Have you ever met someone who barely finishes saying Assalamu Alaikum before pointing out something wrong with you?
"Brother, why is your beard so short?"
"Sister, this is not proper hijab."
"Brother, which speakers do you listen to?"
And before you can even finish answering:
"Don't listen to that speaker! He's a deviant!"
You have barely exchanged names. The person knows almost nothing about you, yet the first conversation has already turned into an interrogation or a correction.
Perhaps the person means well. Perhaps he genuinely loves the Sunnah and wants others to follow it.
Sincerity in wanting good for someone does not automatically mean you are advising them in the right way.
You don't know what that person has been through.
Perhaps the sister you just criticised only recently started wearing hijab after years of struggling with it.
Perhaps the brother whose beard you commented on has only recently begun practising his religion.
Perhaps the person you reprimanded in front of others was already having one of the most difficult days of his life.
And perhaps, had you taken the time to know them, you would have found a much better way to help them.
The Salaf understood that advising people required more than simply knowing what was right and wrong. It required wisdom, patience, compassion and an understanding of the person being advised.
Abdullah ibn al-Mubarak رحمه الله said:
"When a man saw something in his brother that he disliked, he would advise him privately and admonish him privately, and he would be rewarded for both. But today, if someone sees something in another that he dislikes, he angers his brother and exposes him." (Rawdah al-'Uqala, 1/197)
Ibn Hazm رحمه الله wrote:
“When you advise, do so privately, not publicly, and indirectly rather than explicitly, except with someone who would not understand (the advice) without direct speech.” (Al-Akhlaq wa al-Siyar fi Mudawat al-Nufus 1/45)
Allah says:
"Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction." (Surah an-Nahl 16:125)
Notice that Allah did not merely command us to invite people to the truth. He also taught us how to invite them.
And the Prophet ﷺ said:
"Indeed, gentleness is not found in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it." (Sahih Muslim 2594)
Sometimes, in our enthusiasm to correct a mistake, we forget the human being standing in front of us.
We become so concerned about the length of someone's beard that we forget to ask how he is doing.
We become so concerned about correcting someone's hijab that we forget to make her feel welcomed among practising Muslims.
We become so eager to warn someone about a particular speaker that we don't even bother understanding what they have actually learned from him.
We become so eager to point out what is missing in someone's religion that we fail to appreciate the good Allah has already guided them towards.
This does not mean we abandon enjoining good and forbidding evil. Nor does it mean every correction must be delayed or given privately. There are situations where immediate or public clarification is necessary.
But not every mistake requires an immediate confrontation, and not every person benefits from being corrected in the same way.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is smile, give salam, build a relationship and earn someone's trust.
Sometimes you need to listen before you speak.
Sometimes your advice will carry far more weight after someone knows that you genuinely care about them.
Remember, your goal is not to prove that you know the Sunnah better than the person standing before you.
Your goal is to help bring that person closer to Allah, through means that are pleasing to Allah.
And if your enthusiasm for practising the religion is making you impatient, insensitive and harsh towards the very people you wish to guide, then perhaps there is another Sunnah you need to pay more attention to.
The Sunnah of gentleness.
Don't let your love for correcting people's mistakes become greater than your concern for the people themselves.
Team AMAU
www.amauacademy.com
