His Messenger ﷺ.
The fourth principle I would like to talk about is that Islam isn’t about a woman submitting to a man. It’s about men and women submitting to Allah ‘Azza wa Jall.
Allah Subhanahu wa Ta‘ala told us:
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَـٰكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍۢ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَـٰكُمْ شُعُوبًۭا وَقَبَآئِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوٓا۟ ۚ إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَتْقَىٰكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ “O mankind, We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes so that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the one with the most taqwa. Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.”
There’s a beautiful story from the story of Hājar, when Ibrahim (ʿalayhis-salām) left her in Makkah, without anything, in a barren valley. She said to him something I believe could be a principle for us as we move forward:
ءَاللَّهُ ٱلَّذِى أَمَرَكَ بِهَٰذَا؟ “Was it Allah who commanded you to do this?” He said: “Yes.” She replied: إِذًۭا لَا يُضَيِّعُنَا “Then He will not abandon us.”
And Allah Subhanahu wa Ta‘ala said:
إِنِّى لَآ أُضِيعُ عَمَلَ عَامِلٍۢ مِّنكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ أَوْ أُنثَىٰ ۚ بَعْضُكُم مِّنۢ بَعْضٍ “I will not cause the work of any worker among you, male or female, to be lost. You are from one another.”
Whether male or female, your deeds are not lost. You are from one another.
I think it’s really important that we don’t seek to gain something that someone else has been given by Allah, nor do we waste our time coveting what Allah has given to someone else.
Allah ‘Azza wa Jall said:
وَلَا تَتَمَنَّوْا۟ مَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بِهِۦ بَعْضَكُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ ۚ لِلرِّجَالِ نَصِيبٌۭ مِّمَّا ٱكْتَسَبُوا۟ ۖ وَلِلنِّسَآءِ نَصِيبٌۭ مِّمَّا ٱكْتَسَبْنَ ۚ وَسْـَٔلُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ مِن فَضْلِهِۦٓ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ بِكُلِّ شَىْءٍ عَلِيمًۭا “Do not wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others. For men is a share of what they have earned, and for women is a share of what they have earned. And ask Allah of His bounty. Verily, Allah is All-Knowing of everything.”
There’s a beautiful principle from the qawā‘id al-fiqhiyyah (legal maxims of fiqh) that says:
العِبْرَةُ لِلْغَالِبِ الشَّائِعِ، لَا لِلنَّادِرِ “Consideration is given to what is common and prevalent, not to what is rare or exceptional.”
The basic principle in rulings is that rulings apply to both men and women, because the Prophet ﷺ said:
إِنَّ النِّسَاءَ شَقَائِقُ الرِّجَالِ “Women are the full sisters of men.”
Meaning, if the Qur’an brings a ruling, that ruling is for men and women, unless there is a clear reason for it to be for men only or for women only.
We also want to clarify that an individual woman can be far better than an individual man. That’s very important because a lot of times people think that when we talk about men and women, we’re talking about all men and all women. But in reality, the evidences are undeniable that there will be many women who are above many men in Jannah.
Just take the examples of:
- Maryam
- Asiyah, the wife of Fir‘awn
- Fāṭimah
- ʿĀ’ishah
- The wives of the Prophet ﷺ
- And the female companions (رضي الله عنهن)
There is no doubt that many women have precedence in the sight of Allah over many men.
We’re talking about rulings, not individual virtue.
Ultimately, we can conclude by saying that:
Islam is a religion of wisdom — حِكْمَةٌ بَالِغَةٌ And: وَلَا يَظْلِمُ رَبُّكَ أَحَدًا “Your Lord does not oppress anyone.”
I think with that, we can make a good start in shā’ Allāh on the topic.
Okay, in shā’ Allāh, I think that’s the first time we’ve actually gone within time. You’ve still got one minute and fifty seconds left. So let me stop the timer there, in shā’ Allāh.
Okay, I think that was really important, and I think you laid down some really good principles that I'm sure we're going to refer back to as we continue the discussion.
Just to summarize some of them—I won't catch all of them, but just some of them—you mentioned that Islam is not a religion that necessarily dictates equality; rather, it commands justice. And there is a difference between the two. Just explain for the viewers what you mean by that kind of difference between justice and equality.
So, equality is where two things are made to be the same—they're made to be equal. And justice is what the scholars define the word “justice” as: “putting something in its proper place.” So to put something in its proper place may be to put something lower than something else, or to give something more than something else. But that would be done in a way that is just—not in a way that necessarily means “one for one and one for the other.”
Yeah, yeah. I think the example that I often come across in the dunya, for example—which nobody would deny—is the food that an adult eats is not the same food that a child eats. And it would be equal to give them the same food, but it would also be very dangerous and very harmful. So I don't think that's really a concept that anybody can really dispute, particularly when we apply it in matters like that.
The second thing that you mentioned was that—or one of the things that you mentioned—was that both men and women, when it comes to the rulings in Islam, they have been... it's their obligation to submit to them. If it comes from Allah and His Messenger ﷺ, whether you're a man, whether you're a woman—you have no choice but to submit to it. And of course, that's from the root word of Islam as well: submission.
And the final thing you mentioned is that it's not right for any gender to want what the other gender has been given by, of course, Allah and His Messenger ﷺ. And of course, that doesn't apply just to genders—it applies throughout the dunya, throughout the world. People are given more wealth than others, and it's just... it's not going to be very time-efficient to really just wish that you had this kind of wealth, that you've been given something less than that.
Exactly. Make use of what you have been given, rather than wishing to be somebody else.
Okay, let's go into some of the more specific questions. And I know you mentioned—and this is something that you have an opportunity to expand on—the issue of inequality. Because a lot of women really do feel that men have been given this superior status above and over them in the religion of Islam. And this is something that they admit—this is from Allah and His Messenger ﷺ—but they do question why. And it does often... it makes them feel like life is difficult for them.
And of course, there's a couple of ayats in the Qur'an:
- Ar-rijālu qawwāmūna ʿala an-nisāʾ
- Wa li’r-rijāli ʿalayhinna darajah, wallāhu ʿazīzun ḥakīm
Both of these ayats indicate that men are superior to women—that they've been given a degree of authority over women.
How would you explain that for someone who might be struggling to understand that?
So there's no doubt that Allah ʿAzza wa Jall said: Ar-rijālu qawwāmūna ʿala an-nisāʾ bimā faḍḍalallāhu baʿḍahum ʿala baʿḍ Men have a qawwāmah. And qawwāmah, what it really means is—it means an authority or a responsibility. A responsibility to be in charge—something like that—over women, by what Allah has given some of them over others: Wa bimā anfaqū min amwālihim "And by what they spend out of their wealth."
The first thing I think is really important is: when we talk about qawwāmah, we talk about the issue of authority—we talk about the man being the head of the household. It is really, really important to understand that authority in and of itself can be as much of a trial as it is something good.
Okay. And for example, the Prophet ﷺ, he said: Kullukum rāʿin wa kullukum masʾūlun ʿan raʿiyyatihi "Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you will be asked about his flock." So he mentioned in this the man and the woman. He mentioned that the man is responsible for his family, and he will be asked about it by Allah ʿAzza wa Jall: what did you do with that family?
The second thing is that the woman is also responsible. It's not that the woman has been given no qawwāmah, or no responsibility or authority at all. Actually, she has been given it—over the children, she has been given it. And that's a really important point to bear in mind: this idea that male and female children both have a right of obedience towards their mother. But that's a responsibility in the sight of Allah ʿAzza wa Jall.
It's really important also to remember that when we talk about obedience, obedience is not absolute to any human being except for the Messenger ﷺ. And that's why Allah ʿAzza wa Jall said:
Yā ayyuhā alladhīna āmanū aṭīʿū Allāha wa aṭīʿū al-rasūla wa ulī al-amri minkum "O you who believe, obey Allah"—absolutely. "Obey the Messenger"—absolutely. "And those in authority over you." He didn’t repeat the word obey here—meaning that obedience to them is subject to it being obedience to Allah and His Messenger ﷺ.
So what that gives the woman is—it gives her the right that her husband is not permitted to ask her to do something which is ḥarām. Okay? He’s not allowed. And if he asks her, she has no obligation—in fact, it would not be permissible for her to obey him at all. So she is only obeying him in that which is obedience to Allah and to the Prophet ﷺ.
It's also important to note that the ruler is not necessarily better than the one who is ruled over in general. So, for example, if we take—let’s say—the Imām of the Muslims, who is in charge of the Muslims. He’s in charge over everyone: male and female, right? We have to obey him because Allah told us to obey the one in charge—generally. Whether he’s in charge of the family, in charge of the region, in charge of the country, in charge of all of the Muslims.
Does that mean that him being in charge necessarily makes him better than the people he’s in charge over? Better as in more pious? Better in the sight of Allah? Better in the sight of Allah at all? There’s not a single evidence to say that the ruler is better in the sight of Allah than the one who is ruled over.
So that husband who has been given that qawwāmah may not be better in the sight of Allah than that woman. And the clearest of evidences for this is Āsiyah, the wife of Firʿawn—Firʿawn, who is from the worst of the worst, and among the leaders that will take the people into Jahannam. And his wife—one of the people, the Prophet ﷺ said—that she completed her Īmān. Her Īmān was complete. She completed her faith.
Just because Firʿawn had authority of the head of the household—of the husband—over her, doesn’t mean that he was better than her. In fact, we know for a fact he wasn’t.
So this idea of craving over authority, and that authority is better—I believe it's not an Islamic idea.
And the Prophet ﷺ, he said to Abu Dharr actually—he said to him in a hadith, in the hadith narrated by Muslim—he said: يَا أَبَاذَرُ، إِنِّي أَرَاكَ ضَعِيفًا، وَإِنِّي أُحِبُّ لَكَ مَا أُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِي “I see you to be weak, and I love for you what I love for myself. So don’t make yourself in charge of two people.”
And he said: “I love you, Abu Dharr. I love for you, but I can see it’s not good for you. It’s not good for you to have that responsibility. So I don’t want you to take responsibility over even two people.” The hadith narrated by Muslim.
Apply that now—that Allah ʿAzza wa Jall has chosen the man of the household to be responsible for the woman, and He’s given him, given that man a degree of authority over her, within what is permissible in Islam and within what is pleasing to Allah ʿAzza wa Jall.
Allah ʿAzza wa Jall knows us: أَلَا يَعْلَمُ مَنْ خَلَقَ “Doesn’t the one who created know?” He knows us. He knows what’s good for us. He knows what’s going to bring good for us or not.
The Prophet ﷺ came to Abu Dharr, who’s a man, and he said to him: “Abu Dharr, I love for you what I love for myself. Don’t be in charge of two people.”
So shouldn’t we not take—as a woman, a Muslim woman—should she not then accept that Allah ʿAzza wa Jall has chosen that for her, that He knows her? And the Prophet ﷺ loved for the Muslims what he loved for himself. So don’t take that responsibility.
Again, remember what we said in the beginning, in terms of principles: that the Shariʿah looks at al-ghālib, al-shāʾiʿ. It looks at that which is commonplace and normal. It doesn’t look at the fact that there might be situations in which there is a woman who would be far better to be responsible for her husband. It looks at the majority of situations.
Add to that even: is it a requirement that the man should use that authority at all times? In reality, not really. The man is more than welcome to consult with his wife, ask his wife, take her opinion, prefer her opinion, give her responsibility for something within the family. At the end of the day, it’s about organizing the society. It’s not necessarily about him having complete control.
And even in this, let’s give an example—that this authority doesn’t extend to everything. Let’s look at the spending of the woman. The majority of the scholars of Islam, they held that the man has no right to dictate to his wife what she does with her money. So it’s not, again, even an absolute authority in everything. And there are exceptions to it.
So I think when we look at all of these things together, we see it isn’t easy. I mean, it’s not easy for a woman to necessarily fit into that and say to herself that she’s going to respect her husband’s authority and respect him as the head of the household. But Allah ﷻ has organized our society. It’s obedience to Allah—not obedience to a man. And that’s ultimately what the argument is, isn’t it? It’s about women being subservient to men. But here, it’s about obedience to Allah ﷻ, not about a man to a woman. And it’s about organizing the society.
There are many exceptions and many cases. Like we mentioned, for example, the male child towards his mother—that’s an example of a man obeying a woman. And the obedience there is of a very high degree. The Prophet says three times: “Your mother, your mother, your mother.” Many of the scholars, they took this to mean obedience—that a woman has, a mother has—three times the right of obedience over the father.
So I think this is what we talked about. It’s fairness. It’s justice. It works in the society rather than it being necessarily the same.
I think this issue of authority is going to be something that we’re going to come back to. I really want to go into the example of husband and wife more specifically later on in the podcast.
But there's no doubt it's an underlying principle that a lot of people have an issue with. What if someone said to you that the way that Allah has designed this—it might not be intended to oppress women—but there's no doubt that many men can, and they do, take advantage of this authority, and therefore it results in oppressing women?
Why couldn't it just be equal partners? You're both married together, living together, raising children together—why couldn't it just be an equal partnership?
So there's no doubt that there are many cases in which people oppress other people—not just men or husbands oppressing their women—but there are many cases in which people generally oppress other people because of their authority and their power.
I think there are a couple of things to bear in mind.
Number one, this oppression typically happens when people distance themselves from Islam. The more the husband is in line with Islam and what Islam commands him to do, the more likely it is that he's going to treat his wife in the best possible way.
Isn't this particular example exactly in line with Islam? Because Islam is actually saying: men, you have a right over women. Whereas if Islam said you both are equal parties, we wouldn't really have this issue.
But here we're not talking about— We're talking about— You specifically mentioned oppression.
وَلَا يَظْلِمُ رَبُّكَ أَحَدًا “Your Lord does not oppress anyone.”
So there's no— I'm talking about a man oppressing his wife.
He cannot be in line with Islam if he's oppressing his wife—because there is no oppression in Islam. He has to have gone outside of Islam. And that's why it was said in the early days that when it comes to marrying your daughter to somebody, that you should look for a person of religion. Because however he feels about that woman, he's going to treat her well.
The Prophet ﷺ said: استوصوا بالنساء خيرا “Treat your women to the highest standard.”
So that is what you would see from a man who is practicing Islam properly.
That's my first point.
My second point on this topic is that even the society as a whole—there are checks and balances, or there should be checks and balances, within that society.
So many, many times you see—and there are examples I'm sure we're going to come to in terms of husband and wife relationships and things like that—where the female companions went to the Prophet ﷺ. They complained: "The men are doing this," "Tell the men to do this," "I've come because my husband is like this."
Simple example: قَدْ سَمِعَ اللَّهُ قَوْلَ الَّتِي تُجَادِلُكَ فِي زَوْجِهَا وَتَشْتَكِي إِلَى اللَّهِ "Allah has certainly heard the statement of the woman who came to complain about her husband."
That's part of the checks and balances—that she goes to the person who is in the position of rulership, or the qadi, the one who is the judge, and says, "My husband is not treating me properly." And that's supposed to be dealt with. That's another point.
And the third thing is that many times, oppression takes place in this world—across the board, in many different ways—and a person is rewarded for it in the hereafter. Because ultimately, this is an issue of qadr, right? That there are issues of oppression happening all over the world. People are being oppressed in many different regards. And ultimately, Allah might raise a person because of some oppression that they suffer or some hardship that they go through.
It's not because Allah loves that, but because Allah ﷻ wants to raise that person through it.
Having said that, it's our job as Muslims to stand against all kinds of oppression. Like the statement of the Prophet ﷺ:
"Help your brother whether he's an oppressor or oppressed."
He said, "If he's oppressed, we know how to help him. But how shall we help him if he is a zalim, if he's an oppressor?" The Prophet ﷺ told him: "Stop him. Stop him from his oppression. Stop that person from doing that oppression."
So it's our job to actually correct the situation. And there are many times in Islam where, if the rules of Islam are not followed, then no doubt it leads to oppression and it leads to people having their rights taken away.
And that's not the fault of the religion of Islam—but that's the fault of the way people practice it.
Okay. One thing that obviously you mentioned in your introduction as a golden principle is that when it comes to attaining reward in the hereafter, men and women are equal in that. And they both have an equal chance of attaining the hereafter—which, of course, is the main goal. At least it should be the main goal for Muslims.
Having said that, there is a hadith that I'd like to ask you about and quiz you on. Because how can you claim that, if we have a clear-cut hadith in Sahih al-Bukhari, where the Prophet ﷺ said:
"O women, give sadaqah, as I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hellfire are you—women."
Doesn't this clearly prove that actually there's not even an equal chance in the hereafter—because most women are actually going to end up in the Hellfire?
