Note: The following transcript was generated using AI and may contain inaccuracies.
You're about to watch a special one-off lecture delivered by Ustad Abdur Rahman Hassan on the topic of raising righteous children and developing an Islamic-friendly household.
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The Importance of an Islamic Household
This topic, an Islamic Muslim household, is something I have been collecting benefits from books that I read—mainly for myself because of my children and how I want to raise them.
Alhamdulillah, Allah has blessed me with eight kids—four boys and four girls. I hope, Insha'Allah Ta'ala, that I become a good role model and a good father to them.
So these points, Insha'Allah Ta'ala, are insights I have gathered from my readings and the benefits I found in books.
Whenever I find a benefit, I write it down in my notebook, and Insha'Allah Ta'ala, I hope to share them with you all.
I ask Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala to make each and every one of us beneficial for ourselves, our community, and our households.
The Household as a Place of Tranquility
Brothers and sisters, the word "Al-Buyut" (house)—if you think about it—is a place where you should find tranquility and ease.
There was a noble companion by the name of Uqba ibn Amir who one day came to the Prophet ﷺ and asked:
"Ya Rasulullah, man najah?"
"O Messenger of Allah, what is success?"
He was looking for guidance.
The Prophet ﷺ told him that success is connected to three things:
- Hold your tongue.
- Stay in your home. (This is what we are going to talk about today.)
- Cry over your mistakes and shortcomings.
The Prophet ﷺ emphasized these three points as the keys to success.
The first one—holding your tongue—is critical because everything we say is recorded. We have heard many lectures about the dangers of the tongue.
But today, I want to focus on the second point:
"Success is when your household is a place of refuge during trials and tribulations in society."
Allah tells us in Surah An-Nahl about the blessings He has given us:
وَاللَّهُ جَعَلَ لَكُم مِّنۢ بُيُوتِكُمْ سَكَنًۭا
What does "Sakana" mean?
It means tranquility.
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala tells us here that one of the greatest blessings He has given us is the home—a place of tranquility and ease.
Yet, many people do not find tranquility in their households.
Why is there no happiness in many households?
The majority of the questions I receive are related to marital problems.
One of the greatest scholars of our time, Shaykh Abdul Aziz ibn Baz, was once asked:
"What are the most frequent questions you receive?"
He replied:
"Marriage and divorce-related issues—problems concerning people's households."
So, Insha'Allah, I want to share practical steps that can help each and every one of us turn our homes into places of tranquility and peace.
1. Building Our Households on Piety
The first and most important step is to build our households on piety and Taqwa.
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala tells us in the Qur'an:
"Eat and drink, but do not go beyond limits. Indeed, Allah does not like those who go beyond limits." (Surah Al-A’raf, 7:31)
A Muslim household must be built upon halal provisions.
A man must nurture his wife and children with halal income.
What you bring into your home—your source of income—is what Allah has mentioned in this ayah:
"Eat and drink, but do not go beyond limits."
Some of the Mufassireen explain that this encompasses every form of haram.
What does that mean?
It means do not go beyond the boundaries set by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
The Prophet ﷺ taught us in a famous hadith that Allah has set clear boundaries.
So, what is upon us, brothers and sisters?
"Do not go outside these boundaries and seek haram provisions for your family."
If you bring haram income into your household, your children will be raised upon haram.
This is why we see so many young men and women today falling into haram lifestyles—selling drugs, engaging in forbidden acts, and living lives of disobedience.
The reason?
"They were nurtured on haram income."
Some parents take government money illegally or earn from impermissible sources, thinking it has no effect—but it does.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
"Every flesh that is nurtured upon haram, the Hellfire has rights over it."
The Impact of Haram Provisions
The Prophet ﷺ told us in a hadith about a man:
- He is a traveler—cutting long distances.
- He is tired, exhausted, and in distress.
- He raises his hands to the sky and says: 'Ya Rabb, Ya Rabb!'
But Allah does not accept his dua.
Why?
"Because what he ate was haram, what he drank was haram, and he was nurtured upon haram."
How can his dua ever be accepted?
