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You're about to watch a special one-off lecture delivered by Ustad Abdur Rahman Hassan on the topic of raising righteous children and developing an Islamic-friendly household. If you have young children of your own, then we highly recommend you check out our brand new one-year junior mentorship program for boys and girls aged between 7 and 19. You can find out more details and enroll by visiting www.amujunior.com.
This topic, an Islamic Muslim household, is a topic that I was collecting benefits from books that I go across and I read mainly for myself because of my children, how I want to raise them. Alhamdulillah, Allah has blessed me with eight kids, four boys and four girls. And so I hope inshallah ta'ala I become a good role model and a good father towards them. So these points inshallah ta'ala are points I've collected from my reading and the benefits that I got from within the books.
Whenever I find a benefit, I add it into my little notebook that I have and inshallah ta'ala I hope to share with you all. I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala he makes us each and every one of us people who are beneficial for themselves and also beneficial for the community and their own household.
Brothers and sisters, the word al-buyut, house, if you think about it, it's a place where you find tranquility and ease. There's a noble companion by the name of This hadith al-Imam al-Tirmidhi mentioned in his jami' that Uqba ibn Amir one day came to the prophet and he said ya rasulullah man najah. He said oh messenger of Allah, what is success? He's looking for something. And so the prophet told him that success is connected to three things.
The prophet said to him hold your tongue. Second thing the prophet told him was which is what we're going to talk about today. And the third thing the prophet told him was cry over your mistakes and your shortcomings that you've come with.
The prophet told him three things is what success lies in. The first one he said was what hold your tongue because we know the dangers of the tongue Everything we say is what it's written. So the tongue and its dangers we've had many lectures and speeches over that.
But the topic that I want to speak about today is Success is when your household is a place where you can come to when trials and tribulations are on the streets. Allah tells us in surah the blessings that he's bestowed upon us subhanahu wa ta'ala. Allah says What does sakana mean? Tranquility.
Allah says Allah tells us here and then after that Allah says Allah tells us it's a blessing that we have what? Allah makes your household a place of what? Tranquility. A place of what? Ease. But why is it that a lot of the people don't find that in their households? That tranquility is missing from them.
Why is there no happiness in the households? The majority of questions I get asked is about marital problems Overwhelming majority are questions related to I have a problem in my house what shaykh can you help me? I remember Shaykh Abdul Aziz ibn Nubayz there's a research that was done or a collection of incidents about the life of Shaykh Abdul Aziz ibn Nubayz One of the shuyukhs I met in Qasid in Zulfi. His name is shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibrahim Al-Hamid He collected some of the works of Shaykh Nubayz The letters that were sent between Shaykh Nubayz and other shuyukhs and whatnot. In there he mentions not in that particular book but in one of the books that Shaykh Nubayz was asked what were the most frequent questions you were asked about? The people tend to ask and he says marriage and divorce related issues issues related to people's households.
So inshallah I want to inshallah set points that I believe can make each and every one of our households a place where we find tranquility when we come home when we're married when we have children we can have a good household where we find tranquility.
So it's bullet points inshallah write them down. It's so much I wrote written so I'm just trying to extract the points from it. The first one is The first thing that we need to do brothers is if we want our households to be good we have to build our households on what? On piety from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala Allah tells in the Quran Eat drink don't go overboard Allah doesn't like those who go overboard The Muslim in his household with his wife and his spouse and his children he nurtures them upon halal income what you bring to the household to your wife and your children is what the ayah mentions Eat and drink and don't go overboard.
Some of the Mufassireen they mentioned here encompasses every form of haram Encompasses what? Every form of haram means don't go overboard You know the famous hadith This hadith teaches us that there's a boundary that are set by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala right These are the boundaries that are set by Allah.
So what is upon us brothers is what? Based on this ayah Don't go outside our boundaries and try to look for haram for your family If you bring haram to your children they grow up upon haram. That's why a lot of these kids that you're seeing brothers and sisters who are selling drugs who are the way that they are is because the way that they were nurtured was haram income. The parents were bringing money that was haram Government money that was taken that wasn't legally taken and the list goes on.
But look at the other brothers it has an effect Every flesh that is nurtured upon haram can now be the owner. The hellfire has rights The prophet tells in the hadith He's a traveler.
He's traveling. He's cutting distance. He ate haram.
