Answer: So considering that the sister in the question says that she doesn't want to divorce and therefore she is not looking to break up the marriage but she is looking to correct her husband's behaviour towards her, then I would suggest that there are two great things that she can do which will assist her in the changes that she wants to see in her husband. The first one is sincere du'a and turning to Allah and asking Allah to rectify his character and repenting and turning to Allah in repentance because repentance brings about an end to calamities. So making du'a for him, for his character, such as saying the du'a:
اللَّهُمَّ اهْدِهِ لأَحْسَنِ الأَخْلاَقِ لاَ يَهْدِي لأَحْسَنِهَا إِلاَّ أَنْتَ وَاصْرِفْ عَنْهُ سَيِّئَهَا لاَ يَصْرِفُ عَنْهُ سَيِّئَهَا إِلاَّ أَنْتَ
Oh Allah, guide him to the best of manners, No one guides to the best of manners except you and take away from him the worst of manners and no one takes away the worst of manners except you.
The second thing that she can do is that she can encourage him to seek beneficial knowledge because there is no doubt that beneficial knowledge makes a big difference to a person's behaviour and nothing rectifies a person's behaviour better than beneficial knowledge. So by encouraging him to seek knowledge, for example, the AMAU academy, the section on or the Masār, the pathway on manners and character could make a big, big difference or perhaps some of the one-off classes AMAU does like Tazkiyatun Nafs - purifying the soul and so on. These classes can make a big, big difference to a person's behaviour.
The third thing that I would advise her to do is not to involve many other people because it's very hard for a man who has mistakes, whether in his character or any other action, to rectify himself when many people are involved because that affects his feeling of his reputation and what people think about him and so on. And it conflicts with the aspects of authority and it makes it very hard for a person to want to change.
And that's why when you advise the Wali al-'Amr, the person who's responsible, you advise them in private. So I would say that there will be times when they have good moments in their relationship. There will be times when perhaps the husband is behaving in a better way towards his wife.
At those times, she should approach the topic with him and say, look how good our relationship is now. Look how amazing things are between us right now. Why does it end up like, you know, with this hitting and this stuff that is happening and how can we stop it? And it's more likely that he will respond in a positive way.
Now, that's not to say she shouldn't involve anyone, especially if the violence is something that is a danger to her or is causing a harm to her or to her children. There is no doubt that in those sort of cases, she may need to involve other people. But rather than involving everyone, try to look at the key people who could really make a change for that person by Allah's permission.
And once again, I want to emphasise that without du'a and turning to Allah, all of the other efforts, they don't produce a result. But a result, you get it from combining two things. Trust in Allah and turning to him and working hard.
And that is what I've tried to provide in this answer. And Allah Azzawajal knows best.
— Answered by Ustadh Muhammad Tim Humble