So, my dear brothers and sisters,
The rizq (provision) that you bring to your children—let it be halal!
Did you bring them? I read the tarjama of Right Is one of the great scholars of Islam. His father, it was said, used to be a slave, or he was just a slave for a master. He used to work for his slave master, and one day the master said to Mubarak, "Go and get me a fruit. Get me a fruit from the garden. But this fruit that you get me from the garden, let it be a fruit that is juicy. Get me a juicy fruit."
Mubarak went into the garden, brought an apple, and gave it to the master. The master took the apple, bit it, and said to Mubarak, "I told you to get me a juicy apple. Why did you get this?" He said, "I wouldn't know what fruit in your garden is juicy or not. I've never eaten from your garden. I've never taken."
The master said, "I have a question. The fruits that drop from the tree and fall on the floor—don't you take from any of them?" He said, "No, not at all. Have you given me permission for it?" "No." "Then why am I going to take?"
Mubarak gave birth to who? Abdullah ibn Mubarak. Abdullah ibn Mubarak went to Ismail ibn Ulayya, Hamad ibn Zayd—great imams of his time—and he used to pay for their wages. Abdullah ibn Mubarak used to say to them, "Don't take money from the leaders and anyone. I'm going to provide for you. I am going to be the person who's going to give you the wealth."
His son became rich. Abdullah ibn Mubarak used to say that sometimes he would come into the village and say to the people, "All of you, your Hajj is on me this year." Look at how wealthy Allah made him! This is his son. And he became an imam. Yushar ibn al-Banat. People would come to him from all directions to take knowledge from him. Rahimahullahu Rahmatan wa Raheem.
Why? Because his father consumed halal.
Are you with me, brothers?
I met in my life people who don’t have much knowledge. They didn’t even raise their children with deep Islamic knowledge. But guess what they did? They brought halal to the house. They made sure no haram income came into the house. And Allah saved their children.
Are we all together, brothers?
So the first thing, if you want to have an Islamic household, brothers, is you have to build a house with what? You have to build a household with Taqwa from Allah.
If we want to see good for our children, you are going to be rewarded for everything you bring to your house. A person will be rewarded upon the provision—all of the provision that you bring home to your family, you will be rewarded for it. Even the food that you place in the mouth of your wife, you will be rewarded for it. So make sure it’s halal.
If you bring haram to your wife’s home, a few days later, there is going to be a fight between you two.
Some of the Salaf used to say, "We disobey Allah. We disobey Allah. And we see the effect of that. And we see the effect of our sins on our writing and our wives."
Right?
Allah says, "Allah doesn’t change the affairs of the people until they change their affairs."
The way you can build your household upon piety also is by choosing a righteous wife.
One of the rights that people have on you is that you nurture your children properly.
We have rights on each of you. I have rights on all of you, and you have rights on me—that I nurture my children properly.
Why? Because your child, when he is released into the community, he is either going to bring them good or bad.
Who is he going to rob?
Who is he going to take from their belongings?
Who is he going to sell drugs to?
These are rights that the people have on you.
And when you forsake your responsibility, the community suffers. It becomes a harm to society.
There is not a person whom Allah places a responsibility on, and they forsake their responsibility, and they come to the Day of Judgment without fulfilling their responsibility—Jannah will be made haram for them.
So, you choose a righteous wife for your children.
Which woman can you trust to be the mother of your children?
"Oh, I saw her on TikTok."
"Oh, I saw her on Instagram."
"I saw her on Facebook."
That’s not enough.
This is the woman you want to be the mother of your children?
Is she worthy of being the mother of your children?
Same to you, sisters.
"Oh, I saw him uploading videos of him in the gym."
"I saw this and that."
Is this man worthy of being the father of your children?
The Prophet told us, "This dunya is a short period of joy."
The best thing in this dunya, brothers, is what? A righteous wife.
I can vouch for that.
For my children, even though I want to teach them Quran and everything, I can reassure you all—I couldn’t do it by myself.
I tried to teach my own children.
I tried to.
I couldn’t do it without their mother.
