Answer: I think the fact that you wear a niqab is not the real issue when it comes to speaking to people openly or finding a person for marriage. I actually think that, generally, it is the modesty of the Muslim woman and the hijab as a whole—the entire concept of hijab—which means that it’s not practical to come across someone in a public setting, judge them by their looks, and then ask someone to speak to them or introduce yourself to them.
So, I think we need to go back to how we approach someone for marriage. The first thing to understand is that, broadly speaking, and in a very summarised way, you are looking at the brother’s religious commitment, character, and compatibility with you. Now, in that sort of situation, how do you go about finding the right kind of person? There are several possibilities, and I’ll just mention a few of them.
One is that you come across someone—not someone who just happens to walk past you, but someone you find out about. It could be that you have a brother who is studying, and that someone is studying with your brother, for example, or your brother mentions that person. It could be that you hear of the brother through a lecture or some other setting. I don’t think it should be based on what you see but rather on finding out more about them and becoming aware of them. That is one option.
When that takes place, it’s really important that it is the wali who finds out more about your potential spouse. This would normally be your father. If your father is not available or cannot do so, then ideally, it would be someone your father has appointed from your close relatives, like a brother. In situations where a person doesn’t have a wali at all, the wali might be appointed by someone with Islamic authority. Without going into too many details, the wali is the one who should approach and find out more.
The fact that you wear the niqab further protects your modesty and shyness. It’s not the case that you’re going to approach the person yourself. Even if you were to walk past them in the street, they wouldn’t see you in that way because you’re wearing the proper and complete hijab. The purpose is not for them to see you, but for your wali to discuss the option of marriage with them.
It is okay for you to find out more about them through others. For example, you might have a brother who studies with them, or you might know their sister or mother. You can find out more about the person in a way that is appropriate—female to female or male to male—to see if they might be suitable and interested in marriage. Ultimately, though, it is the wali who manages this process.
Another way is to ask friends, family members, or relatives to suggest suitable people. This is different from them arranging your marriage directly. They look for people who might be compatible with you and make suggestions, like, “This person might be suitable,” or “What about this person?” They can provide information, and you can ask questions, but again, it’s the wali who takes care of the formal approach.
Finally, one excellent way I recommend is to use websites or marriage services that are Islamically acceptable. I don’t mean chatting, dating websites, or un-Islamic platforms that involve photographs or allow men and women to meet up. I mean services where marriage profiles are shared. For example, a brother might fill out a profile saying, “I’m 25 years old, earning this much, working in this job, living in this place, and looking for a woman with these characteristics.” Profiles like this allow you to look through many options.
If you’re interested in a profile, you indicate your interest. The brother might also look at your profile and express interest. When both parties are interested, the wali should get involved. It shouldn’t be the sister speaking to the brother directly. The wali should approach the brother, who is already known to have a general interest.
Regarding the niqab, at some point—and not right away—as discussions progress and there seems to be compatibility in terms of religious commitment and character, it would be the potential spouse’s right to see you without your niqab. This should be managed by the wali. He would arrange for the brother to see you without adornment or makeup to help him make an informed decision about whether to move forward.
In summary, I’ve mentioned three ways people could potentially find spouses: becoming aware of someone, asking friends and relatives, and using an Islamically acceptable marriage service without photos, chatting, or direct interaction between men and women.
That’s what Allah made easy for me to mention. Allah knows best.
— Answered by Ustadh Muhammad Tim Humble