He's traveling. He's stressed. He's in hardship This man is going through a lot of hardship He raises his hands up into the sky he says My lord my lord Allah says What he ate is haram What he drank was haram He was nurtured upon haram How can this man's dua ever be accepted? So your children brothers The rizq that you bring them let it be halal.
Did you bring them? I read the tarjama of Right Is one of the great scholars of islam his father It was said that he used to be a slave Or he was just a slave for a master Used to work for his slave master and one day the master said to mubarak go and get me a fruit Get me a fruit from the garden But this fruit that you get me from the garden let it be a fruit that is what The juicy get me a fruit a juicy fruit And mubarak went into the garden he brought an apple he gave it to the master the master took the apple he bit it And he said to mubarak I told you to get me a juicy apple Why is he why did you get this? He said I wouldn't know what fruit in your garden is juicy or not. I've never eaten from your garden I've never taken And the master said I have a question The fruits that drop on from the tree that fall on the floor You don't take from any of them. He said no not at all Have you given me permission for it? No Why am I going to take you? Mubarak gave birth to who? Abdullah ibn Mubarak Abdullah ibn Mubarak went to Ismail ibn Ulayya, Hamad ibn Zayd Great imams of his time and he used to pay for their wages Abdullah ibn Mubarak used to say to them Don't take money from the leaders and anyone.
I'm going to provide for you I am going to be the person who's going to give you the wealth And he used to give money to them His son became rich Abdullah ibn Mubarak used to say that he sometimes used to come into the village and he would say to the people All of you guys, your Hajj is on me this year How wealthy Allah made him This is his son And he became an imam Yushar ibn al-Banat People would come to him from all directions to take knowledge from him Rahimahullahu Rahmatan wa Raheem Why? Because his father Consumed halal Are you with me brothers?
I met in my life People Who don't have much knowledge They didn't They didn't even raise their children with this big Islamic knowledge But guess what they did? They brought halal to the house They made sure no haram income came Into the house And Allah saved their children Are we all together brothers?
So the first thing if you want to have an Islamic household Brothers Is You have to build a house with what? You have to build a household with Taqwa from Allah If we want to see good for our children You are going to be rewarded for everything You bring to your house A person will be rewarded Upon the provision All of the provision That you bring home to your family You will be rewarded for it Even the Food that you place in the mouth of your wife You will be rewarded for it So make sure it's halal If you Bring haram to your wife's home Few days later There is going to be a fight between you two Some of the salafis They used to say We disobey Allah We disobey Allah And we see the effect of that And we see the effect of our sins On our writing And our wives Right? Allah says Allah doesn't change the affairs Of the people until they change their affairs The way you can build your household Upon piety Also is Choosing a righteous wife He mentions in there One of the rights That the people have on you Is that you Nurture your children properly We have rights On each of you I have rights on all of you And you have rights on me That I nurture my children properly Why? Because your child When he is released into the community He is either going to bring them good or bad Who is he going to rob? Who is he going to take from their belongings? Who is he going to sell drugs to? These are rights that the people have on you And when you forsake your responsibility The community suffers It becomes a harm to the society There is not a person Allah places a responsibility on them And they forsake their responsibility And they come to the day of judgment With not fulfilling their responsibility Jannah will be made haram for them.
So you choose a righteous wife For your children Which woman can you trust To be the mother of your children? Oh I saw her on TikTok Oh I saw her on Instagram I saw her on Facebook That's not enough This is the woman you want to be the mother of your children Is she worthy of being the mother of your children? Same to you sisters Oh I saw him Uploading videos of him in the gym I saw this and that Is this man worthy Of being the father of your children? The Prophet told us This dunya is a short Period of joy The best thing in this dunya brothers is what? A righteous wife I can vouch for that For my children Even though I want to teach the Quran and everything to them I can reassure you all I couldn't do it by myself I tried to teach my own children I tried to I couldn't do it without their mother 99.9% Of the effort of my children She put it in them You need a woman who's going to do that for you Who's going to sit down and nurture your children She's not on Facebook and Twitter And posting all day The same with the sisters You have a brother who's going to provide for you And take care of you And put all his energy and effort In you and your children Or is he just outside and about On the street corner standing
The Prophet said A woman is married for one of four reasons The Prophet said That a woman is married for one of four reasons Her beauty Her lineage Her wealth and her religion The Prophet said marry her for her religion And it has been dusted The woman that you're marrying And the woman that you've chosen to be the mother of your children Has to be one that you've handpicked You thought about her You assessed the situation properly Why? Because it's rights that your children have on you Your children have rights on you And the rights that they have on you Is that you chose this woman to be their mother If you're doing something in the house And the mother is doing something else in the house It's not going to work Same with you sister If you're trying to achieve a goal with your children And the father wants something else from the children You're not going to reach the goal When is the building going to be complete? If you're building it Someone is taking the bricks out from the bottom If you're trying to build a strong household And you're trying to nurture good children But your wife is taking the bricks out from the bottom Or your husband is taking the bricks out from the bottom When? When is the building going to be full?