99.9% of the effort of my children—she put it in them.
You need a woman who’s going to do that for you.
Who’s going to sit down and nurture your children.
She’s not on Facebook and Twitter, posting all day.
The same with the sisters.
You have a brother who’s going to provide for you and take care of you and put all his energy and effort into you and your children.
Or is he just outside and about on the street corner standing?
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for one of four reasons."
The Prophet said that a woman is married for one of four reasons:
- Her beauty
- Her lineage
- Her wealth
- Her religion
The Prophet said, "Marry her for her religion, and it has been dusted."
The woman that you’re marrying, and the woman that you’ve chosen to be the mother of your children, has to be one that you’ve handpicked.
You thought about her.
You assessed the situation properly.
Why?
Because your children have rights on you.
And the rights that they have on you is that you chose this woman to be their mother.
If you’re doing something in the house, and the mother is doing something else in the house, it’s not going to work.
Same with you, sister.
If you’re trying to achieve a goal with your children, and the father wants something else from the children, you’re not going to reach the goal.
When is the building going to be complete?
If you’re building it, and someone is taking the bricks out from the bottom.
If you’re trying to build a strong household, and you’re trying to nurture good children, but your wife is taking the bricks out from the bottom, or your husband is taking the bricks out from the bottom—when?
When is the building going to be full?
The Prophet said:
A person should have a heart that expresses gratitude.
Shukr, brothers!
What does it do?
It's gratitude.
What does it do for you?
It brings you the blessings that you don't have.
And it allows the blessings that you currently have to remain for you.
And to what?
To take a tongue that is always remembering Allah.
Or...
A woman who is righteous.
Who is going to help you with what?
The affairs of the dunya.
And she’s going to help you with the affairs of the hereafter.
Your wife comes up to you and she says:
"These days, you haven’t been going to the masjid to pray Salah. I think you need to fix up. You’re slacking on the jama’a in the masjid. You’re going to do that, insha'Allah?"
You respond: "I need to work harder. JazakAllah khair."
She helps you with that.
Whenever you’re not giving enough da’wah, she says: "Go do da’wah."
And the same with the brother—whenever the wife is lacking in iman, and it’s going down, he helps her, pushes her.
That’s when you’re going to find happiness, brothers.
When Allah was saying "Sakan of the world," the wife was the Sakan.
Who do you find tranquility with?
The house is meant to be tranquility.
And the wife is tranquility.
Both.
First Point:
As I mentioned, brothers, the second point, insha’Allah, is:
We should make our house a place where Allah is always remembered.
Every day, me, my wife, and my children should be remembering Allah.
A lot.
In this house.
Allah has prepared for those two partners a great reward—because they remember Allah.
Allah says: "Remember Allah a lot."
In your household...
Is there a big 50-inch plasma television?
What is the conversation that goes on between you and your wife?
Are you talking about the Akhirah?
What is it?
What are the things going on in your house?
My advice to brothers:
If you have a television in your house, it is the biggest problem.
Get rid of these gadgets that are distracting your children.
One of the reasons why people buy televisions and make their children watch them is because they don’t have the energy to sit down with their children and talk.
They want to preoccupy their children with these gadgets.
"Use it, use it, have fun with that."
But what you don’t understand is...
Your child is going to be nurtured and cultivated by these YouTube videos.
The time that you chose not to give your child, and you let something or someone else do that job for you—
It has an effect on the relationship between you and your child.
Yes, it’s consuming.
It needs energy when it comes to children.
If you want to reap the benefits later, that’s what you need to do now.
Children ask a lot of questions.
They ask a lot of questions.
They are wide and never-ending, right?
Once you answer that question "why?"
That relationship is very important for the child.
And it is also important for their growth.
And it strengthens the bond between you and them.
Take the television out of the house.
And as a father, you spend that time with your child.
Tell them stories about when you were young.
The things that you did.
Let the mother do that as well.
Let her tell her story to the children.
One of the things I remember when I was young was—
My mother used to buy sweets.
A pack of sweets.
She would sit us all around.
We weren’t allowed to have television in the house.
My father never allowed it.