This is a very important hadith you mentioned. Very important hadith. The hadith, as you mentioned, the Prophet ﷺ said:
يَا مَعْشَرَ النِّسَاءِ تَصَدَّقْنَ وَأَكْثِرْنَ الْإِسْتِغْفَارَ فَإِنِّي رَأَيْتُكُنَّ أَكْثَرَ أَهْلِ النَّارِ
He said: "O women, give charity and make a lot of istighfar—seek a lot of forgiveness—for I have seen that women are the majority of the people of the Fire."
I think the first question we have to ask here—the hadith is a long hadith, we'll come back to it—but the first thing we have to ask is: Is the reason that she is in the Fire because she's a woman?
That's not the case. In fact, the Prophet ﷺ mentioned specifically the reasons why that person is taken to the Fire. For example, if I were to say to you that the majority of the people of the Fire are—I don’t know—are from a particular country, for example. The fact that they're from that... that's a factual matter as to the composition of the people of the Fire. But it doesn’t mean that that was the reason. Being a woman is not the reason she’s from the people of the Fire. Otherwise, that would apply to all women, right? It would be just that she's a woman, she goes to the Fire.
As I was saying, the majority of the people of the Fire are people who had two arms—it doesn’t mean that just because they had two arms, they end up in the Fire. It’s just a characteristic that they have. It’s just description. There’s a reason for it.
The Prophet ﷺ also—he didn’t specify that this relates to the Muslims either. He didn’t specify particularly. But he mentioned certain things. So he mentioned: "تَكْفُرْنَ العَشِير" — you reject the good that your husband has done.
Now, we actually have a hadith in which the Prophet ﷺ explains this in detail. He said—he said: perhaps one of you would spend a long time unmarried with her parents. And then he said: and she would become really—you know—like a woman who struggled to get married. She can’t get married. Then Allah gives her a husband. Allah blesses her with a husband. And Allah gives her wealth from that husband. The husband spends on her. And a child or children.
She just becomes angry one day: "I never saw any good from him—ever."
So he said this could be a reason why a woman becomes from the people of the Fire. That she got all of these blessings from Allah—and Allah gave her a husband after a long time she couldn’t get married. Allah gave her a husband. Allah gave her money. Allah gave her children. And then she gets angry one day and she says: "I never saw anything good from you."
That’s not just disrespectful to the husband who did that good for her. But it’s disrespectful to Allah عز وجل who gave her those things. "I’ve never seen anything good..."
Now here, what’s the job of the Prophet ﷺ? The Prophet ﷺ was sent to bring glad tidings and to warn people.
He warned the men about certain things—for example, he said in a Hadith:
These two people are being punished, and they're not being punished for something which people think is major. And he mentioned one of them didn’t keep themselves clean when they went to the toilet, and the other one used to spread gossip among the people.
Many times the Prophet ﷺ warned: These people will be in the Fire. This person will be in the Fire. He’s warning them, and he’s giving them a solution: Give sadaqah. Make istighfar. So that you’re not among these people.
I’ve seen all of these women in the Fire, and they’re in the Fire for certain reasons. One of the things they’re in the Fire for—the Prophet ﷺ mentioned in the hadith—is that you curse a lot. That the person, you know, they get angry, and they just curse. They say... they bring the curse of Allah—the curse of Allah upon their children, or the curse of Allah upon their husband, or the curse of Allah upon people—and then it comes back upon them.
So the Prophet ﷺ said: I’ve seen this is going to happen, so I don’t want you women to be one of those people. I don’t want you to be like that. I want you to be different. So I’m going to tell you the solution. First of all, I’m going to tell you why it is—so that you can try to check that from yourself. And if it does happen, I’m going to tell you how to get out of it: with sadaqah and with istighfar.
And in reality, there are ahadith—as we mentioned—many ahadith in which the Prophet ﷺ mentioned reasons why men are from the people of the Fire. We mentioned as an example the hadith of the two people being punished in the graves.
For example, do we think that most women will go to the Hellfire, for example, because of riba? Generally speaking, you would say that riba—even though there are women who get involved in riba—but it tends to be, many times, it tends to be men that probably do that more. And there are certain things that perhaps women do more.
So for example, the Prophet ﷺ mentioned: "Whoever guarantees for me what is between his two jaws and what's between his two legs, I guarantee for him Jannah." That's something that is characteristic—or it’s typical—of men, right? And yet there are [things] for women.
So the Prophet ﷺ’s job is to warn people and to explain to people what the danger is to them. And he’s saying: You women, there’s a danger for you. The danger is cursing too much. The danger is that you disregard or you are ungrateful to the blessings you’ve been given.
And when you’re ungrateful to the blessings you’ve been given, ultimately that’s ingratitude to Allah—because He’s the one who gave you those blessings.
So that’s how I see that particular hadith. And that’s how I think it should be understood.
Okay, I think you’re halfway out of the hadith, but we’ve still got another half to go. So I think you’re right—I’m looking at the narration here—and it does say: "You curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husband."
So that’s really the reason. It’s not for the fact that they’re a woman. Well, they are women themselves—it’s because of these characteristics, because of these things that they might do.
However, it goes on to say: "I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religion than you."
Now this is more of a blanket statement, really, that the Prophet ﷺ is making to the women. And he says: "I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence..."
Imagine if somebody made that statement in the 21st century—that would be... PC would be all over the place—and religion as well.
So... and this goes back to the question about: how are they equal in their religion?
How can someone understand this— that the women are deficient in intellect and religion?
So there's no doubt— a part of the hadith, the Prophet ﷺ, he said:
"ما رأيت من ناقصات عقل ودين أغلب لذي لب منكن."
So let's quote it properly. He said:
"I have not seen those who are more deficient in intellect and religion, who overcome a person—who overcome a man— a man who doesn’t have that issue— they overcome him completely—than you."
So the first thing is: the Prophet ﷺ said this to a group of women. Yeah? And those women, they asked. You know, the sahabiyyāt, may Allah be pleased with them, they didn’t leave something without asking about it. They asked the Prophet ﷺ:
"قالت يا رسول الله ما نقصان العقل والدين؟" "O Messenger of Allah, what is this deficiency in intellect and religion?"
Is it absolute? Is it in everything? Is it just that women are not clever? Or the women just don’t have any religion? They’re irreligious? What is it? Tell us.
Because the sahabiyyāt, they were not worried about feminism. That wasn’t their concern. They were worried about: What can I do? What do I have to do now?
The Prophet ﷺ said—and he said it in context. Let’s give him the context.
He said: How amazing it is that you see a woman who has two deficiencies completely overcome a man who has none of them.
And you know the stories of this. For example, the poet who said— He said: "I went around the house—the house of Layla—kissing the walls, and kissing wall after wall. It’s not the house that has overcome my heart, that my heart has just given in to, but it’s the love of the one who is living in the house."
And this is a man who has all of the qualities of men. And there is a woman in there—who is in her intellect and her religion— and this man is going around kissing the walls because of how much he’s lost his mind.
You know they called him Majnūn Layla, the one who became crazy because of Layla.
So this is the context in which the Prophet ﷺ said it.
But the sahabiyyāt, they didn’t leave it. They didn’t just take the context and say: "Okay, leave it—it’s in context." They said: "Tell us—what is it? Where is there a nuqsān?"
Remember: nuqsān means something which is not whole. Okay? Yeah—something which is less than complete.
So he mentioned—the Prophet ﷺ—he mentioned two very specific things.
He said:
"أما نقصان العقل فشهادة امرأتين تعدل شهادة الرجل."
He said: As for the deficiency in intellect, the witness of two women is equal to the witness of one man.
He didn’t say: You women are not clever. You women can’t do anything. You women don’t know anything. He just said: There is a ruling in Islam in which two women give a testimony in court in place of one man. That is less.
Mathematically, that’s less. That’s a nuqsān. That’s something which is less.
And he said regarding...
"فهذا نقصان العقل." He said:
"وتمكث الليالي ما تصلي وتفطر في رمضان فهذا نقصان الدين."
He said: She spends a number of nights—a number of days— (يعني الليالي in Arabic—whether you say nights or days, it’s equal— when you say one or the other it means the same thing)... She spends days without praying, and she breaks her fast in Ramadan. And this is deficiency in her religion.
So let’s just take a man. A man prays five times a day, 30 days in the month. A woman prays five times a day, 23 days in the month. Factual. Less than that.
That’s not blameworthy for her. And actually, if you look at these two things, you see that neither of those two things are in the hands of a woman at all. There is nothing a woman can do to make her shahādah equal to the shahādah of a man in Islam. That is the ruling of al-ʿAlīm al-Ḥakīm— the One who knows everything and is the Most Wise.
That Allah ʿAzza wa Jall has said that she can’t do it. It’s not her fault. It’s not something she’s blamed for. And Islam didn’t even tell her to pray—if she prayed, she would be blameworthy.
So this is simply a factual statement. And the Prophet ﷺ is saying, in context, something like:
Look at this— you have a woman, she only prays 23 days in the month. This man prays 30 days in the month— and this man is walking around kissing the walls of the house!
Look at the difference. Look at how amazing this is—how Allah ʿAzza wa Jall has created the male and the female. That even though this woman, if you looked at it factually, one for one, you’d see that she’s not doing the same things in her religion that the man is doing, and her testimony is not the same as the man— but in scale, he’s still overcome by her. He’s completely overcome by her.
I don’t think a woman would really have an issue with the second thing you mentioned— the fact that her dīn is deficient because she’s not praying at certain times. That’s like a rukhsah that’s given to her. No problem.
However, why is her testimony not equal to that of a man? Like, can we not believe a woman’s statement when she comes to court?
Okay, the first thing we need to understand is that Allah Subḥānahu wa Taʿālā, as we said, is the One who created and knows. And Allah Subḥānahu wa Taʿālā clearly told us— and the Prophet ﷺ clearly told us— and it’s something well known in Islam, that the testimony—in most cases in a court— the testimony of one man, if you replace it with the testimony of a woman, it requires two women.
Now, the first thing to understand is that that’s not an absolute rule. Okay?
For example, the scholars mentioned that when a woman is asked about personal matters— such as her marriage, such as how her... for example, her ʿiddah, how long it’s been since she’s been divorced, how many menstrual periods she’s had since she’s been divorced, when she gave birth—things like this— that there is no requirement for two witnesses in this.
This—a woman is asked. This is her area. She knows herself better. And her testimony is equal in that.
It’s also important to note that in things that are more important than testimony in court, Allah ʿAzza wa Jall accepted the statement of one woman. For example, in narrating a hadith—our mother ʿĀ’ishah (رضي الله عنها) narrates a hadith. Nobody in the narration chain narrates that hadith except her. So do we say: I’m sorry, Ummī—you have to bring another woman who heard this hadith with you?
No—we accept it from her.
So this is a unique situation that Allah ʿAzza wa Jall decreed, for a wisdom that is with Him, Subḥānahu wa Taʿālā. And it’s our job ultimately to submit to it.
Can we understand and take out some of the wisdoms behind it? Yeah—I believe you can take out some of the wisdoms behind it.
I think that this kind of situation—about testimony— I think if we were going to put it in a modern way, some people talk about the issue of emotion and emotional intelligence. You know—this issue of a woman seeing things from a very emotional way, and that could potentially damage a person’s testimony, you know, at the end of the day, if you see things like that.
And I think that again...
The sharīʿah deals with the majority. Sharīʿah doesn't deal with everybody, in every country, in every situation. It looks at the whole picture and says: This is what Allah ʿAzza wa Jall has decreed is best for you— that the testimony of one man, or two women, as we said...
It's not— there's no takalluf in that. There's no hardship in that for a woman. Because if there were hardship in that for a woman, then it would be—for example—in her personal matter. She comes and says, My husband mistreated me, and you say, I'm sorry, if you don't have another woman to tell me, I'm not going to believe you.
That’s not the case. Her personal situation is different. And we don’t apply it in what is more important— which is the narration of ḥadīth.
We apply exactly what Allah ʿAzza wa Jall revealed, and what Allah commanded us. And that’s what Allah commanded us.
And from the wisdom of that, you can see— the court is an intimidating place. You’ve seen how these days we have the people questioning and so on. Maybe that’s part of the reason—maybe it isn’t. Because ultimately, the ultimate reason why we do it is because Allah ʿAzza wa Jall commanded us to do that.
Okay, let’s go into the issue of marriage. And I think this is where a lot of the questions come. So this is probably going to be quite a large segment.
And the first question—I think the predominant question that a lot of people ask:
Why are men allowed four wives, but women can’t have four husbands?
Yeah, there’s no doubt that a man is allowed four wives. Allah ʿAzza wa Jall said:
فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ
"Marry whomever you will from among the women—two, or three, or four."
And obviously, if a person is not able to be fair—gone.
So Allah ʿAzza wa Jall gave permission for a man to marry more than one wife.
We have to also remember to put this into context: that prior to the coming of the religion of Islam, the culture among the Arabs was unrestricted marriage on the side of the man. A man could have 10 wives, 20 wives, 30 wives. And Islam considered that to be unjust.
So Allah ʿAzza wa Jall limited it to four. That that is the most that a man can fairly—and can be just to— in terms of sharing equal time, equal wealth, and so on. But more than that, he cannot be fair. So Allah ʿAzza wa Jall didn’t give that to him.
Bear in mind also that Allah ʿAzza wa Jall also didn’t obligate, or make an obligation upon him, to take four wives. Most of the scholars—or many of the scholars—hold that this is something that is mubāḥ, permissible, but it’s not recommended. And some of them hold that it is recommended for a man to have more than one wife. And some said that it’s not recommended, but it’s simply something which is allowed.
So ultimately here, it’s not the case that a man is required. It depends on him—is he able to manage that or not?
To be honest, I would say: in our time, it’s very rare that you find a brother that can actually handle, and be fair, and just, and can actually properly marry more than one woman. Very rare. It’s not impossible— but just, you don’t see it very often.
And it's not that common in our time either. And Islam doesn't, you know, force it upon anybody at the end of the day. But there is a difference between the male and the female in this.
Let's just talk about one issue—just as a simple example. Let's talk about protection of lineage.
Okay, you have a woman who has four husbands— ultimately, Islam—one of the overriding things that Islam came to protect and preserve is al-ʿird—someone’s honour— and an-nasab—people's, you know, people's lineage, and their honour, and so on.
So within that, it's not— it wouldn't be practical, and it wouldn't be acceptable really to anyone, for a woman to have more than one husband. It would be—in terms of the issue of honour— and you know, for example, the Prophet ﷺ told us about the punishment of the man who is not— he doesn't have ghayrah over his wife. He doesn't feel protective over her.
So how about—you know—this man? When you hear now, to be honest, when you hear news stories of these couples in open relationships— there’s no ʿizzah in it. There's no honour in it.
And when you see the man who has two wives and looks after them properly, and gives them equal time— that’s how Allah created the man: able to do that.
And the woman, generally— from a fiṭrah perspective—wouldn't want it, usually. And the reason for that is, even if you look at society in general across the board, what you see is, you see that in cultures— and non-Islamic cultures—where people marry more than one, I can’t think of any examples where a woman takes more than one husband. But you can think of many examples around the world where people take more than one wife.
And that’s not an evidence, but that’s just a point— that it’s from the fiṭrah. Like, it’s a natural feeling and a natural thing for a man to take more than one wife—if certain things are present— with a limit of four, not to go over that. And it's natural for a woman that she would only want to have one husband. That’s what Allah ʿAzza wa Jall brought. And it’s natural.
And the protection of lineage— I thought you were going to say that. If—protection of lineage— if a woman has more than one husband, it doesn’t protect the lineage. If she gets pregnant, then it’s... And we're not—you know—someone says, “Well, we have DNA tests right now.”
Like, really? Are we now going to— like, every child hospital has to have the DNA test attached to them?
At the end of the day, like we said— the sharīʿah deals with every place, every country, every situation. It doesn’t deal with—you know—what’s happening in England in 2020 or 2021. And it deals [with] the whole world, the whole time—from beginning to end.
So ultimately, for protection of lineage—and ultimately, it’s just not natural. It’s just not.
That’s why when you hear about people—you know—even now— someone comes and says, “Oh yeah, you know, I’m in an open relationship. Me and my wife both have multiple partners.”
You’re kind of like— a person, they—they can’t. It’s not—like—it’s horrible. Astaghfirullah—what’s wrong with this person?
Would you not feel the same way if a man came to you and said, “I've got a wife and a mistress”? A wife and a mistress—yeah.
On the condition that the man won’t give her her rights, and he says, like, I’m not going to give you anywhere to live, and she agrees to it— and she happily agrees to it, “I’m fine with that, I’ll live with my parents, I’m more than her, I just want to get married.”