The Prophet said A person should have a heart That expresses gratitude Shukr brothers What does it do? It's Gratitude What does it do for you? It brings you the blessings that you don't have And it will allow the blessings That you currently have to remain for you And to what? To take a tongue that's going to remember Allah Or Or a woman who's righteous Who's going to help you with what? The affairs of the dunya She's going to help you with the affairs of the hereafter Your wife comes up to you And she says to you These days you've not been brought to the masjid to pray salat I think you need to fix up You're slacking on the jama'a in the masjid You're going to do that insha'Allah I need to work harder JazakAllah khair She helps you with that Whenever you're not giving enough da'wah She's like go do da'wah And the same with the brother Whenever the wife is lacking her iman and it's going down He's helping her, he's pushing her That's when you're going to find happiness brothers When Allah was saying The second of the world And the wife was the second Who do you find tranquility with? The house is meant to be a tranquility And the wife is a tranquility Both
So the first point insha'Allah As I mentioned brothers is The second insha'Allah Is We should make our house That we make the house a place Where Allah is always remembered Everyday me and my wife And my children should be remembering Allah A lot in this house Is the husband Is the wife Allah has prepared for those two partners A great reward Because they remember Allah Allah says Remember Allah a lot In your household Is there a big 50 inch plasma television What is the conversation that goes about Happens between you and your wife Are you talking about the akhira What is What are the things that are going on in your house My advice to brothers is If you have television in your house The biggest problem Get rid of these gadgets that people are Distracting their children with One of the reasons why people Buy television And make their children watch these television Is because they have not got The energy to sit down with their children And talk They want to preoccupy their children with these gadgets Use it, use it Have fun with that But what you don't understand is Your child is going to be nurtured And cultivated by these YouTube videos The time that you've chosen Not to give your child And you let You let something or someone else Do that job for you Has an effect on the relationship between you and your child Yes, it's consuming It needs energy when it comes to children If you want to reap The benefits later, that's what you need to do now Children ask a lot of questions They ask a lot of questions They are wide and never finishing, right Once you answer that question Why That relationship is very Important for the child And it is also important for their growth And it strengthens the bond Between you and them
Take the television out of the house And as a father, you spend that time With your child Tell them stories about when you were young The things that you did Let the mother do that as well Let her tell her story to the children One of the things I remember When I was young was My mother used to buy sweets A pack of sweets She would sit us all around We weren't allowed to have television in the house My father never allowed it We were banned from having television And my father never used to even let us Go to other people's houses Because they had television in their houses We had a very strict household So because of that My mother would have to spend every time with us My mother would get a pack of sweets And she would sit us on the floor And she would give us that sweets And she would ask us Which surah is after Humaza The surah at the top and the surah below it She's got a big mushaf on her thighs And whenever you got it right She would give you a sweet From surah al-Baqarah to surah al-Nas My mother She would make sure she taught us the takheeb of the surah She was the person who taught me that Every surah one after the other Al-Baqarah to surah al-Nas The order of those surahs she taught me She would test you What's below it Surah al-An'am What's above it, what's below it Surah al-Bayyinah What's above it, what's below it She would test us Learning when you're young is like carving in a rock Don't make your child lose that childhood Period of time that he has The first 12 years of the child's life Is vital Don't waste it Your child Has to have memorized The Qur'an Before he reaches the age of 4 All of that has to be memorized All of the sciences he has to have memorized A small little tool for it Al-Ajrumiya Al-Qasr al-Sukar Which is another Amir al-Sul'ani Al-Sharif al-Din al-Imriti Is another one All of those little books Before 12 Can it be done? How lucky Take everything away from him Install your energy And your time and your effort in him Every two months your child can finish Al-Fiya Because each day he's going to memorize 16 lines 16 lines a day He'll finish a thousand in two months Or something He will do Every two months And then you have a program of revision Your child will memorize the Qur'an He'll do everything But with the condition that all the other distractions You get rid of them Your house is a place where Allah has always remembered Subhanahu wa ta'ala