We were banned from having television.
And my father never used to let us go to other people’s houses—because they had television in their houses.
We had a very strict household.
So because of that...
My mother would have to spend every moment with us.
She would get a pack of sweets and she would sit us on the floor.
She would give us the sweets and ask us:
"Which Surah is after Humaza?"
"The Surah at the top and the Surah below it?"
She had a big Mushaf on her thighs.
And whenever we got it right—she would give us a sweet.
From Surah Al-Baqarah to Surah An-Nas—
My mother—
She made sure she taught us the Tartib of the Surahs.
She was the person who taught me that.
Every Surah, one after the other.
Al-Baqarah to Surah An-Nas.
The order of those Surahs—she taught me.
She would test us.
"What’s below it?"
"Surah Al-An’am."
"What’s above it? What’s below it?"
"Surah Al-Bayyinah."
"What’s above it? What’s below it?"
She would test us.
Learning when you’re young is like carving in a rock.
Don’t make your child lose that childhood period.
That time that he has.
The first 12 years of a child’s life is vital.
Don’t waste it.
Your child has to have memorized the Qur'an before he reaches the age of 4.
All of it has to be memorized.
All of the sciences—he has to have memorized.
A small little tool for it:
- Al-Ajrumiya
- Al-Qasr al-Sukar (another one)
- Amir al-Sul’ani
- Al-Sharif al-Din al-Imriti
All of those little books—before 12.
Can it be done?
How lucky!
Take everything away from him.
Install your energy, time, and effort in him.
Every two months—your child can finish Al-Fiya.
Because each day, he’s going to memorize 16 lines.
16 lines a day.
He’ll finish a thousand in two months.
And then, you have a program of revision.
Your child will memorize the Qur’an.
He will do everything.
But on one condition—
All the other distractions—you get rid of them.
Your house is a place where Allah is always remembered.
Subhanahu wa ta’ala.
Third Point:
You have to get rid of Al-Mukhalifat al-Shari’ah—
Things that go against the Shari’ah that are in our households.
There are things in our religion you’re not allowed to have in your house.
And I’ve already mentioned—
From those things:
- Music
- Giving children mobile phones at a very early age
- Not knowing what they are doing with their phones
Right?
What are the children actually doing with the phone?
It’s problematic.
Parents actually think—
"The child is upstairs in his room and hasn’t come out. He’s a good boy."
That was back in the days.
Nowadays—
Children are selling drugs on Instagram.
They don’t even need to leave the house.
Everything is done online.
Don’t expose your children to the trials and tribulations out there.
Al-Mukhalifat al-Shari’ah.
The things that harm the religion—
Don’t let them come into the household.
One of the things that people do is Al-Mukhalifat al-Shari'ah
Al-Ikhtilat.
If you have daughters, don’t let men come to your house.
A lot of people take this lightly.
And there are ample examples, many situations that have been brought to my attention.
People have asked me questions about cases where young girls have gone through bad experiences—
Because a family member was brought into the house, and he could sit and do whatever he wanted.
In our religion, no man can just come into your household.
Protect your children.
Protect your sons.
Protect your daughters.
Don’t let anybody come into the house.
And if they do come—it's under your supervision.
Under whose supervision?
Their own supervision?
No.
Even some people—
They trust their children with the Qur'an teacher just to teach their daughters—
Without any man’s supervision.
If your daughter is a bit big, or in a time when it’s scary—
Have a male figure in your house when your children are being taught.
Sit there.
The Prophet ﷺ prohibited this.
He said ﷺ:
"Be cautious of entering upon the women."
A man alone in a room with women only?
Your daughters are big now.
They’re 14, 15, 16.
No one is allowed to stay with them by themselves.
Even the Qur'an teacher.
Some people—
They bring a raqi to the house.
And say:
"Do ruqyah on my wife and daughters."
Stay there.
She’s going to do something?
Sit there. Watch.
Are we all together, brothers?
These things harm your household.
They destroy your household.
Are we all together?
There are scary situations happening.
We don’t know who to trust anymore, right?
We don’t know.