Even the ʿulamāʾ differed over this.
How about somebody who took a mistress? That’s not—that’s not from the rights of a woman.
And even then, if a woman was to write in her marriage contract and to say that—for example— “I don’t give my permission for my husband to take more than one wife,” it's a matter the scholars differed over.
Okay? So it’s not a case of oppressing women.
And actually, wallāhi, I can honestly say to you— there are situations I personally know today—right now— where there are women who actively look to be a co-wife.
For example, there’s a woman, she’s a bit older maybe, she has her own life— it’s not that she can’t get married— she can get married to someone who doesn’t have another wife. But she has her own life. She says, “Look, I don’t want the hassle of this. I can’t manage this thing of having my husband with me all the time.”
There are countries where there are way more women than men.
You know, at the end of the day, Islam— it's wrong for a person just to put these blinders on, and they only see what’s in front of them in their country.
Okay—if you don’t see it to be suitable in your country right now, but you believe it’s from Allah— but you don’t believe it’s suitable for you— Allah didn’t require you to do it. Allah didn’t ask you to do it.
If you don’t believe it works for you, then don’t say it doesn’t work for everybody in the world.
Because there are many, many countries where it works very, very well. And it's needed. And there are countries where there are a huge number of women outnumbering men.
There are women who— and I'm talking about in societies where, you know, there are plenty of opportunities for marriage— who say, “Look, to be honest, for me, you know, I don't really want to have that full-time— looking after a husband all the time like that. I would just be happy, you know, if I see him from time to time. That's better for me.”
There are people like that. So we shouldn't—because it doesn't work for you— doesn't mean that it doesn't work for everybody.
Okay.
Okay, let's move on to something that is obligatory for all women, according to the majority of the scholars.
Why is it that a woman has to seek permission from her male guardian before she is to get married? Isn't that really just giving authority to the men to do kind of whatever they want with their women?
No, I actually think that the system of having a chaperone or a guardian in relation to marriage is there to protect the woman, not to oppress her. And that's because typically, if you look at societies that didn't have this before, there was no protection for the woman.
And she might fall for a guy, or just like a guy, or a guy—you know—gives her some attention, and she doesn't look if he's good or not for her.
Or when it comes to negotiating or discussing things like the mahr, about, you know, how much money she's going to receive when she gets married, or what he's going to give her, or where they're going to live— she doesn't have anybody to stick up for her.
She's going to sit there and negotiate with the guy's family like that?
The job of the wali is to look after the girl that is in his care— not to oppress her. And that's why we have a system to handle when the wali oppresses a woman. And that's what we call when a wali prevents his daughter or the woman under his care from getting married. And she's got a good proposal, and he says, I'm not going to help you. I'm not going to let you get married to this person.
And in that case, she has the right to go and complain. And until today, this is very common.
If you go to the courts, or you go to the masājid in the countries where there aren't courts, it's full of people coming and saying, This is what's happening.
And the imam simply says, Okay, or the judge simply says, Okay, bring the father to me. What's your reasoning behind refusing this proposal?
He says, I'm refusing this proposal because, you know, I don't want her to marry a religious guy, or I don't think it's good for her to marry a religious guy.
Straight away, he takes that right away from the parent and gives it to somebody else— or he takes care of it himself.
The whole purpose of this is to protect—to protect the woman. That's why the Prophet ﷺ said:
إِنِّي أُحَرِّجْ عَلَيْكُمْ حَقَّ الضَّعِيفَيْنِ
"I place upon you a burden regarding the rights of two weak ones."
Or as the Prophet ﷺ said.
He said: I'm going to burden you men with two things—ḥaraj. You know, the religion is not a religion of ḥaraj, right?
Two people in society you have to take care of: the orphan and the woman.
You have to take care of them.
So the job of the wali is to find a good person for her, to make sure that her decision that she's made—on who she wants to marry— is being made with her eyes open.
And also to make sure that the marriage itself— she’s getting her rights, and she has someone to stick up for her rights, and negotiate for things on her behalf, and make sure that she's getting all of her rights.
And to be honest, I think if you just look at societies where they don't have that, and people just get into relationships and go out, to be honest, you can see the harms that has upon them.
It's so easy—people, you know, take people— they take advantage of people. They sweet talk them. They, you know, give them a bit of attention, and then suddenly you realise, This person—hold on a second— this person is already in another relationship with somebody. Or this person is doing something they shouldn't be doing. Or they're not willing to give you your rights. Or they're not good for you.
You have to have something there that makes that guy scared— you know, that future husband makes him actually fear Allah.
And sometimes people fear Allah because of their taqwa, and sometimes they fear Allah because of the, you know, the Sultān, the authority that is over them.
So that's important— to have somebody there to give that protection and that cover for her.
It's not there to oppress her. And that's why she has the right to complain if it's not done properly.
Whatever sister says, “I mean, I don't need looking after. You know, I've been living in the 21st century. I'm quite capable of marrying myself to someone else. Why has Islam obligated someone to look after me all the time?”
Again, I would say that Islam is a religion of submission, and our job is to submit to Allah subḥānahu wa taʿālā.
And if that's what Allah ʿazza wa jal has legislated— there are many times we think we know something is good for us, and it's not good for us.
وَعَسَىٰ أَن تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ
Perhaps you hate something that's good for you.
وَعَسَىٰ أَن تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْ
Perhaps you love something that's bad for you.
وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ
And Allah knows, and you do not know.
And yes, there is a movement in this society that's telling women that you don't need this, you don't need this.
But to be honest, when you just open your eyes and look around you at other people, you actually see how much it's needed, and you actually realize that— to be honest—yeah, it is needed.
And yes, it's also needed for the men to take that job seriously. Because there are situations where the walī doesn't take the job seriously. The walī is just, you know—either doesn't care— a lot of times in the case of Muslim reverts, revert sisters, the walī doesn't care. Just bring anybody, just, you know, I'll say it, I'll sign the necessary form or whatever.
But actually, those marriages— you know, subḥānallāh— there are difficulties in that for many people. Not for everyone, but for a lot of people, there are difficulties.
And again, we also say and remind people that it's not about individual people.
There are individual women who'd be perfectly capable of— and fine if they did this by themselves. But it's not about individuals. It's about what's right for the whole Muslim community. And it's about showing your submission to Allah in Islam.
“This is what Allah has decided for me. I believe that there is a wisdom— whether I can see that wisdom or whether I can't see that wisdom.”
For me, I look at it— and to me it seems very clear. But maybe that's through marriage counseling, and dealing with divorces and things like that, that it seems to me to be very, very clear.
But if it's not clear to you, you only have to establish: Is it Allah who commanded us to do this?
If yes, then Allah will not cause us to be lost.
And both sides have to come with their part.
Obviously, it's for the women to submit, but also for the men— it goes back to their qiwāmah not being something praiseworthy or something good, it's actually a huge responsibility that they're going to be questioned about on the Day of Judgment.
It's a huge responsibility.
Allah said,
وَأَخَذْنَ مِنكُم مِّيثَاقًا غَلِيظًا
He took from you a solemn covenant.
It's a heavy—it's a weighty responsibility.
Marriage to a woman is a very, very heavy responsibility and a serious thing in the sight of Allah. And the one who doesn't treat that woman well, they will have to answer to Allah ʿazza wa jal Yawm al-Qiyāmah for that.
Okay, the next question I have is: Again, it seems like a bit of inequality here where men can marry Jewish or Christian women, but it can't happen the other way around. Women can't marry Jewish or Christian men. Why is that?
So Allah ʿazza wa jal told us in Surah al-Mā'idah:
وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ
And chaste women from those who were given the Scripture before you.
That you are permitted to marry the chaste women who were given the Book before you.
In reality, the fact that you're permitted to marry them doesn't mean necessarily that it is— it's a good thing to marry them. But it's an option—that obviously isn't available— it's an option that's available.
And I say that because I don't want also for men watching this to think that this is necessarily the best thing for them to do, or this is necessarily a good thing for them to do, or even consider this to be an option. Because the society that we're living in today has a lot of—it brings about a lot of difficulties when people get into these kind of relationships. Or it can do.
So the first thing is—it's very simple: We've already established the issue of qiwāmah, of the man as the head of the household.
If that's the case, then how could we have a Jewish or a Christian man as the head of a household over a Muslim woman?
And Allah ʿazza wa jal has not placed
Allah will never give the disbelievers a way (authority) over the believers.
Allah ʿazza wa jal has never given a situation where a disbeliever can have authority over a believer, and that would be something that’s a blessing in Islam.
And otherwise, the woman doesn't want to become like Asiyah, the wife of Fir‘awn— she doesn’t want to end up having a husband who is a disbeliever, who is an evildoer, and so on.
But at the end of the day, this is why we have these rules. Because the man, as the head of the household, at the end of the day— this Jewish or Christian woman is relatively close to Islam.
We know that both Judaism and Christianity share some commonality within the religion of Islam— even though there are many severe differences— but they are closer than other religions.
And so it is possible for a Muslim man, as the head of the household, to have a Jewish or Christian wife and still manage the household in an Islamic way.
And that’s the reason why I actually discourage it in our time, because I believe that the right of the man to be the head of the household has been broadly taken away from him in legal terms in most countries, particularly in Western countries.
And so he isn’t able to enforce his authority upon his Jewish or Christian wife. And so she can turn around and say: “I want my kids to be brought up as Christians.” Or: “I want my kids to be brought up as Jews.” “I want my kids to go to church.” And you’re not going to do anything about it.
And he doesn’t have any recourse to change that. Or in some cases, the court systems will even support that.
So that’s why things are a little bit different today. And that needs to be thought of very carefully.
But it does work for some people— like a revert man who is married to a Jewish or Christian woman, when they revert, it could be good for them to stay married to them.
That last bit that you said— that obviously you wouldn’t recommend it and you’d actually discourage it for today— how do you reconcile that with your earlier statement that Islam is for all times and all places? And now, Allah knew that this time and place would happen, and yet it’s a time and place where this particular ruling is perhaps discouraged?
Yeah, I would say— it doesn’t change the ruling.
So we don’t say that it’s haram, and we don’t say that it is something which is invalid, but we simply say that looking at the framework of Islam and the principles of Islam, there are some dangers in this.
And it should be given thought before entering into it.
And this is something which is built-in— it’s a flexibility built into the rulings of Islam.
You don’t have a flexibility to stop praying five times a day because it doesn’t suit you today.
But you do have a flexibility as to whether you marry a Jewish or Christian woman— because Allah didn’t make it an obligation upon you. He made it permissible.
So that means it’s something… Things that are permissible— generally, things that are obligatory are things we need all the time, except in cases of extreme necessity.
And things are recommended because they’re generally good for you, but if you miss them out from time to time, they don’t hurt you.
And things are permissible.
Because they’re things you might want to do and might not want to do.
So this is something permissible— which people might want to do or might not want to do.
And I would suggest that someone would have to think about it carefully, in a time or in a country where the court system is not going to allow that man to act as the head of the household.
And that woman does have the legal right to bring her children up as Jews or Christians, for example— a person should give that some thought.
But I don't say that it's ḥarām, because the ḥarām and the ḥalāl doesn't change.
It doesn't become ḥarām because we said so— and Allah made it permissible.
But it's just something that people should give consideration to.
And it's permissible, like the issue of two wives.
We said, let's be fair. Yeah, that's fair.
That I also think the issue of two wives is something which is permissible, and yes, it works for some people, but it also doesn't work for everybody.
So a person should think about it carefully before they start on that.
Because it's not— you know, it's not beneficial for someone just to marry someone else and then end up getting divorced to the first one.
And it just goes like that— you know, a constant cycle of marriages and divorces doesn't benefit anybody.
Okay, we spoke about the issue of obedience and kind of like, you know, obedience to Allah coming first and foremost from both parties.
However, specifically when we look at the husband–wife relationship, it does seem like there's a tone that the wife has to obey the husband.
And you kind of mentioned before that the wife has to obey the husband as long as the husband isn’t commanding her with anything that goes against the commands of Allah.
Having said that, there's like really strong wording from some aḥādīth from the Prophet ﷺ.
For example: “If I were to command anybody to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands.”
Again, we're going through a process where a woman is kind of growing up, and she's under the care of her guardian—
the male guardian marries her off to the husband, and now suddenly she’s in a relationship where she has to obey, to the letter, everything her husband says— obviously with the exception that if he commands her with something that is against the religion.
— I think you used the word “married her off.” I just feel like that was— you know what? We have to be clear that a woman is not allowed to be forced into marriage in Islam.
— Yeah.
— He facilitated her marriage, but I mean, "married her off"— it's not wrong, but I just think that people need to understand that we're not talking about her being forced into marriage here.
Forced marriages are not allowed in Islam.
And if a woman is forced into marriage, she's given a choice.
And this is from the wisdom of Islam, by the way— that she's given a choice, and she's not forced even a second time to leave, because that’s not fair on her now. She’s in a marriage.
There was a woman— she came to the Prophet ﷺ and she said that: “I was forced— my father forced me into marriage.”
And the Prophet ﷺ said: “I will give you a choice. If you wish, I will dissolve your marriage, and if you wish, you may remain with your husband.”
She said: “No, I want to remain with him. I'm actually happy with him. But I wanted the people to know that they're not allowed to force a woman into marriage.”
And she wanted— what we would call now— a test case. You know, “I just wanted a judgment that you're not allowed to do it. But otherwise, I'm happy with who my father chose for me.”
So as for the ḥadīth of the Prophet ﷺ— and it has different wordings— but the wording I have in front of me:
لَوْ كُنتُ أَمِرًا أَحَدًا أَن يَسْجُدَ لِأَحَدٍ، لَأَمَرْتُ الْمَرْأَةَ أَن تَسْجُدَ لِزَوْجِهَا
"If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would command a woman to prostrate to her husband."
In some of the riwāyāt of the ḥadīth, it's mentioned the reason for this— and that is because of everything that the husband is required to do for his wife.
So I actually see that, to be honest, to be a very positive thing— that a woman has a husband that is commanded to do so much for her.
He has to provide a house for her. He has to spend upon her. He has to clothe her— to the same extent that he clothes himself, or to the same standard that he clothes himself.
And all the things he has to take care of— that means that her— her— her— what's the word? Her…
That the gratitude that she should have for that is a great gratitude for all the things that he does.
And that’s a similar thing that is said about the parents, for example. It’s even emphasized even greater for the parents— what they did for you when you were small, how they looked after you.
Islam is a religion of showing gratitude to Allah, first of all, and then showing gratitude to people who do good for you.
And I think it's an amazing thing. You can take it to be a very positive thing— to look at what a woman has to do in terms of the fact that so many things have been taken off her, that have been put onto a man in terms of burdens and responsibilities.
For example, the ḥadīth of the Prophet ﷺ:
إِذَا صَلَّتِ الْمَرْأَةُ خَمْسَهَا، وَصَامَتْ شَهْرَهَا، وَأَطَاعَتْ بَعْلَهَا...
“If a woman prays her five [daily prayers], and fasts [the month of] Ramaḍān, and obeys her husband…”
—with the conditions we mentioned, in the sense of: in that which is permissible for Allah ʿAzza wa Jal—
…that she will enter Jannah. It will be said to her: “Enter Jannah from whichever of the eight gates that you wish.”
Allah Subḥānahu wa Taʿālā has put certain things upon the man that are difficult.
But He’s put them upon the man because He sees that generally men— generally men— are suited for that responsibility.
And He’s lifted it from the women because generally they’re not suited for it.
So in that sense— there is an imbalance in the sense that a man is required to do a lot for his wife.
He really has to do a lot. And he's told:
وَأَخَذْنَا مِنْكُمْ مِيثَاقًا غَلِيظًا “We took from you a very heavy burden— a heavy oath.”
It's a big responsibility.
وَاسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا “Make sure you treat your women well.”
And so on— you see all of that, and it does deserve gratitude.
And then you also hear from the other side— the ingratitude that will lead to the people being from the people of the Hellfire, which is the ingratitude when they say:
"مَا رَأَيْتُ مِنْكَ خَيْرًا قَطٌّ" “I've never seen anything good from you.”
So this is just the reverse side of that ḥadīth.
And it doesn't mean that a woman should prostrate to her husband— because the Prophet ﷺ didn't command that.
It simply means that: If I were to tell anyone to bow to anyone out of what someone has done for them, I would have told a woman to bow to her husband.
And that’s showing the great status of what the husband is required to do for his wife.
And I think that's not necessarily a negative thing. I think, if anything, a woman should be looking to take advantage of the things that she has been given that haven't been given to men—
like for example: the fact that she only has to pray her five daily prayers, and fast Ramaḍān, and obey her husband, and generally stick within the limits of Islam.