Number three The third point inshallah Is Is You have to get rid of Al-Mukhalifat al-Sharia Things that go against the Sharia which are in our households There are things in our religion You're not allowed to have in your house And I've already mentioned From those things on music Giving children mobile phones At a very early age And not knowing what they are doing With their phones Right What are the children actually doing With the phone It's problematic Parents actually think The child's upstairs in his room And he has Not come out He's a good boy That was back in the days Nowadays Children are selling drugs on Instagram They don't even need to leave the house They just pop out one minute And come back upstairs Everything is now done online right Don't give your children Don't expose your children to the trials and tribulations Out there Al-Mukhalifat al-Sharia The things that are harmful to the religion Don't let it come into the household
One of the things that people do Is Al-Mukhalifat al-Sharia Al-Ikhtilat If you have daughters Don't let men come to your house A lot of people take this lightly And there are Ample examples Many situations That have been brought to my attention People have asked me questions about Cases where young girls Have gone through bad experiences Because a family member Was brought into the house And he could sit and do whatever he wanted In our religion No man can just come into your household Protect your children Protect your sons Protect your daughters Don't let anybody come to the house And if they do come, it's under your supervision Under whose supervision? Their own supervision Even some people They trust their children with the Quran teacher Just to teach their daughters without Without any man's supervision If your daughter is a bit big Or in a time when it's scary Have a male figure Be in your house When your children are being taught Sit there The Prophet ﷺ He prohibited He said ﷺ Be cautious of entering upon the women A man in a room With women only Your daughters are big They're 14, they're 15 They're 16 No one's allowed to stay with them by themselves Even the Quran teacher Some people they bring A raki to the house And say to look here on my wife and daughters Stay there She's going to do something Sit there, watch Are we all together brothers?
These things they harm your household They destroy your household Are we all together? There are scary situations that are happening We don't know who to trust anymore, right? We don't know Our religion has commanded us To protect these These things that come into the household Which are haram, protect it And the Shari'a has already Our culture Sometimes is very lenient in these issues What are they? What's going on? He's an uncle How's he an uncle? He's a far-fetched uncle Right? We have to be very careful brothers and sisters That come into the house we need to be careful The Prophet said A man should not be alone with a woman Without there being a mahram Sometimes a brother is living in your household And you leave the house And your wife is by herself in the house That's not something you should do That's not something you should do There are situations that came to my attention That are like this Where a brother and a husband Issues happen between his brother's wife All of this is simple to solve How? A man should not be alone with a woman Unless there's a mahram, right? These are steps Islam has set And these are the responsibilities On you as a father On you as a husband For your own household to protect it
We all think of the brothers Also brothers and sisters The things that need to be done When it comes to household is Another thing before I move on Is that Some of the brothers They pray in the masjid all the time But you have Daughters and you don't have sons for example And they don't see you Praying in the house It might have an effect on them Even if you're praying in the masjid That's why Islam legislated That you pray the sunnah in the house We all think of the brothers So your children and your family See you praying in the house So isha sunnah Go home and pray at home The two rak'ah sunnah Before fajr What do you do? You pray in your household before you leave Every sunnah if you can pray in the house Don't go pray in your house So your children see it If you've got sons bring them to the masjid And let them pray in the masjid Especially the west right now The community The islamic community brothers is what? Is the masjid And in muslim countries there's more They see on the streets, islamic stuff And in this country Islam for them is only the masjid And we all together And the house Take them out of the house And bring them to the masjid Where they see people praying And fasting and reading Quran But also Try to nurture your children with discipline At home so that when they come to the masjid They don't cause trouble to the people Where they can't Ponder and contemplate