Our religion has commanded us to protect these things.
Things that come into the household which are haram—protect it.
And the Shari'ah has already set these boundaries.
But our culture sometimes is very lenient in these issues.
What are they?
"He’s an uncle."
How is he an uncle?
He’s a far-fetched uncle, right?
We have to be very careful, brothers and sisters.
Who comes into the house—we need to be careful.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
"A man should not be alone with a woman without there being a mahram."
Sometimes a brother is living in your household,
And you leave the house.
And your wife is by herself in the house.
That’s not something you should do.
That’s not something you should do.
There are situations that came to my attention like this—
Where a brother and a husband—issues happened between his brother’s wife.
All of this is simple to solve.
How?
A man should not be alone with a woman unless there’s a mahram, right?
These are the steps that Islam has set.
And these are the responsibilities—
On you as a father.
On you as a husband.
For your own household—to protect it.
Praying in the House
We all think of the brothers.
But also, brothers and sisters—
One of the things that needs to be done when it comes to the household is:
Some of the brothers—
They pray in the masjid all the time.
But you have daughters, and you don’t have sons, for example.
And they don’t see you praying in the house.
It might have an effect on them.
Even if you’re praying in the masjid.
That’s why Islam legislated that you pray the sunnah in the house.
We all think of the brothers.
So your children and your family see you praying in the house.
So Isha Sunnah?
Go home and pray it at home.
The two rak’ah sunnah before Fajr?
What do you do?
You pray it in your household before you leave.
Every sunnah you can—pray it in the house.
So your children see it.
If you’ve got sons—bring them to the masjid.
Let them pray in the masjid.
Especially in the West right now—
The Islamic community is what?
The masjid.
In Muslim countries—
There’s more.
They see Islam on the streets.
But in this country—
Islam for them is only the masjid.
Are we all together?
And the house.
Take them out of the house.
Bring them to the masjid.
Where they see people praying, fasting, reading Qur'an.
But also—
Try to nurture your children with discipline at home.
So that when they come to the masjid—
They don’t cause trouble.
Where people can’t ponder and contemplate.
The Fourth Point: Teaching Basic Manners
The next point I want to mention—
I’m going to conclude with this one—
Is the fourth one:
Teaching your children basic manners at home.
You can always see a child when he’s disciplined.
When he has akhlaq.
And this is something I’m telling you, brothers.
A lot of us don’t do this.
Teaching them Istidhan.
Your children—
You can pass away.
Someone else might raise them.
Raise your children so that anybody who takes over—
It’s easy for them to raise your children.
They’re well-disciplined.
Sah?
Your children are going to intermingle with other people.
You nurture them in that way—
So that if they go somewhere, they’ve got discipline.
The children—
Don’t let them go into any room they want.
You teach the child—
"This is Dad’s room. You can’t enter Mom and Dad’s room."
"You can never enter this room."
As kids—
We were never allowed to go into Mom and Dad’s room.
Ever.
Even if the door was open.
That was a room you don’t enter.
You teach your children—
If the boy wants to enter his sister’s room—
He has to knock three times.
And if the sister says to him, "No."
"فَإِنْ قِيلَ لَكُمُ ارْجِعُوا فَارْجِعُوا"
Then go back.
This is her room.
He doesn’t just enter onto his sister—
Wearing...?
I mean—taking her clothes off?
Are we all together, brothers?
Parenting with Discipline and Responsibility
One of the things I do for my children—
I give them gifts every week to whoever’s room is clean.
So you teach them—
Everyone has to clean their beds.
Some of the things that I have to be honest about—
Somali families—what do we do?
We make the boys do nothing.
صح؟
And who does everything?
The girls.
So when the boy grows up—
He becomes a problem to himself and to society.
He takes off his clothes wherever he wants—
And his sister comes and picks it up after him.
سؤال أخلاق؟ سؤال أدب؟
And then that boy grows up—
And he starts to intermingle with other people.
Are we all together, brothers?
So the boy has to do his own things.
If he eats—he has to wash his own dishes.
Sorry, brothers.