And she's told: “Enter any of the eight doors of Jannah you wish.”
As for the man— there's a door for certain things, a door for another thing. He has to bring all of those eight huge actions of Islam.
So ultimately, she should take advantage of that. That actually doesn’t mean that she’s being given something which is necessarily unfair.
She’s being given something that suits her, and the man’s being given something that suits him.
And now both of them should be taking advantage of that thing.
The man should be saying: “You know what it is? If my Jannah is in looking after my wife, and taking care of her, and spending on her, and working, and doing all those things— then that’s what I should be seeking the reward of Allah for.”
And if that woman says: “Well, if my Jannah is in now being grateful to my husband for that,” like there is mentioned in the ḥadīth—
the Prophet ﷺ said to one of the women to look at how you are with your husband:
فَإِنَّهُ جَنَّتُكِ أَوْ نَارُكِ “He is either your Paradise or your Hellfire.”
—or as the Prophet ﷺ said— فَهُوَ جَنَّتُكِ وَهُوَ نَارُكِ “He is your Jannah or your Hellfire.”
Then she should be looking at taking advantage of that to get near to Allah.
So it's not about one wanting to have what the other one had— but it's about each one saying: “Okay, this is what Allah has given me to do, now let me take advantage of it.”
Question: And what should the woman's intention be when she’s obeying her husband? Should it be to please the husband, or to please Allah, or to both?
No— ultimately, if her intention is only to please her husband, then the only thing she gets out of that is the pleasure of her husband.
Okay.
But if her intention is to please Allah, then she gets from that, in shā’ Allāh, the pleasure of Allah— and the pleasure of her husband.
Because ultimately, as Muslims, we are required to submit. We're not required— you know, subḥānAllāh, so many things happen to you and you think: “You know, this situation— maybe I would wish something was different. I wish I could’ve done this instead. I wish I could’ve done that instead.”
But in Islam, you're told to submit to what it is that Allah ʿAzza wa Jal has given you.
لَا تَتَمَنَّوْا مَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بِهِۦ بَعْضَكُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ “Do not wish for what Allah has favored some of you over others.”
لِلرِّجَالِ نَصِيبٌ مِّمَّا ٱكْتَسَبُوا Men have a portion from what they've earned— they've been given opportunities here.
Allah has given you men a bunch of things, and this is your opportunity to earn reward.
وَلِلنِّسَاءِ نَصِيبٌ مِّمَّا ٱكْتَسَبْنَ And women have been given a bunch of opportunities to earn Allah’s reward.
وَسْأَلُوا ٱللَّهَ مِن فَضْلِهِۦ And ask Allah from His bounty.
Question: Okay, let’s go on to another topic within the broader topic of marriage, and that is marital intimacy.
I have a ḥadīth here that says:
If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e., for sexual relations) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger— the angels will curse her till morning.
Now, a lot of people see Islam as kind of making marital rape permissible— It’s almost like there’s no such thing as marital rape— a husband can have intimate relations with his wife whenever he wants, and the wife has no choice but to obey.
Do you see why some people might find that misogynistic?
Answer: No.
Okay.
I actually see that ḥadīth as an evidence why marital rape could never be allowed.
Because— she is under threat of punishment from Allah for not complying with her husband’s advances, or not responding to her husband’s advances.
But— the Prophet ﷺ didn’t say to the men that if the wife says no, then force her.
So to be honest— and the second thing is, Allah ʿAzza wa Jal said:
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ “And they (women) have rights similar to those upon them in kindness.”
That she has what men have over her— as men have rights over their wife, women have rights over their husbands.
So why wasn’t it mentioned in the ḥadīth?
So Shaykh al-Islām Ibn Taymiyyah was one of the people who mentioned that this is from the rights of the wife as well as the husband.
But it is more emphasized in the right of the husband because of the nature of men, and because of the danger to him in terms of his religion and practicing his religion properly.
That men are typically, generally speaking, in this regard, more impulsive— more likely that if they don’t satisfy their desire in a way that’s permissible—
That they might start to think about doing so in a way that's impermissible— which brings harm upon that woman, by the way.
And ultimately, I also think that before all of this, go back and say— on that topic also, there are aḥādīth about the man taking care of his wife in terms of intimacy, and not rushing her, and so on and so forth.
That's a right of the wife as well.
But obviously we're not talking about that, because feminism doesn't look at the rights that women have.
It’s a one-sided discussion.
But if we go back to the beginning— first of all, this whole idea of individual consent in each individual instance is not a part of Islam in reality.
In Islam, marriage provides a general consent to intimacy.
When you marry someone, there is an understanding that the couple will be intimate with one another.
That's the right of the wife, and it's the right of the husband.
The wife can go to the qāḍī and say, “My husband is not taking care of my rights in terms of intimacy.”
And the qāḍī can say to the husband— he can bring him, and he can say to him: “This is something you must do, otherwise the marriage could be broken apart, there could be penalties upon you, and more than that— Allah Subḥānahu wa Taʿālā will become angry with you because you're not fulfilling her rights.”
But the nature of men is that you have to emphasize this— that if a man comes to his wife and he has a particular need in that sense, in reality, that man is very likely to fall into ḥarām if his need is not fulfilled.
So the woman is told: “Look, take care of your husband in this regard,” because ultimately—
for example, the Prophet ﷺ said that if a man sees a woman that he's impressed with or amazed with, then he should go back to his wife— for she has what the other one has.
In other words, men are like that. This is a flaw within men.
If he is satisfied one way or the other, that’s enough for him.
So ultimately, he goes back to his wife— and she knows that when he requests that from her, she has to answer that request and comply with it.
And that's from the general understanding of marriage.
He doesn't have the right to force her. And we know that from the same ḥadīth you quoted— because the angels are angry with her, or the angels curse her until the morning— which means that he has no right to force her.
And in that case, this is part of the general understanding of marriage— because generally, you know, these criticisms come from people who, in the first place, don’t understand the institution of marriage.
Marriage is a general consent. When the woman gives her consent — and she does give her consent, because we said there's no forced marriage in Islam — she consents to marriage. She consents that “I am going to be available for intimacy for my husband whenever Allah has made it permissible.”
As in, not when Allah has made it haram.
And the husband agrees — وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ — the husband agrees that she has the same right from me.
But the right is more strongly emphasized because of the danger to the man, and what that will bring back upon the woman as well.
Because it will bring back upon her — she's not going to be happy if her husband has got a wandering eye, looking at every woman that goes past.
So she needs to take care of her husband. But her husband also needs to take care of his wife.
As there are many — as I said — ahadith in that regard, in terms of the man taking care of his wife.
And Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah, he mentioned in this that this is from the strongest of the rights that the wife has over her husband.
Because one of the major purposes in Islamic legislation is to preserve honour, preserve reputation — in other words, preserve chastity, and so on and so forth.
So ultimately, that's important for the wife, it's important for the husband.
But typically men, in that regard, have a very limited amount of sabr in that regard — a limited amount of patience — as opposed to women, who typically don't have that same impulsive sort of behaviour in that way.
You mentioned the issue of the qadi a few times now throughout this podcast. Don't you feel like that's another example of a woman always having to submit to a man? It might not be the father, it might not be the husband, but ultimately when she has a complaint about either of these two parties, guess who she has to go to?
It's another man. It's not a female imam, because we're not allowed that. It's not a female judge, because we're not allowed that. How is that fair on a woman? She's always underneath a man.
So I think there's a couple of things here. I think first of all, when it comes to seeking advice or when it comes to complaining about her situation, she's free to complain or seek advice from anyone she wants — male or female.
But in terms of the qadi, there is no doubt — the Prophet ﷺ mentioned:
لَن يُفْلِحَ قَوْمٌ وَلُّوا أَمْرَهُمُ امْرَأَةً “A people will not be successful whose affairs are governed by a woman.”
The Prophet ﷺ said that. That's an authentic hadith. That's what he said ﷺ.
At the end of the day, that's a reality from what Allah ﷻ revealed to him.
Now the qadi — it makes perfect sense. If we just said that the testimony of two women is required in place of the testimony of one man, and now you're going to make a qadi a woman?
What are we going to do? Bring two female qadis to judge on a matter? Reality is — if a woman then, in many societies, is a female judge — is she going to have ten fees? Because the most important thing a judge needs to have is the ability to carry it out.
Would they not understand women better?
So when women come to them with problems, a female judge would understand.
Let her go to her mother for advice. Let her go to her sister for advice. But the mother is not the one making the ruling.
No, Allah is the one making the ruling.
But no — the judge is. Hold on, hold on. Let's stop here.
Allah is the one making the ruling. The ruling is from Allah. The judge doesn't have the right.
مَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَا أَنزَلَ اللَّهُ فَأُوْلَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْكَافِرُونَ "Whoever doesn't rule by what Allah has revealed — it is they who are the disbelievers."
So let's just say there's a woman who wants to get married. Her father is not permitting that. They go to a judge.
Allah has not revealed the exact ruling for this particular situation, because obviously every situation is different.
Allah revealed the ruling in this situation. He revealed principles by which the judge can make rulings.
No — Allah revealed the ruling. Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala revealed that it's not permissible for you to prevent your women who are under your care from getting married. That's a ruling.
What if she wants to get married to someone who the father believes is someone harmful for her, but she doesn’t?
So there's a situation now where you've got two people who are genuinely — like the woman believes it’s right for her, and the man believes it’s not. And they have to go to a qadi, talk it out, hear both sides.
But that qadi is a man. So he's going to hear both sides — he's going to hear both sides but not actually empathise.
What's he going to rule by? He's going to rule — well, he's a human being. He's going to rule by what Allah has revealed, right?
Well, he's a human being as well, so he's going to try — but it could be emotions involved.
Naturally, he's going to be empathising more with the man, because he's a man himself.
But if a woman was involved, there would be no emotions, huh? If a woman was involved — at least if there was a woman involved in any of these positions — she has the opportunity to be heard by someone who can understand her better, is what many people might say.
I still — I don't — I don't think — I think there are too many issues with it. I don't see how that can match with what we've just spoken about, about the testimony of the woman. I don't see how, also, it can match with when we talk about the issue of tanfīdh, the issue of — that woman — how is she going to impose her authority upon that man?
It's very difficult. I've been in situations where I've been asked to judge, and I can tell you one thing: whenever someone comes to me and says, "We want a judgment," I will say, look — naṣīḥah I can give you, but I can't give you a judgment, because I don't have the ability to make tanfīdh. I don't have the ability to carry out that my word will be taken, and what I tell you, you are now going to be obliged — and you're going to be under threat if you don't carry out what I say.
So I personally see that this is a matter that Allah ʿAzza wa Jal has given to men — like Prophethood. And Allah ʿAzza wa Jal said: اللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ حَيْثُ يَجْعَلُ رِسَالَتَهُ — "Allah knows better where to put Prophethood."
I mean, you and me could sit — it's not a gender thing — you and me could sit here and say, "Why did Allah not make us Prophets?" Because Allah knows better where that belongs to.
And Allah ʿAzza wa Jal gave certain things in authority. If a man is in charge of a household, and then you want on top of that to be a female judge to be in charge of him — it doesn't make sense. It doesn't match with — it's not consistent with the rest of the rules of Islam.
And there is no issue with her going to a female for advice. The women from the ṣaḥābah, they used to go to the Mothers of the Believers. They used to ask them for advice. They used to ask them for rulings, for a ḥadīth they had heard from the Prophet ﷺ.
But ultimately, Allah ʿAzza wa Jal has placed the issue of authority and leadership and so on in the hands of men.
And that's for Allah to place. That's not a man who has placed it in the hands of a man — Allah ʿAzza wa Jal has placed it.
Now, that doesn't mean that there are no women on the face of the earth who would ever be suitable for that, because we said the Sharīʿah rules for the general situation and what fits everything — not what fits rarities and unique situations.
So I see — going to a woman to ask advice, going to a woman to ask for a ḥadīth, going to a woman to ask for information about what I can do, or what I should do, or where I should go to get my rights — this is all things that were done in the time of the ṣaḥābah and those who came after them.
But ultimately, the judge is going to be the one to make the decision. And above the judge, there is going to be ultimately, eventually, the ruler who is in charge of the Muslims — who is going to also have oversight over that issue.
And ultimately, finally, Allah Subḥānahu wa Taʿālā is going to defend the rights of the people who are oppressed. And they're going to — ultimately, somebody might be in a situation where — and a man could be in that situation — where the only thing they have left is to complain to Allah Subḥānahu wa Taʿālā, because their rights were not recognized.
But in general — generally speaking — the Islamic system does provide that protection for that woman. And she's not going to that qāḍī to ask for that qāḍī’s opinion or his idea — she's going to ask: "What did Allah ʿAzza wa Jal reveal about this?" الحُكم بما أنزل الله — "by what Allah ʿAzza wa Jal revealed."
I want to pick up on something that you mentioned, which was the ḥadīth that a nation that is led by a woman would never succeed.
You're making it seem like in Islam a woman can never have authority over any men. And that just seems so unfair.
What about the situation, as we mentioned earlier, with regard to a man and his mother? A man has to obey his mother, right? And so that walī al-amr who is in charge of the Muslims — ultimately he has to obey his mother.
And we mentioned the ḥadīth when the Prophet ﷺ said: Ummak, three times — "Your mother, your mother, your mother."
And the ʿulamāʾ, generally speaking, many of them held the opinion that this ḥadīth refers to obedience, not just to love — that this refers to — that one of the — the ḥadīth talks about ḥusn al-ṣuḥbah — the excellence of my companionship — but many of them said that entails ṭāʿah, it entails obedience.
So I personally don't think it's the case that there's never a case — but generally, qawwāmah has been given to men. We established this, right, at the beginning of the podcast — that authority, generally speaking, has been given to men.
But there is a balance in that. There are cases — and you know that — generally speaking, in terms of the obedience of a son or a daughter to their mother — that's just one example.
But the idea that men have been given a certain amount of responsibility over women throughout the society — that's consistent.
It wouldn't be — and I would talk about this — it's important because inconsistencies are a sign of something that didn’t come from Allah.
Consistency is a sign that something came from Allah ʿAzza wa Jal. So you have consistency in that.
And we said, authority isn’t necessarily a good thing — like in the ḥadīth of Abū Dharr that we mentioned.
And Allah knows best.
Going back to marriage then — we are now going through the marriage process. We have a situation where our wife is actually disobedient to the husband. What can the husband do?
I have an āyah here, and the key part of the āyah that I want is:
وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ — "Beat them."
Islam allows women beating — wife beating — is that the case?
I think that the choice of translation there is a translation that is intended to convey — whether deliberately or accidentally, because I know that's often how the āyah is translated — "And beat them."
وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ — actually the āyah starts with:
فَعِظُوهُنَّ — admonish them وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ — and abandon them in the bed وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ — and hit them.
Now, the first thing is, this word ḍaraba — it has a wide usage in the Arabic language.
Now, I'm not getting away from the fact that it says "hit." It says hit. I'm not dodging that at all. It says "hit them." It doesn’t say, "hold their hand."
But this word ḍaraba has a wide range in the Arabic language. From the usage of it in the Arabic language is, for example, in tayammum.
In the ḥadīth of tayammum, we're told to strike the ground with the word ḍaraba.
It's tayammum — that’s it. This is ḍaraba here — one finger.
And also ḍaraba is, you know, beating — that the Prophet ﷺ criticized the man who beats and rebuked the man who beats his wife like a person beats their horse.
So how do we know which one it means in this āyah? So this is very important now.
There are two things that teach us that we can understand what this means. The first thing is — and the more important one — is the Sunnah.
But before we go to the Sunnah, I just want to talk about a general Islamic principle:
وَلَا يَظْلِمُ رَبُّكَ أَحَدًا — "Your Lord doesn't oppress anyone."
It is not conceivable that the hitting mentioned in here could be severe.
It could be beating? It's not possible, because it wouldn't match any of the rules of Islam.
وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَاكَ إِلَّا رَحْمَةً لِّلْعَالَمِينَ — "We sent you as a mercy to mankind."
The Prophet ﷺ never hit anyone. He never hit a slave, he never hit his wives, he never hit even a riding beast ﷺ — he never hit anyone.
So this āyah — it actually has a story to it. And this story — and that issue is mentioned several times — but it has a story.
And in this story is that the Prophet ﷺ said: لَا تَضْرِبُوا إِمَاءَ اللَّهِ — "Do not hit the female servants of Allah at all."
Okay — this is what was revealed in the first instance. You're not permitted to hit any woman ever. Okay? In any way — including one finger, two fingers, a slap with the hand — you're not allowed to hit them at all. It's not allowed.
