Imagine spending months planning an event that lasts only a few hours.
For many Muslim families today, that single evening costs $50,000. $75,000. Sometimes well past $100,000 - spent on the venue, the catering, the decorations, the outfits worn once. The guests eat, take photos, and go home. The money is gone. The memories fade.
Now imagine taking that same money and using it to furnish your home, perform 'Umrah or Hajj, support a charitable cause, or simply begin married life without financial pressure.
Which investment would benefit a marriage more?
Celebration or Expectation?
For many Muslims today, the question of what would benefit the marriage more is rarely asked. The wedding itself has become an expectation. Couples often feel that a grand celebration is simply part of getting married, even if it means debt, stress, or customs that have little connection to the Sunnah.
This is not to say that celebrating a marriage is wrong. Quite the opposite.
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ encouraged the Walimah, attended wedding feasts, and instructed his Companions to announce marriages publicly. Islam celebrates marriage. But it celebrates it with gratitude, simplicity, and Barakah, not extravagance, competition, or burden.
The question, then, is not whether we should celebrate a marriage.
The question is whether our weddings resemble the guidance of the Prophet ﷺ or the expectations of the people around us.
Before deciding what your wedding should look like, it is worth asking a more fundamental question:
What exactly is a Walimah, and what did the Prophet ﷺ actually teach about it?
What Exactly Is a Walimah?
Many Muslims think of the Walimah as simply the wedding reception.
Its original meaning, however, is broader.
Linguistically, a Walimah refers to a meal that is prepared and served for people to eat, whether for a joyful occasion or otherwise. Through customary usage, the word became particularly associated with the wedding feast, until this became its most recognised meaning.
The wedding Walimah, therefore, is a meal prepared in connection with the marriage or marriage contract, to which people are invited. It may be held around the time of the contract or afterwards.
Yet a Walimah is more than food.
It helps announce that two Muslims have entered into a lawful union. It allows family members, neighbours, and friends to share in the joy of the occasion, strengthen their ties, congratulate the couple, and make Du‘aa for them.
- The Prophet ﷺ said:
أَعْلِنُوا هَذَا النِّكَاحَ
“Announce this Nikah.” [Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1089]
The Walimah supports this purpose by making the marriage known within the community.
Its purpose is not to impress people, display wealth, prove social status, or produce photographs for strangers to admire online.
This is the first major difference between a Walimah that follows the Sunnah, and a modern lavish wedding: the former is built around the blessing of the marriage, while the latter can easily become centred around the spectacle of the event.
Simplicity or Spectacle?
Modern weddings often measure success by appearance.
Was the venue impressive? Were the decorations elaborate? How was the food? How many desserts? Did the guests leave talking about the event?
The Sunnah measured success differently.
- When ‘Abd Ar-Rahman ibn ‘Awf رضي الله عنه married, the Prophet ﷺ told him:
أَوْلِمْ وَلَوْ بِشَاةٍ
“Hold a Walimah, even if only with a sheep.” [Sahih al-Bukhari 3937]
The Prophet ﷺ encouraged him to hold a Walimah, but he did not command him to compete, borrow money, or create an event beyond his means.
The instruction was to celebrate the marriage according to his ability.
The Prophet’s ﷺ Simple Walimah
Anas رضي الله عنه narrates as found in Sahih al-Bukhari (3937) that the Prophet ﷺ stayed between Khaybar and Madinah for three nights, during which his marriage to Safiyyah was consummated. He states that there was neither bread nor meat at the feast. Rather, the Prophet ﷺ instructed Bilal to spread out the leather mats, and dates, dried yoghurt, and clarified butter were placed upon them.
The value of the meal did not lie in the variety of its dishes. Its blessing did not depend on its price. It was a marriage announced and celebrated according to the means available.
This does not mean that serving good food or holding a beautiful event is prohibited. Allah has permitted His servants to enjoy what is lawful. The issue is not beauty itself, but the standard by which the wedding is judged.
The Sunnah does not teach that a more expensive Walimah is a more successful one.
It teaches that a Walimah succeeds when it fulfils its purpose without disobedience, waste, or unnecessary hardship.
A wedding should help establish a marriage, not financially weaken it before it has properly begun.
The Guest List: Status or Sincerity?
Once the Walimah becomes a social performance, the guest list often follows the same logic.
People are invited because of their status, wealth, influence, family name, or because excluding them may create awkwardness. Meanwhile, those with little social importance may be forgotten.
- The Prophet ﷺ warned against precisely this kind of gathering:
شرُّ الطَّعَامِ طَعَامُ الْوَلِيمَةِ يُدْعَى لَهَا الأَغْنِيَاءُ، وَيُتْرَكُ الْفُقَرَاءُ.
