Are you struggling in your marriage? The Qur'an already has the answer.
Every couple enters marriage with high hopes—dreams of love, companionship, and a lifetime of happiness. Yet, somewhere along the way, many find themselves in endless cycles of frustration, misunderstanding, and emotional distance. Arguments escalate, affection fades, and the bond that once felt unbreakable starts to crack.
Why does this happen? And more importantly, how can it be fixed?
Too often, couples search for solutions in self-help books, relationship podcasts, or advice from friends who may be just as lost. But what if the answers were already given—revealed over 1400 years ago in the words of Allah ﷻ and the guidance of the Prophet ﷺ?
The Qur’an is not just a book of history or law; it is a manual for life—including marriage. The solutions to marital problems are already there, waiting to be understood and applied.
This article dives into one of the most profound verses about marriage—an ِyah that holds the key to building love, tranquillity, and lasting companionship. Whether you are newly married, facing challenges, or simply want to strengthen your relationship, these divine principles will provide clarity and guidance.
It’s time to stop guessing. Let’s explore the timeless wisdom of the Qur’an and Sunnah and uncover what truly makes a marriage strong.
Marriage: A Divine Sign and a Blessing
Allah ﷻ says in the Qur’an:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
"And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves spouses that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who reflect." (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)
This ayah is profound, offering a divine framework for marriage. It highlights three essential elements that form the foundation of a strong relationship:
- Tranquility (سَكِينَة) – A peaceful companionship.
- Affection (مَوَدَّة) – Love and emotional fulfillment.
- Mercy (رَحْمَة) – Compassion and care.
Understanding these principles and applying them in daily life can transform a struggling marriage into one filled with serenity and fulfillment.
1. The Nature of Men and Women in Marriage
The Origin of Man and Woman
Ibn Abbas رَضِيَ ٱللَّٰهُ عَنْهُمَا explained the creation of the first couple:
خَلَقَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى آدَمَ مِنْ تُرَابٍ وَخَلَقَ حَوَّاءَ مِنْ آدَمَ
"Allah created Adam from dust, and He created Hawwa from Adam."
This creation process provides deep insight into human nature. Adam عليه السلام was made from the earth, signifying his inclination toward work, provision, and responsibility. His focus is outward—his profession, financial stability, and role as a provider.
Hawwa (Eve), on the other hand, was created from Adam, indicating that her primary emotional connection is to her husband. Women naturally seek emotional security, attention, and love from their spouses.
Recognizing Each Other’s Needs
If a husband does not acknowledge his wife’s emotional needs, or if a wife fails to appreciate her husband's concerns about provision and responsibility, conflicts arise. Men and women must recognize these fundamental differences and work towards fulfilling each other’s inherent needs.
2. The Purpose of Marriage: Seeking Tranquility
The Ayah states:
لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا
"So that you may find tranquility in them." (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)
Marriage is meant to be a source of peace. If a relationship is full of stress, arguments, and emotional detachment, it contradicts the very essence of what marriage should be. A relationship devoid of tranquility leads to instability and dissatisfaction.
The مفهوم المخالفة (inverse understanding) of this ayah tells us that someone who is unmarried or in a troubled marriage may lack this tranquility. This is why Islam emphasizes the importance of maintaining a healthy and fulfilling marital bond.
3. How to Attain Tranquility in Marriage: Two Key Ingredients
Allah ﷻ provides the formula for a successful marriage:
وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً
"And He placed between you affection and mercy." (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)
Affection (مَوَدَّة): The Fulfillment of Desires
Affection in marriage includes emotional and physical intimacy. The Prophet ﷺ guided men to fulfill their desires within marriage, preventing temptation outside of it:
إِذَا أَحَدُكُمْ أَعْجَبَتْهُ الْمَرْأَةُ فَوَقَعَتْ فِي قَلْبِهِ فَلْيَعْمِدْ إِلَى امْرَأَتِهِ فَلْيُوَاقِعْهَا فَإِنَّ ذَلِكَ يَرُدُّ مَا فِي نَفْسِهِ
"When a woman fascinates any one of you and she captivates his heart, he should go to his wife and have an intercourse with her, for it would repel what he feels." (Muslim: 1403c)
This hadith highlights that intimacy is a fundamental part of marriage. If desires are left unmet, individuals may seek fulfillment outside the boundaries of halal relationships, leading to adultery and broken homes.
Similarly, a wife also has physical and emotional needs. Many women leave the security of their parents’ home to be with their husband, expecting love, companionship, and intimacy in return. If these needs are ignored, dissatisfaction creeps into the marriage.
Neglecting this aspect of marriage leads to problems. Many marital issues arise because one spouse feels emotionally or physically neglected. A fulfilling intimate relationship strengthens the bond between spouses and reinforces love.
Mercy (رَحْمَة): Compassion and Care
A relationship based solely on physical desires is not sustainable. As couples age, physical intimacy may decrease, but the bond of mercy should remain.
This is why Allah ﷻ placed مَوَدَّة (affection) before رَحْمَة (mercy) in the ayah. In the early years of marriage, passion is at its peak. But as years pass, it is the mercy, care, and understanding between spouses that sustains the relationship.
Marriage should be a sanctuary where both partners feel cared for and understood. Simple acts of kindness—listening, helping, and showing appreciation—can strengthen the bond.
4. The Unique Balance in Marriage: Why Both Love and Mercy Matter
One of the remarkable aspects of this ayah is how both affection (مَوَدَّة) and mercy (رَحْمَة) are mentioned together. If a person seeks only physical gratification, they may find it outside of marriage (through haram means), but they will not find true companionship. On the other hand, one may receive mercy from family members, but without affection, it is not a marital relationship.
Only in a halal marriage does one find both love and mercy combined—a union that fulfills both physical and emotional needs.
5. The Clothing Analogy: A Profound Wisdom in Marriage
Allah ﷻ describes the marital relationship in another beautiful verse:
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ
"They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:187)
What does clothing do for a person?
- Protection – It shields from external harm. Likewise, a spouse protects their partner’s dignity, secrets, and well-being.
- Beauty – Clothing enhances one’s appearance. A good spouse brings joy, comfort, and respect to their partner’s life.
- Comfort – Clothes provide warmth and security. A marriage should be a safe haven of love and support.
This metaphor beautifully illustrates how spouses should care for and complement each other.
Final Thoughts: The Divine Connection Between Creation and Legislation
The One who created us is the same One who designed the blueprint for a successful marriage. Allah ﷻ, the Creator, is also the Legislator.
It is impossible that He ﷻ would create humans with certain needs and then legislate something that contradicts those needs. The guidance provided in the Qur’an and Sunnah aligns perfectly with human nature.
Yet, many fail to seek these solutions, assuming that Islamic teachings are detached from real-life problems. The truth is, every issue—no matter how complex—has an answer in Islam. The only question is whether we are willing to look for it.
If a couple builds their marriage upon the principles of tranquillity, affection, and mercy, they will find the happiness and stability that Allah ﷻ has promised.
May Allah bless all marriages with love, mercy, and tranquillity. آمين.
Take the Next Step: Strengthen Your Marriage with Knowledge
A successful marriage isn’t built on guesswork—it’s built on understanding, wisdom, and the right guidance. Whether you’re preparing for marriage, working through challenges, or even facing the difficult decisions surrounding divorce, the right knowledge can be life-changing.
At AMAU Academy, we offer self-development courses that provide Islamic guidance and practical solutions for every stage of marriage. Don’t let confusion or uncertainty weaken your most important relationships.
Also check out:
How to Solve Marital Problems
How to Handle Divorce