فَجَاءَ عُمَرُ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ ﷺ — So ʿUmar came to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and he complained. He said: دَارَ أَنَا النِّسَاءُ عَلَى أَزْوَاجِهِنَّ I mean — he said that when you have said this now, these women are going beyond — they’re like transgressing against their husbands, they’re doing anything they want because there’s no consequence to it.
فَرَخَّصَ فِي ضَرْبِهِنَّ — So the Prophet ﷺ allowed for a man to hit his wife. I haven’t established what kind of hitting that is, but he allowed for a man to hit his wife.
فَأَطَافَ بِآلِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ ﷺ نِسَاءٌ كَثِيرٌ يَشْكُونَ أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ — Now this is amazing — a number of women, a lot of women — they came after this, and they went to the wives of the Prophet ﷺ — your judge issue you had before — they went to the family of the Prophet ﷺ, and they complained: "Our husbands are hitting us now. Our husbands are hitting us now."
فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ: لَقَدْ طَافَ بِآلِ مُحَمَّدٍ ﷺ نِسَاءٌ كَثِيرٌ يَشْكُونَ أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ، لَيْسَ أُولَئِكَ بِخِيَارِكُمْ — He said: "Many people have come to the family of Muhammad — many women — have come to the family of Muhammad ﷺ to complain about their husbands who are hitting them."
He said: "These people who are hitting their wives — they are not the good people among them. They are not the best people among them."
So now we have another ḥadīth in which the Prophet ﷺ, he said:
فَإِنْ فَعَلْنَ ذَلِكَ فَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ضَرْبًا غَيْرَ مُبَرِّحٍ — He said: "If they do this, then you may hit them with a hitting that leaves no mark."
المُبَرِّح is the one that leaves redness or it leaves a mark.
So this hitting — this is a big mountain being made out of a molehill, to be honest with you.
Because the hitting that is mentioned is so minor, that it wouldn't even be considered to be of any significance, other than a gesture to show: this husband, who is so good to his wife and so kind — for him to raise two fingers.
Some of the ʿulamā’ mentioned the siwāk — for him to take the siwāk, or to take a finger and tap her with the finger. But she would be so distraught by this — that this such kind husband and good husband to her has resorted to this level — that he is willing to take his two fingers and hit me like this — without leaving a mark.
This is just... it's making something into something huge.
After that, the Prophet ﷺ said: "The people who do this are not the best of you." لَيْسَ أُولَٰئِكَ بِخِيارِكُمْ — they're not the good people among you, the best people among you.
The Prophet ﷺ never did it — not even one finger.
So here we see that what happened was — there were two strong examples, both ways. There was a time when they were not allowed to do anything — and the women started to transgress against their husbands. Then there was a time when they were hitting — the husband was hitting his wife — and the Prophet ﷺ forbade them from doing that, because they were doing too much.
And they settled in the middle.
What is the middle? فَعِظُوهُنَّ — first of all, admonish them. Allah didn’t say: فَعِظُوهُنَّ شَهْرًا — admonish them a month. فَعِظُوهُنَّ أُسْبُوعًا — a week. فَعِظُوهُنَّ — and keep on telling them until you think that telling them makes no difference.
وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ — and keep away from them in the bed.
Some of the ʿulamā’ mentioned: turn your back on them, don’t put out your hand, just be separate from them — sleep on the floor, sleep on the sofa.
وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ — and if all of that hasn’t worked, you are permitted to hit them — in such a way that it doesn’t leave any mark.
That’s — I mean — a red mark. We’re not talking about something significant. We’re talking about a gesture that shows the displeasure of the man in what’s happened.
And it shows that he feels he’s got no resort left except that. And it also shows where the marriage is going as well — because it shows that if it’s got to that point... what comes after?
After that is: فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَا — you bring a negotiator from her side and one from his side, and you have to make peace — otherwise, they divorce.
So it shows that the matter has gone to such a level where the husband now feels he’s got nothing left except that. And it’s so minor in terms of what is permitted for the husband to do, that really, there just isn’t — there really just isn’t — anything significant enough for it to cause a woman any physical harm.
It’s more about... it’s more of an emotional gesture.
Because if that person was treating her so well and being so kind to her — then for him to do that — she stops and thinks: “Wow... things have really got to the stage where we need to sort things out.”
Many people will believe that violence should never, ever, ever be an option in a marriage. But you’re saying this doesn’t even fall into the category of violence?
Yeah. I don’t — I honestly don’t think it falls into the category of violence. I think that violence should not be used towards women. It should not be used towards children. I think that’s the position of Islam.
And I think the word violence and the word beating — these are words that, when we study English — the English language — they have a particular emotional connotation.
They are said to provoke a certain, you know, reaction — you know: savagely beats... You know, these words are there to make a certain emotion within you.
But what Allah ﷻ permitted is a hitting which doesn’t leave any mark, doesn’t cause any severe pain or any lasting problem for a person.
This is a gesture. And it’s the same that you do with your children at the end of the day. It’s the same thing you do with your children. You know — it’s not something where you’re intending — who wants to hurt their kids? Who wants to hurt their wife?
The Prophet ﷺ said — this is a profound ḥadīth — he said:
“How can one of you hit his wife like he hits a horse, and then he sleeps with her at the end of the day?”
How can a person do that? I mean — how can anyone, of any intellect, of any respect, beat his wife like he would beat his horse, hit his wife like he would hit his horse, and then he wants to be intimate with her at the end of the day?
These are not the people who are from the best of you. Not what the Prophet ﷺ did — not even one finger.
But — he allowed it as a last resort. A rukhṣah is like — you know — “Okay, just... as a last resort.” SubḥānAllāh — perhaps this would save somebody’s marriage at the end of the day. It doesn’t cause her any harm.
To be honest, I see that if you look at your kids — being able to discipline your kids in that way that doesn’t cause them any physical pain — but being able to, you know, tap them on the wrist, or whatever — is what actually, sometimes — subḥānAllāh — saves your kids from going in all sorts of directions.
I personally don’t think that has to be made into such a big thing. But it’s made into a big thing by using emotive language — beating, and all this kind of stuff, and violence, and domestic violence.
And also by the culture of some people — because some Muslims do this. And in their culture, they hit their wife — you know, like you hit a horse. They hit their wife like that.
And then this is associated with Islam — when it has nothing to do with Islam.
Some non-Muslims might be watching this and wondering — why did Allah even leave it open with the usage of that word — to give it the possibility for people, like you say, in their culture, to use and abuse Islam in that way?
I don’t think He did. I think, first of all, the ḥadīth of the Prophet ﷺ clearly explains the limit.
But more than that — even just the general concept of Islam — we said Islam came as a mercy to people.
There is nobody who can conceive that this word means to beat. And Arabic is very particular in language.
There are words which mean to beat severely. There are words like that. And that’s not the word that is used here.
So I personally think that — first of all — Islam is known for its mercy and softness. So nobody can realistically take this āyah and think: “Oh, you know, this is suddenly the opposite.”
And then the Prophet ﷺ — at the end of the day — the āyāt have to be understood like the Prophet ﷺ.
As for why this was revealed — the Prophet ﷺ himself said why it was revealed.
Because when the Prophet ﷺ stopped it from happening, it caused problems in people’s marriages.
And it became to the point that, you know, people were kind of using it against their husbands — and saying, “Oh, you can’t — you know — you can’t do anything to me. You’re not even going to do anything to me.”
And the husbands came to complain. They said, “Look — now you said this. Before, we never used to hit our wives. But the fact that that was there — things were okay. Now it became out of control.”
So the Prophet ﷺ allowed it — but he didn’t allow it to go to that extent, where the women came and they complained.
Who did they complain to? They complained to the wives of the Prophet ﷺ.
I had the feeling there’s a lot of lessons in that. And there’s a balance in that.
And it’s just like I said — I really believe that when it comes to, for example, children — just to give an example people can relate to —
that if there isn’t an ability to discipline your kids, then at the end of the day, it leads to a lot of problems later on.
But that discipline can never be — it can never ever reach the level of violence. It can never reach the level of harm.
Because in Islam, we have a principle: “There is not allowed to be any kind of harm or reciprocal harm in Islam.”
Q: Okay, you mentioned actually in your answer there — that if it gets to this stage of discipline and it’s still not working — what’s next?
We come to the process of divorce. And that’s another question that I have for you actually: Why is it so much easier for a man to divorce a woman in Islam rather than the other way around?
That if a wife wants to divorce her husband, she has to go through a huge process — court proceedings — whereas a man wants to divorce his wife, just says ṭalāq three times — khalāṣ — it’s done.
There are so many things wrong with that. How are we going to have to go back and break this question down bit by bit?
I think, first of all — a man — it is not easy for a man to divorce his wife. That’s the first thing.
That actually, a ṭalāq which is ṭalāq sunnī — a ṭalāq according to the Sunnah — is not easy at all.
Q: What do you mean by that?
So there is a ṭalāq which is according to the Sunnah, and there is a ṭalāq which is ṭalāq bidʿī — which is an innovated divorce.
The divorce according to the Sunnah has two primary conditions:
1. The first thing is that the lady — she’s not menstruating at the time. And that’s just a mercy to her.
Because, for example — at that time they’re not intimate. At that time perhaps emotionally she’s up and down. She has bad days.
And it’s not fair for her husband to take what’s happening at that time, and then maybe just get upset with her and divorce her.
He’s not allowed to divorce her at that time.
And the scholars differ: Does the divorce happen or not? And many of them said — the correct opinion is that it doesn’t happen. And if he divorces her at that time, the ṭalāq is not even counted.
That’s the first thing.
2. The second thing is that it should be in a period where they haven’t been intimate.
So, for example — an average couple — let’s just say that if there is still intimacy in the marriage, that man is going to have to wait — a minimum, usually — of a month before he can even utter the word divorce.
Before he can even utter the word divorce.
As for the woman — she can go to the qāḍī any time, by the way. She can go any time of the month, any time of the week — any one time. She can go straight away.
As for the man — no, he’s going to typically have to wait several weeks before he can utter the word divorce.
By the way — he only utters the word divorce once. This ṭalāq three times — this is also from ṭalāq bidʿī — innovated ṭalāq.
So he has to wait. He has to wait — first of all — that they have not been intimate. Her menses come. She now finishes her menses. They haven’t been intimate.
Now he can issue the divorce. That gives him time to reflect.
When he issues the divorce, does she actually become divorced? No.
What happens is now — there are three menstrual periods — typically — in most situations (some exceptions if they’ve only just been married — different things — just to simplify):
In most situations: three menstrual periods. He has to spend on her. He has to live with her. He has to provide for her. He has to treat her as his wife.
Now — that’s typically three months. It might be more than three months for some women. All that time — he has to wait.
At the end of that time — which we’ve now got to somewhere in the region of four months, depending on the situation — could be three and a half months — could be…
Between him first intending to divorce her and actually the divorce taking place —
The difference is: he doesn’t need external confirmation for his divorce. He doesn’t need the qāḍī to okay the divorce for him. He can make the decision by himself.
As for the lady — I believe this is from the raḥmah of Allāh ‘azza wa jall — that Allah subḥānahu wa taʿālā has given it — that she needs to have her divorce checked.
How is that fair?
By a judge — wallāhi, it's from the raḥma — that she doesn’t get upset one day and say, “I divorce you,” and then she’s stuck on herself with no option.
She finds herself having left her husband — and “Oh, I didn’t want to,” and whatever.
So instead, she now comes to the judge and says to the judge that: “I want to divorce my husband.”
The judge typically will ask her: “Okay, what’s the reason for that?” “This is my reason.”
The judge will call the husband — on the same day sometimes — sometimes after a week — so it depends on the judge.
Call the husband and will say to the husband: “Your wife has asked for a divorce. I believe the grounds of the divorce are valid. She’s not just upset with you or something — it’s real, genuine grounds for divorce.”
And the grounds for divorce are quite wide for a woman. Genuine grounds for divorce — She’s going to return the mahr — the bridal gift that you gave to her — and you are going to give her a divorce which is instigated from the woman — which we call a khulʿ — which comes from the woman.
And that happened in the time of the Prophet ﷺ.
So when she came to the Prophet ﷺ, she said, “I don’t complain about my husband. Don’t say anything about his religion or anything about his character — but I can’t. I fear for my religion if I remain with him. And I’m just — look, he’s got nothing wrong in his dīn — he’s a religious man. His character is good. But just — me and him — it’s not working.”
So — are valid grounds for divorce? The Prophet ﷺ called him. He said, “Return the bridal gift to him.” She returned a garden to him of the bridal gift — and the Prophet ﷺ dissolved the marriage straight away.
Dissolved.
So this idea of a man kind of like abusing his wife and a wife desperately trying to get out of the marriage but she can’t because the qāḍī is not allowing it — it doesn’t really exist.
It’s not — I don’t know — I think it can exist, but it doesn’t exist in Islam.
I think it can exist in times where Islam is not implemented properly. And that’s the reality.
Is — whenever you don’t implement Islam properly — you bring ẓulm upon everybody.
Everybody gets oppressed.
You know, men become oppressed, women become oppressed —
Many men are oppressed, to be honest — especially by this feminist ideology that is now spreading around.
At the end of the day — when you take Islam out of the equation — everybody oppresses.
Men oppress women, women oppress men, everyone is just oppressing everybody else.
But when you put Islam there properly, there should never be a situation where a woman feels trapped in a marriage.
And also, bear in mind — in cases of severe violence — like where there is severe ḍarar upon her — then I don’t think there’s any blame on her in that case leaving the house.
Because in this case — this is a ḍarūra. She fears for her life.
She doesn’t have to wait for the qāḍī. She leaves — because in this case, she fears for herself and she fears for her life — or she fears for her health in a severe way.
But generally speaking — most cases — look, most marriages are not like that.
Most marriages — she’s not happy with her husband: “He doesn’t listen to me, he doesn’t understand my feelings,” and all this type of stuff.
Okay — let her go to the qāḍī and explain to the qāḍī, and let the qāḍī just check the reasoning.
That’s all.
Okay — just make sure that it’s not something… Sometimes you want to say: “Look sister, he’s a good husband — you know, like — he’s doing good for you. Do you really — do you really want to go through with this?”
That’s all it is.
It’s that check and balance — “Do you really want to go through with this?”
As for the man — it’s not expected that he will make that decision. And if he does make it emotionally, then he has such a long time before he can actually make it.
Now, in this way…
If we say that typically a woman can divorce her husband quicker than her husband can divorce his wife — that actually is also a sign of the mercy towards the woman — that when she really is not happy with her husband, she needs to get out of the marriage fairly quickly.
You know, it’s not a situation where — if it’s really bad — she needs to get out of it quickly. And that facility is there for her.
Whereas the man — typically — he’s got time. You know like — usually the man is not — I mean, it’s very rare — that women are doing domestic violence from the woman towards the husband or something like that.
You know, usually he has time to think about it, and he gives a divorce. Let him take his time.
The problem which has happened now is the bid‘ah of the ṭalāq — which is bid‘ah — innovated ṭalāq — where people are saying “ṭalāq, ṭalāq, ṭalāq,” you know, quick-fire ṭalāq, and kicking their wife out of the house on the first day, and all this type of stuff.
That is nothing to do with the religion of Islam — which brings ẓulm upon her, and it doesn’t give a chance for the marriage to survive.
And this issue of khulʿ and ṭalāq — is it just terminology? Some people believe that khulʿ isn’t a proper divorce, and a wife isn’t truly free. Like — what’s this?
No — I think there are differences between khulʿ and between ṭalāq. There are fundamental differences between the two. That’s why the two have different words.
But in the sense that when the khulʿ is done and the ‘iddah is finished, she’s free to marry somebody else. I think that is enough of a divorce.
And there is a third type as well — let’s not forget about al-fasḡ.
So there is ṭalāq — which is instigated by the man. There is khulʿ — which is instigated by the woman — but ultimately the husband is part of the process, right?
The qāḍī calls the husband and says — the husband will say: “I have issued your khulʿ, I have agreed to your khulʿ.”
What happens if the husband says: “I don’t agree. I’m not coming to see the qāḍī”? Very common in the West — where the qāḍī has no tanfīdh, as we mentioned — this issue of the qāḍī having no ability to actually do anything.
So the qāḍī says: “Okay, bring the husband.” The husband says: “I’m not coming.”
So now you have something called fasḡ — which is annulment of the marriage. This is in the hands of the qāḍī in certain situations — that he can annul the marriage without the husband’s permission.