The next point That I want to mention I'm going to conclude with that one Is the fourth one Is Teaching your children basic manners At home You can always see your child when he's disciplined When he has akhlaq And this is something I'm telling you brothers A lot of us don't do Teaching them istighdan Your children You can pass away, someone else might raise them Raise your children so anybody who takes over It's easy for them to raise your children They're well disciplined صح Your children are going to intermingle with other people You nurture them in that way Where if they go somewhere They've got discipline The children don't let them go into any room they want You teach the child This is dad's room, you can't enter mom and dad's room You can never enter this room As kids we were never allowed to go into mom and dad's room Ever Even if the door was open That's a room you don't enter You teach your children If the boys want to enter his sister's room He has to knock three times And if the sister says to him No إذا قيل لكم رجعوا فرجعوا This is their room He doesn't just enter onto his sister Wearing, I mean Taking her clothes off We all together brothers
One of the things I do to my children is I give them gifts Every week Whoever's room is clean So you teach them Everyone has to clean their beds Some of the things that I have to be honest Somali family members We do is We make the boys not do anything صح And who does everything? Girls So when the boy grows up He's a problem To himself and to society He takes off his clothes Where he wants And his sister comes and picks it up after him سؤال أخلاق سؤال أدب That when that boy goes And he starts to intermingle with other people Yes We all together brothers So the boy has to do his own things If he eats he has to wash his own dishes Sorry brothers If you eat your plate I'm not going to let my daughter Wash my son's plate He has to do his own plate صح He also has to what? He also has to clean his room He has to clean his bed He has to do all of that It's a must Just like the girls have to do it for themselves Everyone has to do their own work And the gifts are based on that You teach your children Not to peep Inside doors Children are very nosy And sometimes they see Things that are unnecessary and not allowed for them You have to nurture your children Don't peep inside the holes of the doors And don't look down and don't look at the sides And don't just open doors Also أدب الخلاق When they go to the toilet Some children are حفاظ Somali kids Sometimes you see them half of the Quran And he's urinating standing up And then he tucks it in later Without even cleaning himself If you're a madrasa Quran teacher You see that a lot You're in surah al-anbiya What are you doing? He doesn't have those basic manners حكام الطهارة Is missing from him And we all together
The prophet said These two people are being punished And the prophet was gone by a grave He saw two people in the grave He said both of these two people Are being punished And they're not being punished for something big And from the one of the two was what? إِنَّهُ كَانَ لا يَسْتَلْزِغُ مِنَ الْبَوْنِ He never used to clean himself from the urine Properly عذاب القبر comes from not cleaning yourself Properly from the urine You need to teach your children This is It leads to عذاب القبر صح؟
The prophet ﷺ he said in a hadith Where he was teaching a young boy عبد الله بن عباس He said يا غلام إِنِّي أُعَلِّمُكَ كَلِمَةً Which is to nurture the child Upon توحيد Sometimes call your children Sit them down So I'm going to teach you concepts, learn this, memorize this I remember when I was young We used to go to school In the morning before we went to school Abu used to sit us down Abu He used to sit Abu means dad My father used to sit us down before Fajr I mean Salatul Fajr We would pray Salatul Fajr Together as a jama'a Seven of us, my mom, eight That was our own jama'a So we would all pray My father would make every day Someone would lead Okay My father would listen to our Quran And see if we read the Quran right In the Salah Whenever we leave the Salah, my father would sit down And he would tell us about 10-15 minutes while he was getting breakfast ready Abu would give us a reminder About Akhirah Liqa'ullah, the meeting of Allah He would do Tafsir of some ayats One day he would pick Things like that my father would pick And he would teach us And then we go to school
What was the first thing that we heard When we woke up in the morning Concepts about the deen right When I grew older I asked my father And then later when we come from school My father would be at home He would talk to us about what happened that day What was school like, what did we see My father wanted to do this Before we went to school he wanted to Pour what khair he could in our hearts and minds And when we came from school He wanted to take anything that was filthy And bad out of our hearts Good Six hours you're going to have this child And in the morning he leaves your house And you don't teach him anything And then he comes back And you don't pour out the bad concepts That he learnt And this carries on for many years It's a problem It's an entire mission It's a life long mission You lose your social life You won't have anyone to Socialize with anymore And all of that is a discipline That you need to come up with
Those are the main points I wanted to mention Anything which I have said That was wrong or incorrect is for me Shaitan and Allah and his messenger Are both free from it Subhanaka Allahumma walhamdulillah Alhamdulillah la ilaha illallah astaghfirullah