If you eat on a plate—
I’m not going to let my daughter wash my son’s plate.
He has to do his own plate.
صح؟
He also has to clean his room.
He has to clean his bed.
He has to do all of that.
It’s a must.
Just like the girls have to do it for themselves.
Everyone has to do their own work.
And the gifts are based on that.
Teaching Children Privacy & Manners
You teach your children not to peep inside doors.
Children are very nosy.
And sometimes—
They see things that are unnecessary and not allowed for them.
You have to nurture your children.
Don’t peep inside the holes of the doors.
Don’t look down.
Don’t look at the sides.
Don’t just open doors.
Also, أدب الأخلاق when they go to the toilet.
Some children are حفاظ.
Somali kids—
Sometimes, you see them—
They’ve memorized half of the Qur'an.
And he’s urinating standing up.
And then he tucks it in later without even cleaning himself.
If you’re a madrasa Qur'an teacher—
You see that a lot.
He’s in Surah Al-Anbiya—
But what is he doing?
He doesn’t have those basic manners.
أحكام الطهارة is missing from him.
Are we all together?
The Punishment for Not Cleaning Yourself Properly
The Prophet ﷺ said—
These two people are being punished.
The Prophet ﷺ was passing by a grave—
He saw two people in the grave.
He said:
"Both of these two people are being punished.
And they’re not being punished for something big."
And one of the two was what?
إِنَّهُ كَانَ لَا يَسْتَنْزِهُ مِنَ الْبَوْلِ
He never used to clean himself from urine properly.
عذاب القبر comes from not cleaning yourself properly from urine.
You need to teach your children this.
Because it leads to عذاب القبر.
صح؟
Teaching Tawheed from a Young Age
The Prophet ﷺ said in a hadith—
Where he was teaching a young boy—
عبد الله بن عباس.
He said:
"يا غلام، إني أعلمك كلمات."
Which means—
To nurture the child upon توحيد.
Sometimes, call your children.
Sit them down.
Tell them—
"I’m going to teach you concepts."
"Learn this. Memorize this."
I remember when I was young—
We used to go to school.
But in the morning, before we went to school—
Abu used to sit us down.
Who?
Abu.
Abu means Dad.
My father used to sit us down—
Before Fajr.
I mean Salatul Fajr.
We would pray Salatul Fajr together—
As a jama’ah.
Seven of us.
With my mom—eight.
That was our own jama’ah.
We would all pray.
My father would make every day—
Someone would lead the Salah.
Okay?
And my father would listen to our Qur'an.
To see if we read the Qur'an correctly in the Salah.
Whenever we finished Salah—
My father would sit down.
For 10-15 minutes.
While he was getting breakfast ready.
Abu would give us a reminder.
About the Akhirah.
About Liqa'ullah.
About the meeting with Allah.
He would do Tafsir of some Ayahs.
One day he would pick one topic.
Another day he would pick another.
And he would teach us.
And then—
We would go to school.
A Father's Role in Filtering What the Child Learns
What was the first thing we heard in the morning?
Concepts about the Deen.
Right?
When I grew older—
I asked my father.
And then later, when we came from school—
My father was at home.
He would talk to us.
"What happened today?"
"What was school like?"
"What did you see?"
My father wanted to do this—
Before we went to school, he wanted to pour as much good into our hearts and minds.
And when we came back from school—
He wanted to remove any filth or bad concepts that we learned.
Good.
Six hours you’re going to have this child.
And in the morning—
He leaves your house.
And you don’t teach him anything?
And then he comes back—
And you don’t remove the bad things he picked up?
And this carries on for many years.
It’s a problem.
It’s an entire mission.
It’s a lifelong mission.
You lose your social life.
You won’t have anyone to socialize with anymore.
And all of that—
Is a discipline you need to come up with.
Final Words
Those are the main points I wanted to mention.
Anything that I have said—
That was wrong or incorrect—
It is from me and Shaytan.
And Allah and His Messenger are free from it.
Subhanaka Allahumma wa bihamdik.
Ashhadu an la ilaha illa Anta.
Astaghfiruka wa atubu ilayk.