For example: The husband has disappeared. Years and years — he’s not being heard of. “I want to get married again — it’s not fair on me. I’m just sat here — there’s no husband. I’ve tried to reach him — I don’t know where he’s gone. Maybe he passed away, maybe he ran off somewhere — but we don’t hear from him.”
The qāḍī finds out the reality of that situation — he can issue a fasḡ — an instant annulment of the marriage.
And so this issue of the khulʿ — is it a ṭalāq or is it a fasḡ? There’s also a mas’alah in — is the khulʿ closer to a ṭalāq? Is it a kind of ṭalāq, or is it really a kind of annulment that comes from the qāḍī?
And that’s a matter the scholars talk about when they talk about the topic of the khulʿ.
But what we need to establish is that when the khulʿ is done, the woman has the right — once her ‘iddah is finished — her waiting period is finished — she has the right to marry somebody else.
And that’s enough to prove that a khulʿ is a proper — you know — is a proper annulment of the marriage.
Okay, let’s move on from marriage and talk about something else now.
The next place I want to take this podcast is talking about the gender roles.
So we obviously have this huge push right now that’s going on — particularly in the West — about gender neutrality, and how women are just as equal as men, and they should be out in the workplace just as much as men.
Is this something that Islam supports or not?
You know — I think Islam has a really beautiful approach to this. It’s not forbidden for a woman to work.
Now, in terms of gender neutrality, we’ve established that Islam is about justice.
Equality — this word “equality” is a mirage. It’s a sarāb, yeah — it’s like something that — whatever you do to try and achieve it — you end up oppressing somebody.
Ultimately, what’s required is ‘adl — is justice. Justice is what’s needed. Al-qisṭ — fairness is what’s needed.
As for musāwah — just making everything the same — that actually is not — it never works.
And you can see so many examples just in real life. In any way — even if you look at when people try to make people equal in terms of their living — you know, look at things like communism and things like that, and socialism — about equality.
Wallāhi, everything — you try to make this musāwah all the time — you bring ẓulm.
If it’s not from Allah — what Allah ‘azza wa jall brought is ‘adl.
So He did bring musāwah — equality — in some things. Okay — but those equalities are in things like — for example — the ḥadīth of the Prophet ﷺ:
إِنَّ النِّسَاءَ شَقَائِقُ الرِّجَالِ "Verily, women are the full sisters of men."
There’s a degree of equality in that — in that sense. But equality has to be within the framework of justice.
As for working — Islam didn’t prohibit a woman from working مُطْلَقًا (unconditionally). Woman is forbidden to work Haram for a woman to work? First of all, that would not be practical in any society.
You have some women who don’t have any male guardian over them, or anyone who’s providing for them.
And generally in Islam, actually, we have a beautiful thing — the state would typically provide for them. The ayāmā (women who are unmarried) — typically, the Muslim state should provide for them. They should look after them. They should pay for their income and look after them — take care of them. They’re from the people that Islam has included within the Islamic welfare state.
However, there’s many times they can’t do that. There’s some situations in which a woman finds that she wants to do some work.
First of all, there are some conditions to that. The first one — and this is about consistency — is that she has to have the permission either from the guardian or either from the husband. And that’s part of the same consistency in the khutwah (role) that we spoke about before.
The second thing is — most importantly, before that, we should have made it the first thing — is that it’s not haram. And that’s an equal condition for a man and a woman — that they don’t work in that which is haram.
They don’t work in that which is haram.
And the third one is that it doesn’t take away from the work she does — doesn’t take away from the other responsibilities that Allah has given her.
For example, let’s just say that she has a responsibility to look after her husband. Generally speaking, if the work doesn’t interfere with that, and the husband is happy — “I don’t have a problem” — but it’s not the case that, you know, he’s upset, and he’s like: “Look, you know, she’s just a career woman, and she’s working all the time, and I don’t see her, and it’s like I’m not married.”
That’s ẓulm upon him. Because the marriage had an understanding that you two were going to get married under a certain set of rights and a certain set of understanding.
So that has to be present. But the husband can — he can say: “I’m cool with this, I don’t mind — it doesn’t interfere with my rights.”
And there are some women who do some amazing work, Wallāhi. There are many jobs where we need women specifically in those roles — dealing with, for example, dealing with females in certain aspects. We don’t want men to be doing that.
There are some things that women do amazing. I saw many women contribute to Dawa (Islamic outreach) and charitable projects, because often the man doesn’t have time.
Because he has to earn, he has to provide for his family, whereas this work she’s doing, it’s not essential for her. Because the money that she has — ultimately, whatever money she earns is hers to spend.
So a lot of the time, there’s more women are free to work in charitable, voluntary, Dawa-type roles, because they don’t need to earn necessarily a living from it. Because they already have someone. Of course, there are some women who need to earn a living, but I’m saying a lot of cases like that. So a lot of good comes from it.
But ultimately, it’s not — Islam didn’t make it the default. The default is that the woman has every expectation that her father or her husband (if she’s married) will provide for her. She has the right to say to her husband: “I’m staying at home, you go out and work, I don’t want to work.”
And I think that’s something that a lot of people would appreciate. They would say that: “Okay, that’s nice. I don’t have to work.” A lot of women would say: “I don’t want to work. Why do I have to work?”
Like in this 50-50 system, you know, “You need to pay half the rent, you need to pay half the bills,” you know, you need to pay. Some would say: “I don’t want to work, I don’t want to do that.”
She has the default position in Islam, which is that the woman doesn’t have to work. But she’s not prohibited absolutely from work, if it’s something that works in her situation, her husband, her family — it works for her.
So I think, like, right now, there’s a huge work-from-home culture, because of what’s happened with the pandemic, COVID-19. And I think that makes sense — that a woman is not forbidden from working from home.
But you run into problems once the COVID pandemic goes away, InshAllah. And women are going to be required to leave their houses, because of course, they’re not allowed to leave their houses, because Allah says: Wa qarna fee buyuti kunna (And remain in your houses). And that’s a commanding verb in the Arabic language.
So how is a woman expected to live her life, when the religion of Islam is telling her she has to remain in a house? Okay, so let’s take this question in two parts. Let’s take the first part about working from home. First of all, we establish a woman doesn’t have to work in the first place, so it’s not a problem for her if she has to go. If her husband was working from home, now he has to leave the house and go and work in an office, that’s his problem, it’s not her problem. She’s okay now. She doesn’t have to work.
But if she’s got a job that requires her to leave the house, is she allowed to? Based on this ayah (verse), is she allowed to leave the house? I think women are allowed to leave the house. Okay, but how do you reconcile that? Okay, I think — can we establish? Okay, we can establish that it’s permissible for a woman to leave the house.
Ok, I suppose I would agree with that. How do you reconcile the verse لَا تَمْنَعُوا نِسَاءَكُم مِّنَ الْمَسَاجِدِ (Do not stop your women from going to the masjid), and وَبُيُوتُهُنَّ خَيْرٌ لَّهُنَّ (and their homes are better for them)? This ayah (verse), and وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ (remain in your homes), first of all, it was revealed regarding the wives of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, may Allah be pleased with them, and it applies to the women after them as well. I’m not going to say it's not an exception, but the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم explained this beautifully.
There was a woman, she came to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, and she said, "Oh, Messenger of Allah, I'd love to pray with you." He said, "Your prayer in your local masjid is better for you than the prayer with me, and your prayer in your home is better than your prayer in your local masjid."
And we mentioned the hadith, وَبُيُوتُهُنَّ خَيْرٌ لَّهُنَّ (their homes are better for them). So ultimately, this idea of covering, this idea of being concealed, this is a part of the modesty that Allah Azza wa Jal has required from a Muslim woman. So it is better for her to remain in her home. She’s not forbidden from going out when she needs to go out, but it's different for the man.
He’s told, فَانْتَشِرُوا فِي الْأَرْضِ (Go out) and وَابْتَغُوا مِنْ فَضْلِ اللَّهِ (and earn). What are you sitting in her house for? You need to get out and earn money. Go out. You know, Umar رضي الله عنه used to criticize when he was in charge of the Muslims. When he used to see a young man sitting in the masjid in the time of work, and he’s sitting in the masjid just reading the Qur'an, he said, "Get out! Go work." فَانْتَشِرُوا فِي الْأَرْضِ (Go out) and earn something, because that’s your job.
As for the woman, it’s not your job to go out and earn something. So stay in your home, stay around your home. But if you go to the masjid, there’s nothing wrong with that. If you go out to the market, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم says, in the time of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, no one needs to go to the market and buy things if they just want to go out and see their friends. They’re allowed to see their friends.
The issue is not one of it being haram (forbidden), if that’s something that they are able to do without compromising their religion. Because we have to be careful. Because you say, “Yeah, go out and meet your friends,” but what if I go out and meet my friends in a nightclub or something, you know what I mean? As long as it doesn’t contradict what the religion says, then yes, we go back to the idea of the authority, the responsibility of the husband in the household — it has to be organized.
But she doesn’t have to have an individual permission every time. Okay, what do you mean by that? There are two types of permission, right? There’s a general permission, and an individual permission.
Generally, a woman knows, "My husband doesn't object to me doing one, two, three. Doesn't object to me going to see my friends, doesn't object to me going to buy things from the shop, doesn't object to me going to visit relatives or whatever." She knows that generally she doesn't have to ask her husband every time, because it's something that she knows from him. He doesn't mind it. But there are things she knows her husband will not be happy with, and he's not going to like it. She knows that, so in this case, she should ask.
And that also is part of the consistency of a man being responsible. But a man will also be asked. She says, "I want to go visit my parents," and the man says no. So the man’s going to be asked by Allah: Why did you say that? Is there a reason for it? Do you have a valid reason for it or not? So, you might have a valid reason. You might say, "I need you to be here. Allah has a situation in the house; I need you to be here." And the right of the husband takes precedence over the right of the parents once the woman is married. But if he says, "I want to keep you away from your parents," you know, "I don’t want you to see them," that’s oppression. And he’ll be asked about that oppression. Zulm (oppression) is zulumat (darkness) on the Day of Resurrection.
So, I think that the Islamic system of a woman being based around the house, this is what is natural. This is what is better for her. And it’s not forbidden for her to go out. It’s not something which is prohibited for her to go out. And if you look at the wives of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, you look at what they did, Wallahi, the examples are amazing examples. You look at our mother Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, what she achieved in her life in all of the hadiths of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. She was the fourth-largest narrator of hadith of anyone, whether men or women.
In fatwa (legal opinions), she issued more fatwas than everyone other than three other people. She was a resource for the men and the women. They would go to her. But she still implemented وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ (Stay in your homes). She primarily stayed in her home. She went out when she needed to go out for something, what they call Khuruj ta'a (Going out for obedience to Allah), going out for something in obedience to Allah. But ultimately, she achieved so much and she still implemented that ayah.
So, Allah Azza wa Jal has given us this because it’s better for the person. And like I said, the man has been told the opposite. You need to go out and earn money. You shouldn’t stay in your house. And I think that is what is natural, and that is what works. And if you implement it, Wallahi, it doesn’t cause any oppression to the woman at all. In fact, it actually gives her so much ability to actually do things, instead of the man running around from place to place and trying to just make ends meet. She has so much. She can do so much learning, she can do so much teaching, she can do so much benefit she can give to the people, like Aisha did. So it’s all about seeking that benefit that Allah has given you. If Allah said it’s better for you to stay in your home, then stay in your home and now earn reward from Allah Azza wa Jal. But it’s not prohibited.
And you mentioned implementing properly. I think that’s a consistent thing I’m getting from this podcast, that all of these issues...
All of these rules, if they're implemented properly within the framework of Islam, it's not an issue at all. The problems come when people oppress one another outside of the framework that Islam has set. And it's not an issue that Islam has; it's an issue that people have.
And I think there's another point on what you mentioned about the woman going out and things like that: When a woman marries, it's really important that she finds someone who's compatible with her. You know, there are some men who, to be honest, he doesn't really—he's not very permissive when it comes to these things. Like, he's not—you know, like, and there are some men who, he doesn't mind. So, it's important that a woman looks for the right person when she gets married. And this is also about the wali (guardian). You know, like, it's important that the wali supports her in this, looking for the right person. Because if the two are not matching—she’s a person who just cannot stay in the house, you know? Even one day, she has to go out, and the husband is a person who expects that his wife will only leave the house when it’s on fire—that’s a big problem. You know, compatibility problem. It’s not that the wife is necessarily wrong or that the husband is necessarily bad, but they just—the two of them are not compatible with each other. And that's the type of thing that the wali should be looking at and making sure that, "Look, are you sure this is the right type of person for you?" You should be asking those kinds of questions to the husband as well.
And I thought, on that topic of the wali, also, and I know we kind of finished the topic, but even this issue of how a woman can approach a man—it’s really difficult, you know? If she doesn't have the wali, is she supposed to, like, just—yeah, you know, just walk up to him and just, like, you know, "Hey, how are you doing? Are you thinking about getting married?" It’s a means for her to actually be protected a little bit. Good point.
And a lot of the things in marriage, like the mahr (bridal gift), are there to show the value of the woman. They say that the mahr, the wisdom in the mahr, in the bridal gift, is that a man actually has to work hard to get married to a woman. It’s not like, "Oh, I want to marry you, it’s okay, we’re married." No, he has to now go out and work. He has to earn money in order to just afford the bridal gift and to be able to spend on her, to be able to provide her accommodation. So now, it’s someone who—she’s worth something to him. It’s not like she’s like—he’s like, "Yeah, I have to, you know, to keep her, I have to really work hard." So, she has a value in that sense. It’s not something that has no value like the women of Jahiliyyah (the pre-Islamic era). You alluded to it earlier.
I think the nature of these discussions on the Hot Sleep Podcast is, by default, very one-sided. And if the rules were the other way around, we’re actually having an open discussion about what men have been given, what women have been given. You know, a bridal gift that is to be given to a woman, I’m sure there’ll be some men who'd say, "That's not fair, what about me?" You know, and a man is obligated to provide for his wife and spend on his wife, where it’s not the other way around.
I want to highlight a point on that, very interesting. You know, when you talk about the bridal gift, look at countries where the woman is obliged to give a bridal gift, like a dowry. Okay, these are countries where female infanticide is through the roof...
Yeah, people kill their baby daughters, and when you ask them, when the little girl is asked, "For what reason were you killed?"
Many of them say, "Because daughters are a burden on us."
SubhanAllah, yeah, we have to pay so much money to get them married off.
They're not going to bring us anything.
They're not going to look after us when we're old.
They're not going to—you know—all that's going to happen is she's going to be a burden.
That I pay for my whole life, then I'm going to pay to get her married to somebody,
then she's not going to listen to me after that or look at me after that because she's going to be with her husband.
And it's just going to be a burden upon a burden.
This is the kind of thing that happens when you go against the sharia of Allah and the rules of Allah.
I'm not saying that every time there's that system, sure, it leads to that.
But it is very prevalent in countries where women have to pay a huge amount to get married.
Whereas if you look the other way around, first of all, the man is capable of paying, right?
He's the one who's been told to go out and work.
So now he also has to value that lady.
Yeah, she’s worth something to him, that look, at the end of the day, marriage doesn't come for free.
يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنِ اسْتُغْهَى عَمِنكُمُ الْبَاءَةَ فَلِيَ تَزَوَّجُ
O group of young men, whoever of you has the financial ability, let him get married.
So it makes him realize that he has to treat her well, and he has to consider her worth something.
And it also isn’t hard for him like it’s hard for her or her family.
And it doesn’t—and it puts a value upon having a daughter and raising a daughter that didn’t exist in the time of—you know, when you have the other way around,
where you have, you know, that the daughter is nothing but a burden for us.
Islam honestly came to bring honor to everybody.
It didn’t come to bring honor to the woman, it came to bring honor to everyone, men and women.
And it came to bring good to everybody.
But the problem is that we live in a society which is fundamentally going in the wrong direction,
and they're trying to sell you a dream of freedom and happiness, which wallahi is just a mirage.
It doesn't exist. It’s just a lie.
And so many of these things come about because they’ve been told and been sold this dream of freedom and happiness and liberty and whatever.
And ultimately, Ibn al-Qayyim, I think he worded it amazingly. He said:
حَرَبُوا مِنَ الرِّقِّ الَّذِي خُلِقُوا لَهُ فَبُلُوا بِرِقِّ النَّفْسِ وَالشَّيْطَانِ
They ran away from the slavery they were created for, and fell into the slavery of the self and the shaitan.
SubhanAllah.
You run away from one, you find it in the other.
Like now, if you look at these women who are free and liberated,
Allah al-Azeem, they are abused by men at a level that is unbelievable.
The amount of abuse, physical abuse, the amount of—you know, relationship abuse,
the amount of they're abused for the way they look.
