Answer: It is without a doubt that what your family members are trying to do is محرم. It is haram without a shadow of a doubt.
It is not a sin you should accept from them, nor is it something you should be pleased with. This is something that angers Allah.
I advise you to take the following steps to counter this issue with wisdom and in the most appropriate way:
- Advise Them Gently
Advise them in a good manner and clarify the Islamic ruling regarding this matter. Explain that this is something that angers Allah, and if they persist in doing it, the wrath of Allah may descend upon them. Make the ruling clear to them. - Seek Help from a Trusted Family Member
If that doesn’t work, seek someone from your family who is smart and clever—someone you think well of and whom your family members also hold in high regard. Clarify the issue to this person. Perhaps Allah, through their efforts and hard work, will guide your family members to stop, and the issue may come to an end. - Consult a Scholar or Person of Knowledge
If that doesn’t work, bring a scholar or a person of knowledge in the community whom your family members respect or feel shy to oppose. This person could be within the family or outside it, but they should be someone respected for their knowledge. Sometimes, people feel shy to go against what a scholar has advised. - Do Not Accept or Participate
If that doesn’t work and they persist, do not accept what they are doing or participate in such an act.
Allah commands us in the Quran:
... فَلَا تَقْعُدُوا۟ مَعَهُمْ حَتَّىٰ يَخُوضُوا۟ فِى حَدِيثٍ غَيْرِهِۦٓ ۚ إِنَّكُمْ إِذًا مِّثْلُهُمْ ...
... sit not with them, until they engage in a talk other than that; (but if you stayed with them) certainly in that case you would be like them ... (Surah An-Nisa 140)
Also, the Prophet ﷺ told us in the famous hadith:
مَنْ رَأَى مِنْكُمْ مُنْكَرًا فَلْيُغَيِّرْهُ بِيَدِهِ فَإِنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَبِلِسَانِهِ فَإِنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَبِقَلْبِهِ وَذَلِكَ أَضْعَفُ الْإِيمَانِ
“Whoever among you sees evil, let him change it with his hand. If he cannot do so, then with his tongue. If he cannot do so, then with his heart, which is the weakest level of faith.” (Sahih Muslim 49)
You must, at the very least, hate it in your heart. Hating it in your heart means not participating in such gatherings or places where these actions are done.
— Answered by Ustadh Abdulrahman Hassan