You know, putting women on billboards and whatever.
This is not liberty.
This is oppression.
This is actually slavery to men, but they've dressed it up in the clothing of liberty to make people think that they're liberated and they're free.
But liberty and freedom come when you submit yourself to Allah, men and women.
SubhanAllah. Very true.
When I mentioned وَقَلْنَا فِي بُيُوتِ كُنَّ (and stay in your homes),
you did link it to modesty, and I think the rest of that ayah obviously refers to that as well.
Yes…
Let's talk about that, inshaAllah. We recently did a podcast, myself and Sheikh Abdul Rahman, on the issue of niqab. What's your opinion on that? You believe niqab is wajib? I do believe that, on the balance of evidence, that the niqab is an obligation. Gloves as well? Allah knows best. I believe, to the best of my knowledge, that's what I believe to be correct. So you believe a woman—You can see where this is going—you believe a woman, when she leaves her house, she has to be covered from head to toe? She's just rendered as an anonymous being, almost like an inanimate object, just floating around. She's got no personality. People can't see her face. You understand why this—some people—That's an incredibly misogynistic statement, isn’t that the perception? No, that's not—Okay, go on, carry on. Isn’t that the perception that many people have of Islam? It might be the perception, but it's a wholly wrong perception. Okay, why? Why is it wrong? There are two reasons why the hijab was made obligatory upon a woman. First of all, the hijab was not obligatory in the beginning of Islam. It's something that came in the time of Medina, came after a long time in Islam, it was made obligatory. It was made obligatory for two reasons: ذلك أدنى (that is better) and وَيَعْرِفْنَا (so that they may be known). Not so she can be—what did you say? An anonymous floating object? Yeah, an anonymous floating object, as some people say. So that she can be known. The hijab is the biggest banner that the woman goes and then she says, "This is me. This is who I am. I'm a person who has boundaries." That's what the hijab means, right? Hijab means a boundary, a barrier. Yeah, that this woman, she says, "I have boundaries." So you make sure you stay outside of my boundaries, yeah? Make sure I have boundaries. وَأَتُوا الْبُيُوتَ مِنْ أَبُوَابِهَا (And come to the houses through their doors). If you want to go in the house, go in through the front door. Don’t climb in through the window. I'm a person who has boundaries. If I'm available to marry, go speak to my wali. If I'm not, then my husband will see what is under this hijab. Everybody else can just keep their boundaries. And يَعْرِفْنَا (so that they may be known). So she’s making a statement now. Like a uniform makes a statement. Like when you see somebody in uniform, it's like, okay, this person has authority. True. She’s making a statement: I have boundaries. I have a hijab. I mean, I have a partition, a barrier. It's between me and you. وَأَتُوا الْبُيُوتَ مِنْ أَبُوَابِهَا (And come to the houses through their doors). You go to the door. You go to the house through the door. And it stops her from being harmed. There are many harms here, but ultimately the greatest harm is religious harm. People sometimes talk about the tafsir of the ayah purely—it stops people whistling at her and stops people leering at her, but ultimately the greatest harm upon her is the harm in her deen. And the harm in disobeying Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala or the harm that hurts her modesty or her chastity. That’s the biggest harm.
The harm in her religion. So it saves her from the harm in her religion. It saves her from the harm in the dunya. And it sets out a sign that this is who I am. I think it's the biggest statement of her personality. I don’t believe it oppresses her personality at all. In fact, let’s be honest, how many times in the West—and you know, personally I’ve seen it—in office environments and the way men talk about women because of how they look, and you know, will hire her because she’s eye candy for the office, and, you know, will be something to look at, while it's devaluing a woman? That’s disgusting, the way people talk about women like that. And who you value her for? Who she is or what she looks like? I thought you put hijab on her. Do you still value her now?
Yeah, very true. You value her for who she is, or you value her for what she looks like?
Well, I believe that hijab is very, very important. And it's important as well because women are not like men. You know, ultimately, if you take an average of 100 men and you put those 100 men in a line, and you have a woman walk past who's not properly clothed, and then you take 100 women and you have a man walk past who's not properly clothed—wallahi wallahi thumma wallah—the reaction will not be the same.
It's true.
Yeah, it's mustahil—impossible—for the reaction to be the same. Men and women are different in that regard. But ultimately, a woman has a right to be valued for who she is, and she has a right to set boundaries. And the hijab—wallah—it sets out a boundary.
And when I say I do believe the niqab is fard, but ultimately I also don’t disrespect those people who hold a different view. I understand they have evidence for it, and they have scholars of Islam who held that opinion.
Ultimately, a woman who goes out wearing her hijab to the best of her ability—she sets that boundary. She's known as a practicing Muslim woman who has limits: “You treat me with respect. You treat me for who I am.”
And it stops men from abusing her, and it stops her from being harmed in her religion or in her dunya. And I actually believe that's actually a positive thing. It should be seen as a very positive thing and an empowering thing.
Because I think right now, in the world of feminism, it's quite sad—
Yeah.
—is that feminism has actually reduced the choices that women have. Like right now, in modern feminism today—I'm not talking about like first-wave feminism—but modern feminism today: a woman wears hijab, she's oppressed, whether she says she is or she isn't.
She's like, “I'm not oppressed. I want to wear the hijab. I want to be known as a person of modesty. And I want to be judged for who I am, not what I look like.”
“No, I'm sorry, you're oppressed.”
Yeah, they feel like even though she's saying that, the only reason she's saying that is because she's being brainwashed by men.
And you won’t be—you know—you won’t be free until you take off all your clothes. That’s the reality of what they’re saying to her. And that ultimately goes against even the usul of feminism. It should go against it. Even the fundamentals of feminism should say that a woman has—at least they're supposed to say—a woman has a choice.
But ultimately, they remove the choice in the same way that Islam removes the choice. I do believe that Islam removes the choice, by the way. Because Islam is not a religion of choices: وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ وَلَا مُؤْمِنَةٍ إِذَا قَضَى اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ أَمْرًا أَن يَكُونَ لَهُمُ الْخِيْرَةُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِمْ "It is not for a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided a matter, to have any choice about their affair."
Islam is not a religion of choices. It's a religion of submission. But subhanAllah, people call into freedom and they remove the choices the same way—except they remove it for their intention.
True.
And you know, as for Allah ‘azza wa jall, Allah doesn't decree anything for us—men or women—except that it's good for us.
Yeah.
This issue of protection and protecting the woman—it can, some may argue, make it extremely inconvenient for a woman as well. Like for example, the hadith that says a woman can’t travel without a mahram—without a guardian.
So to say—a male guardian.
Yeah. Can you see why that might be inconvenient for many women? Especially now that travelling has been made so easy, yet they can’t just easily travel from city to city or far distances?
I can see how it could be inconvenient, definitely. But I believe that everything in Islam has a wisdom, right? We said one of the principles we started with: Allah ‘azza wa jall has infinite wisdom. And in cases of necessity, there is a different ruling.
Here—because the ruling here of a woman not travelling—the Prophet ﷺ said, and Allah ‘azza wa jall said, that it's not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to travel without a mahram. That is an established ruling in Islam.
But necessities have their own rulings, right? So if it's a necessity for her to travel without a mahram, then that's a matter of necessity. And necessity is not included in the general rulings of Islam. Necessities—they're in all of the rulings of Islam. Islam has exceptions to them because of necessity, right?
Whoever eats from the haram in a state of necessity—without going back to it or eating more than they need to—there is no sin upon them. So we’re not talking about necessities. We're not talking about a woman who, for example, needs medical treatment and she can’t travel because she doesn’t have a mahram, so we just leave her to die. Islam doesn’t say that.
Inconvenience—yes. But then in that regard, inconvenience in return for the pleasure of Allah is worth it. And we all do that—male and female. We all do things that have inconveniences.
Like getting out of bed for Fajr, for example. Like getting out of bed for Fajr, or like making wudu’ in the morning at Fajr time when the water’s cold. We go through that because we know the rewards that exist from Allah subḥānahu wa ta‘ālā when we obey Him.
And ultimately, there’s a great wisdom. And I honestly believe that a woman travelling alone—there may be situations in which a woman can travel alone and not be harmed. But a lot of the time, if we say that—remember, we said the ruling in the sharī‘ah looks at al-ghālib al-shā’i‘, not al-nādir—it looks at what happens most of the time, what is commonplace.
And I would suggest that most of the time, a woman who is travelling on her own—if you look at history and you look at even the world today—in most countries, if you look at a woman just on her own like that, travelling like a backpacker, just walking around a city by herself, there’s a lot of danger in that—more than with a man. And that’s al-ghālib. I think that’s the ghālib. That’s the majority.
No, but I’m not sure that’s valid. Because nowadays, you get on flights and you’re not alone—you’re with other people. But Islam is saying you can’t even get on a flight without your husband.
No, I’m not sure that’s the case. As for the majority of women—as in, many non-Muslim women who travel around on a flight from one country to another country—they’re not harmed.
And I believe that there’s a lot of un-Islamic things happening in that situation. A lot of exposure to things which are not Islamic in that situation.
True, true. That’s true. And again, you know, at the end of the day, Islam doesn’t say—In fact, there are aḥādīth that indicate that a time will come when a woman can travel in safety. But that doesn’t change the ruling of Islam. Because there are harms there—whether we perceive them or not.
And to be honest, I think even on flights—and I travel a lot, I take a lot of flights—and honestly, you can see when women are travelling by themselves, in many situations—not every situation—I don’t need to prove every situation. I only need to prove that this is commonplace, that things happen that shouldn’t.
Okay, I’m coming towards the end of the questions that I have for you. I want to move the discussion on to inheritance. And again, this is something that is very well-known in Islam: that a daughter inherits half of what her brothers inherit—obviously, if the parents pass away. How is that fair?
I think I would like to stop, first of all, on that particular statement—that a daughter inherits half of what the sons inherit if the parents pass away. I think it’s really important to mention that there are many situations in inheritance where that’s not the case.
Okay.
Although I’ll start by saying—yes, the general rule—that is, the majority of cases, it would be the case that a male at the same level—for example, a child—a male would inherit twice that of a female.
Okay, so let’s answer that first.
Yeah, because you’ve been saying all the way through the podcast that the sharī‘ah comes with...
Yeah, absolutely. But I want to talk about some situations in which that’s not the case, so that people don’t take it as an absolute—which it’s not. It’s not absolute. In fact, there are situations where a woman inherits more than a man.
But let’s just take, for example, this situation where you have a man who passes away and he left behind sons and daughters—a mixture. Okay, the son takes double that which the daughter takes.
First of all, we have to understand from this that this is actually a very simple situation to understand. Typically, boys—the son in this case—will have spending obligations. He will have to spend upon his sister. He will have to spend upon his wife, if he has one. He’ll have to spend upon his mother, if she’s still alive. He will have to spend upon—typically, that’s going to be his role.
As for that woman, the money she receives—nobody does she have to spend it on at all. No one. Except in some situations—if her parents are really poor and there’s no one to spend on them except her and she’s wealthy—that’s a different matter. But typically, that money is hers. Okay? Handbags and shoes—she can, you know, at the end of the day, if that’s what she wants to spend it on, that’s what she can spend it on. She doesn’t have to spend it on anybody.
But typically, that boy would have to spend—even if we say no one was left except just that brother and sister—that boy may well be obliged to look after his sister.
Yeah, true.
But that sister, she doesn’t have to spend on him. So that’s one reason.
Okay.
But it’s actually a misconception that it’s a universal rule that men receive double what women receive in inheritance. Sometimes men and women receive the same. So let’s take, for example, a person who dies and leaves behind a sister—yeah—on their mother’s side, okay? And a brother on their mother’s side. They inherit equally. Half and half. 50–50. The sister on the mother’s side and the brother on the mother’s side.
Okay.
Because Allah subḥānahu wa taʿālā said:
وَإِن كَانَ رَجُلٌ يُورَثُ كَلَالَةً أَوِ امْرَأَةٌ وَلَهُ أَخٌ أَوْ أُخْتٌ فَلِكُلِّ وَاحِدٍ مِّنْهُمَا السُّدُسُ “If there is a man who dies without any children, or a woman, and they have a brother or sister on the mother’s side, then each of them receives one-sixth.”
What do you mean by brother and sister on the mother’s side?
So we think of the deceased person here. So let’s say ‘Abdullah dies. And ‘Abdullah has a half-brother and a half-sister. The half-brother and sister are half from his mom’s side. In other words, his mom was previously married or subsequently married, and he has a half-brother and a half-sister.
They inherit equally. 50–50. You know, like a sudus, a sixth and a sixth. Or if they are more than that, then they share a third equally among themselves. The male and the female do not get different amounts. So that’s an example when they inherit the same.
They may even inherit more. So, for example, let’s take a woman who dies leaving behind her husband and two daughters. Okay? The husband inherits a quarter, and the daughters inherit a third each.
Oh wow.
So now the daughters inherited more. Even each individual daughter inherited more than their father inherited—from their mother who passed away.
And there are some situations like that. For example, a wife dies leaving behind a husband and leaving behind a single daughter. The husband takes a quarter. She takes a half, the daughter—and she inherits the remaining as well. She inherits what remains from it.
There are some situations, even, in which a woman inherits and a man doesn’t inherit anything. So let’s take, for example, a woman who dies. She leaves behind a husband, a father, a mother, a daughter, and a granddaughter from her son. Okay?
A granddaughter from her son—if it were a grandson from her son, he wouldn’t inherit anything. But the granddaughter from her son inherits a sixth.
Okay.
So if it was her brother, he wouldn’t inherit anything. The reason he wouldn’t inherit anything is because what he would normally receive is al-baqi’—whatever is left over. And in that situation, there’s nothing left. Everything has already been divided—each share has been given out to other people—and she, meaning the granddaughter, takes a fixed share of a sixth.
But if it was the case that she had a brother, the brother gets nothing—because there's nothing left for him.
So yes, these are not the most common situations. But there are situations. It’s not that Islam didn’t set a principle saying, “Women, you don’t deserve anything. Men, you deserve more.” Rather, each situation is set out by Allah subḥānahu wa taʿālā.
There are times when a woman gets equal, there are times when she gets more, and there are times when she inherits and the man inherits nothing.
But the general principle is that, for example, when it comes to children on the same level, or when it comes to brothers and sisters on the father’s side, or full brothers and sisters, generally speaking, it goes that the man takes double that which the woman takes.
But—her wealth belongs to her alone, and the man typically has obligations to spend out of his wealth. And that’s just one of the wisdoms—not from me personally—but the scholars of Islam mention it as a wisdom you can derive from it.
But ultimately, we have to submit to Allah, and we understand that Allah knows best for us. Allah subḥānahu wa taʿālā is not going to oppress anybody among us—He's not going to oppress any woman among us or any man among us. Allah ʿazza wa jall knows best—and that is more important even than the reasoning I just gave, which is just to say that, typically, a man has spending obligations while a woman does not.
That’s fair enough.
But that’s only one example. Really, the ultimate reason is:
أَلَا يَعْلَمُ مَنْ خَلَقَ “Does He not know who created?” (Surah Al-Mulk, 67:14)
The One who created you knows better—what to give you and what not to give you.
Yeah, and I think that’s something that—like I reiterate, like I said before—that’s a constant theme that has come up time and time again over this podcast.
We’ve mentioned some very controversial issues, and of course, the number one reason why we submit is because this is what Allah has said.
Having said that, within each and every single one of them, you’ve brought about—from yourself and from the scholars before you—wisdoms that we can understand as human beings, let alone the ḥikmah (wisdom) that is with Allah that we’re not even aware of.
I think that’s an important, important point to bring out—that every single ruling within the religion of Islam that we’ve discussed today—there hasn’t been a single one where—I don’t think we’ve actually—I don’t think you’ve actually sat opposite me and said, “Just accept it. Just accept it.” You’ve always brought about wisdoms.
Even though, as Muslims, we should be accepting it anyway, as you established at the start.
Yeah, because we have to understand that whatever wisdoms we bring are just our limited ability to see the wisdom in certain things. But actually, the real wisdom is far greater than that.
Yeah.
You know, we mentioned, for example, a woman remaining in a house—and you know, some of the scholars mentioned...
For example, waqarna — the word used is the word qarar. And the word qarar means to find, to be settled there. That’s where she's going to be settled and where she's comfortable and based around. And you know, there are so many wisdoms that are mentioned. But the point is that, ultimately, we need to have that trust in Allah — that those wisdoms are there. That Allah doesn't legislate zulm for anyone. And Allah doesn't legislate hardship.
You know, even this word takleef, you know, this word al-mukallaf, they say like burdened, yeah? You know, Allah hasn't burdened you with anything:
"La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus‘aha." "Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear."
Allah has honoured you with Islam. Allah has given you gifts. Allah has blessed you. Allah hasn’t burdened anyone with anything. But these examples are just to show that there are wisdoms. So people watch and say, “Okay, yeah I can see some of the wisdom in that.” But actually, the wisdom in it is far greater than even what any human being can express or can explain.
Yeah. I have one more question for you before we move on to some of the closing questions. And this is to do with actually a topic that is not normally associated with Islam — and that’s the topic of superstition.
And there’s a hadith I have here in Sahih al-Bukhari, where the Prophet ﷺ said:
“Evil omen is in the woman, the house and the horse.”
How do you explain that?
"Innama ash-shu’mu fi thalāth..." hadith — aw kama qala ﷺ — that ash-shu’m is found in three things.
I think that, first of all, what you said in the beginning is actually very important — that superstition has no place in Islam. So whatever this hadith means, for certain this hadith is not superstition.
But ash-shu’m is where you can feel that something is not right for you. It's just, “This is not meant for me.” And the Prophet ﷺ mentioned three things. He mentioned:
- al-mar’ah — a woman, as in your wife,
- dābbah — a riding beast,
- and bayt — a house.
Islam doesn’t oppress houses — I think we've all agreed unanimously that Islam is not a religion that oppresses houses or oppresses horses or camels — so there’s no reason to consider this oppresses a woman.
It simply means that when you know you have that feeling — a shu’m is like that — like you have a feeling that it’s just, “This doesn’t... it isn't meant for me. This doesn't work for me.”
There are some houses — there's no reason, someone says, “Explain why,” — it’s not a compromise, it’s not working for me. It’s not something that is right for me.
Now, Islam didn’t approve any kind of superstition — that this person is superstitious, or they’re a curse upon me, or an evil omen upon me. I think the translator there tried to find a good word for ash-shu’m, which is difficult to bring in. But this feeling that something just... to be honest, “This person is just not bringing good for me. You know, since I married... it’s just not worked out for me — one way or the other.” That is correct to say about a woman, about your wife. That it could be a case that someone got married and it just doesn't suit them. And they can't necessarily put their finger on it. Or they can't really necessarily express it in words — it’s just not working out for me.
And the same thing can happen with a riding beast — that this riding beast, since every time I've ridden it, something has gone wrong. Like it just didn’t work out for me. And I'm not saying it’s superstitious or it's cursed or something.
I'm just saying that it just has not worked out for me properly at all. And likewise, a person can say so about a house. You see — “You know what, I've just decided I'm going to move.” “Why are you going to move? Your house is in a nice area.” “It's just not for me. This thing is not for me.”
So that is one understanding of the hadith. But for sure, what we can say is: there is absolutely no chance of superstition in Islam — because that goes against tawhid, which is the essence of Islam.
Yeah.
Okay, I want to move on to some closing questions now, before I give you a chance to summarize what we've discussed so far.
I was wondering when you were going to ask me about the things that women have been given that men haven't been given.
Yeah, that's not for this podcast. That's definitely not for this one. We're not going to talk about wearing gold and silk, and you know — the ease that's been given to the women in some of the hadiths. No, that door is closed. That door is definitely closed. That's not for discussion here.
Okay.
Okay.
Question: What if someone listens to this, and they've heard what you have to say, and they agree with what you have to say — however, they say that there is no doubt that the religion of Islam nowadays, as it is practiced — let’s just say culturally in parts of the world — is oppressing women. And therefore, what about the solution of actually changing some of the texts — some of the religious texts — to make sure that these kinds of things aren't abused? What are your thoughts on that?
Answer: Okay. The problem with that — there are three really huge problems.
The first thing is that Allah ʿazza wa jall sent down this religion knowing what would happen until the end of time:
ٱلۡيَوۡمَ أَكۡمَلۡتُ لَكُمۡ دِينَكُمۡ وَأَتۡمَمۡتُ عَلَيۡكُمۡ نِعۡمَتِي وَرَضِيتُ لَكُمُ ٱلۡإِسۡلَـٰمَ دِينٗا "This day I have perfected your religion for you, completed My favor upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion."
اليوم أكملت من أفضل عليكم وتمامت عليكم دينك، وأتممت عليكم صلاة وإسلام، إخلاص عليكم الإسلام هو دينكم — Islam is your religion now — whatever was not your religion one day, as Imam Mālik said: "مَا لَمْ يَكُنْ دِينًا يَوْمًا، لَا يَكُونُ دِينًا الْيَوْمَ." “Whatever was not religion one day is not religion today.”
ديننا لا يملك هذا — our religion doesn't have this (concept of revision or updating the divine laws).
The second problem is: يوم عندما تفتح الباب، أنت فقط فتحت الباب للناس الذين يريدون رفض النصوص — The day you open that door, you've just opened the door for the people who want to reject the texts.
فقد فتحت الباب بفضل الأنبوب والرضاء — You’ve opened the door wide for distortion and following desires.
Opening the door to revision of the text according to what you feel and like — the ʿulamā’ say: العقول تتفاوت — “The intellects are of varying levels.” Some people might recommend something that they see to be good, but another person sees it to be bad, or sees that it has negative side effects.
So it's this idea of allowing people to revise the text.
The third thing is: It's just not necessary — because all that is necessary is going back to the Islam of the Prophet ﷺ.
It's not Islam that's at fault. It's not practicing Islam that's at fault. And actually, if you look at that, you actually see that the question itself provides the answer:
“There are people not practicing Islam properly — so let’s revise Islam.”
Actually, no — there are people not practicing Islam properly — so let’s start practicing Islam properly.
They are the ones who revised Islam and oppressed their women.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
"واستوصوا بالنساء خيرًا" “Treat women well.”
The Prophet ﷺ told us that you’ve taken them as an amānah from Allah — a responsibility from Allah.
It’s a severe thing. It’s a mīthāq ghalīẓ —
ميثاق غليظ “A firm and heavy covenant” — as Allah described in the Qur’an.
This is what Islam said.
So what we need to do is go back to Islam — and we need to get rid of every attempt to change, revise, and modify Islam.
Someone might say — and it's really important to note — that Islam does provide flexibility in the form of qawāʿid and uṣūl.
What we mean by that is: there are principles and a framework — which is from Islam, revealed by Allah — that gives us flexibility in certain matters.
That flexibility is built into Islam. You don’t need to add it, revise it, or change it. It’s actually an original part of Islam.
And it only exists in the things where Allah ʿAzza wa Jall has given you that right — that flexibility that is already there.
That’s how — when someone says:
"How can Islam survive until now?"
Because there are qawāʿid (principles) and uṣūl (foundations), a framework which allows you to deal with new situations, new circumstances, and so on — in the light of what Allah revealed, and not according to people’s ʿuqūl (intellects).
Because the feminist, for example, wants it revised one way — and let’s say, for example, someone who is a misogynist, wants to revise it in a different way.
And ultimately, we don’t want either of them to revise it. We want it to be like it was revealed — from the Lord of the Worlds.
Interviewer: You know, you mentioned throughout this podcast feminism and feminists — what are your general thoughts on this kind of feminism movement that’s been taking place?
I think that when I looked at feminism — and I don’t claim to be an expert on feminism — I don’t think that’s fair.
I think my job here is to present what Islam says, what I know of Islam. So I would definitely put that disclaimer out there.
But from what I have understood about feminism is that feminism gathers together lots of different movements, lots of different ideologies, and lots of different levels of severity within that — different perspectives, different levels of extremism and extremity, to be honest, are gathered all in together.
There are certain things that feminists wanted to achieve at some point — be it first-wave feminism or second-wave feminism — but Islam already gave them [those rights] in the beginning.
And so what we say is that feminism wasn’t really the answer — but rather, the answer was, again, Islam.
Islam already gave, you know — for example, you have some situations where a woman is effectively treated like property — you know, like she’s basically inherited, and that she is considered to be a slave to a husband and things like that.
Islam already gave women those rights. So the right to break out of that — was given to them by Islam.
They don’t need a movement to do that.
And there are a lot of things in there that are not compatible with Islam, in all honesty.
And there are some things in there that reach such an extreme that they even break the rules that feminism was built upon.
You know — all these issues now — this modern agenda which actually takes the choice of a woman away: The choice to be a woman. The choice to be just a woman.
You know —
“No, no — you’re not allowed to be a woman. You have to be a man. Until you are a man, you cannot be a feminist.”
That, really in reality, is going far, far away from what’s going to bring a woman happiness.
And ultimately — men and women — our happiness is in servitude.
As soon as you leave servitude to Allah, you end up with servitude to creation.
And that inevitably is usually going to end up with a woman in servitude to a man — because at the end of the day, that’s how society has worked for the longest time.
When you have servitude to Allah, that’s the only way to break out of that.
Because that woman says:
“Look, I might be obeying you in what is good. The minute you tell me to do something that Allah is not happy with — I’m sorry — my servitude is to Allah, not to you.”
And that’s ultimately what’s going to bring men and women happiness. People will search for happiness in other things, but ultimately they realize they don’t find that happiness — except in servitude to Allah.
And that’s what we’re calling to. We’re not calling to women serving men. We’re calling to men and women being servants of Allah, and living the way that Allah has organized their life —
However that is — with the flexibility that’s in there — but living within the framework that Allah sent down for organizing and structuring our lives.
And ultimately, you know — that might mean that one is in charge and one isn’t. But at the end of the day, Allah Subḥānahu wa Taʿālā gives you the opportunity to get near to Him, an opportunity for reward.
So I personally see that — I wouldn’t discount every single goal of feminism. But I would just simply say — like every -ism — it has to be taken and compared to the Book and the Sunnah.
And what you find is that the vast majority of things in there are incompatible with the Qur’an and the Sunnah.
And you actually find now — whether we’re talking about fourth wave, new wave, feminism 4.0 — ultimately you find things that are...
You know, we talk about this whole issue of pressure on people to change their gender
And you know — all this kind of stuff that's going on — well, it's gone to a level that if the first-wave feminists saw it, they would declare themselves free from it.
"We are free from this. We have nothing to do with it."
But in the beginning, there may have been certain objectives which pushed them towards that movement — which were actually given to them by Islam.
But the answer to that is not feminism. The answer to that is actually Islam. Because whenever you make a system for yourself to achieve something, you actually realize that system falls short of what Allah already gave you.
Final question from me, before you have your chance to summarize the discussion:
What would your advice be to a Muslim sister who wants to be a practicing Muslim sister, and she’s watched this discussion — but she’s living in a time and place where she’s constantly being told:
"You're being oppressed. You’re being oppressed."
And she really wants to be a practicing Muslim — what would your advice be to someone like that?
My advice, honestly, would be to focus on Allah.
You know — at the end of the day — for you to make your relationship with Allah right, Allah will make your relationship with everybody else right.
And ultimately, if you seek to please Allah, Allah will make people pleased with you.
And if you displease Allah, then people will never be happy with you — whatever you do for them. They’ll never be satisfied.
So I would say — the goal of that sister is not like we say:
“Okay, you need to look at your husband, and you need to look at your father, and you need to be…”
No. We say:
“The first thing you need to do is build your relationship with Allah, and make that your only priority.”
And ultimately, that’s true for men and women. Because we all go through things.
I remember — when I first accepted Islam — there was a lot of pressure to do things that were not in line with Islam.
And until now, many men are under pressure to do things that are not in line with Islam.
But ultimately, we turn around and say:
“My goal here is to make Allah pleased. My goal is not to make people pleased.”
And that’s why — even in this — you know, in these answers I’ve given — I haven’t aimed to please people.
You know, I’m not making this video so that people watch it and they think,
“Oh wow, you know, I’m really pleased.”
I can make it — I can make it sound really sweet. You know, I can sweeten it. We can put a bit of honey on top and it can become like, you know, such a — everything can just be sweetened for people.
But really, what we want to do is — we want to make Allah happy. We want to make Allah pleased with us.
And if Allah is pleased with us, people — well — if there’s good in them, they will be pleased.
And ultimately, when you live like that, you feel real freedom.
You actually feel like,
“Now I’m free.”
Because I don’t care what anybody thinks of me — على وجه الأرض — on the face of this Earth, I don’t care what anybody thinks of me — if Allah is happy with me. If Allah is pleased with me, that’s all I want.
And I would say to people — really simple:
"Just go back."
الله أمرك بهذا؟
Did Allah command you to do this?
إذن لا يُضَيِّعُنَا
Then He’s not going to forsake us.
Allah is not going to let us go. Allah is not going to make us lost.
If Allah commanded it — if there’s something that your husband is telling you to do that Allah: ما أنزل الله بها من سلطان
Allah sent no authority down for it,
you have every right to say:
“Allah didn’t send down any authority for this.” “I’m sorry — I’m not willing to do that.”
But if it’s Allah that commanded you to do something, Allah is not going to cause you to be lost.
Look at this — a statement of who? Of a man or a woman? A woman.
Hājar (عليها السلام) — she said:
الله أمرك بهذا؟ Did Allah command you to do this?
Or was it your idea?
Allah told me to leave you here.
Then she said:
إذن لا يُضَيِّعُنَا Then He will not abandon us.
Allah’s not going to cause us to become lost. He’s not going to leave any man or woman who does righteous deeds. He’s not going to cause anything they do to be lost.
جزاك الله خيرًا — I really appreciate your time today. بارك الله فيك.
Would you like to summarize what we’ve discussed? I think we’ve got a lot of the points.
I think it’s really, really important again that we go back to the idea of servitude to Allah ʿazza wa jall.
We go back to the idea that you have unlimited opportunities in front of you — men and women. You have so many opportunities — Wallāh — when you waste your time, both men and women — and I don’t mean just women — men and women, you waste your time coveting what other people have, looking for what someone else has:
“Why can’t I be the one sat in that chair?” “Why can’t I be the one doing this?” “Why can’t I be the one...?”
Wallāh, you just lose the opportunities that are in front of you.
So take them.
Make sure you learn your religion properly, because that’s the only way you’re going to know — first of all, for men, you're not going to know how to treat a woman right unless you know your religion. For women, you're not going to know what it means to be treated correctly unless you know your religion.
Let’s go back to how the religion used to be in the beginning — because that’s what brought honor.
And if you look at role models — like our mother ʿĀ’ishah (رضي الله عنها) — you look at the Mothers of the Believers, you look at the daughters of the Prophet ﷺ (رضي الله عنهن), you look at the Ṣaḥābiyāt — you see every kind of success, every kind of goodness, every kind of achievement in this world.
There’s so much that every Muslim woman can do — Wallāh — she just doesn’t need to waste her time sitting there listening to the statements of people who don’t want good for her.
Wallāh, if they wanted good for her — you look at them and say:
“Okay, after she takes this feminism, and she becomes a feminist, and she leaves all the religion that Allah ʿazza wa jall has sent — then what do you want from her?”
What you want from her is:
كُلُّ سُوءٍ وَمَكْرُوه Everything evil and detestable.
That’s what you want. Because ultimately that’s what it’s based upon.
Freedom — true freedom — comes from worshipping Allah ʿazza wa jall.
There are so many things — Islam gives rules to everyone. And ultimately, Allah gives you the best set of opportunities for you.
And sometimes I think people want things that are harder than the things they have.
You know, for a woman who has been given — for example — if someone said to you:
“Look — pray five times a day, fast the month of Ramadan, obey — let’s say for example — Waliyy al-Amr (the guardian or authority), and eight doors of Jannah will be opened for you.”
And you say:
“Well, I don’t want it.” “I’m sorry — I don’t want the eight doors of Jannah. I want to go out and work.”
Lā Wallāh — if Allah has given you something, take what Allah has given you — take it with both hands.
خُذِ الْكِتَابَ بِقُوَّةٍ “Take the Scripture with strength.” [Surah Maryam, 19:12]
Go and take every opportunity that Allah has given you.
And you’ll still find — within Islam — so much flexibility. So much flexibility that will allow you to still be your own self, to do the things that you want — you’ll find that within Islam, in shā’ Allāh.
I think otherwise, I would just say: the points that we made at the beginning — those were the most important points to go back to. I think we’ve covered a lot, and it’s been a good session, alḥamdulillāh.
It was nice to come back. Fāriq Allāhu fīk — May Allah bless you. In shā’ Allāh — we’ll see you again soon, in shā’ Allāh.
سُبْحَانَكَ اللَّهُمَّ وَبِحَمْدِكَ، أَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ، أَسْتَغْفِرُكَ وَأَتُوبُ إِلَيْكَ
Glory is to You, O Allah, and praise; I bear witness that there is no deity but You. I seek Your forgiveness and I repent to You.