“The worst food is the food of a wedding feast to which the rich are invited while the poor are left out.” [Sahih al-Bukhari 5177]
A Walimah is not meant to become a private gathering for the wealthy. It is an expression of gratitude and community, and the poor should not be excluded from its joy.
Invite Those Who Bring Goodness
- The Prophet ﷺ also said:
لاَ تُصَاحِبْ إِلاَّ مُؤْمِنًا وَلاَ يَأْكُلْ طَعَامَكَ إِلاَّ تَقِيٌّ.
“Do not accompany anyone except a believer, and let none but a person of Taqwa eat your food.” [Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 2395]
This encourages a Muslim to value righteous company and to surround important occasions with people whose presence brings goodness.
It does not mean that every imperfect Muslim, non-practising relative, or person in need of guidance must be excluded. There may be valid reasons to invite others, such as maintaining family ties, fulfilling social responsibilities, or softening someone’s heart towards Islam.
The principle is that the guest list should not be designed merely around prestige. It should reflect the values of the occasion.
Celebration or Compromise?
Islam does not demand that every culture celebrate marriage in exactly the same way.
Different communities have different foods, clothing, languages, customs, and forms of lawful celebration. Islamic law recognises customary practice, or ‘Urf, so long as it does not contradict the commands of Allah.
The problem begins when culture crosses the boundaries of the Shari‘ah or when a custom becomes so dominant that people feel compelled to follow it even when it involves sin.
Culture becomes unacceptable when it:
- introduces prohibited entertainment
- encourages free mixing or immodest dress
- causes the obligatory prayers to be neglected
- creates debt or serious financial hardship
- leads to showing off and competition
- disturbs neighbours and the wider community
- or adopts religious practices that do not belong to Islam
A Muslim wedding should contain joy, but joy does not require disobedience.
When Entertainment Crosses the Line
A clear distinction must be made between what the Sunnah permits and what people later add in its name.
Hiring performers for excessive sums, using musical instruments, broadcasting entertainment through loudspeakers, disturbing others, and continuing into the night are not simply harmless ways of “having fun”.
They can turn a gathering intended for barakah into a gathering of disobedience.
- The Prophet ﷺ said:
لَيَكُونَنَّ مِنْ أُمَّتِي أَقْوَامٌ يَسْتَحِلُّونَ الْحِرَ وَالْحَرِيرَ وَالْخَمْرَ وَالْمَعَازِفَ.
“There will be people from my Ummah who will regard unlawful sexual relations, silk, alcohol, and musical instruments as lawful.” [Sahih al-Bukhari 5590]
Mixed gatherings also create obvious dangers. They may lead to immodest dress, unlawful gazing, inappropriate interaction, and the disappearance of the boundaries Allah established between men and women.
What the Sunnah Permits
However, this does not mean that families cannot celebrate together in an organised and modest manner. Singing among women and beating the duff at a wedding are permitted within the limits explained by the scholars.
Sheikh Ibn Baz رحمه الله stated that singing and beating the duff at weddings is permissible and even recommended, provided that they do not lead to evil. He explained that this should take place among women, during part of the evening, with customary songs that contain acceptable praise of the bride, groom, or their families and are free from objectionable words.
He also emphasised that men should not be present, loudspeakers should not be used, and the celebration should not continue so late that Fajr or other obligations are neglected. [See Majmu’ Fatawa wa Maqalat Mutanawi’ah li-ibn Baz 4/121]
When the Invitation Itself Loses Its Honour
The early scholars understood that a host who introduces open wrongdoing into a Walimah weakens the sanctity of his own invitation.
- Ibn Muflih رحمه الله said:
تَسْقُطُ حُرْمَةُ الدَّاعِي إلَى وَلِيمَةٍ بِفِعْلِهِ مَا لَا يَنْبَغِي.
“The sanctity of the host inviting to a walimah is lost when he does what should not be done.” [Al-Aadab al-Shar’iyyah li-ibn Muflih 1/289]
Accepting an invitation containing evil, such as sinful singing or frivolous entertainment, is different from responding to a lawful Walimah. Since the host has committed something that brings the anger of Allah, he no longer deserves to have his invitation accepted in the same manner. Avoiding the gathering may become a means of rebuking the wrongdoing, so
As you plan your own Nikah, ensure that the celebration itself does not undermine the blessing it was meant to commemorate.
Barakah or Extravagance?
The difference between a Sunnah-based Walimah and a lavish wedding is not always measured by an exact financial figure.
One family may spend an amount comfortably that would financially destroy another. A meal that is ordinary in one country may be luxurious in another.
Extravagance is therefore not defined only by the total price. It is connected to waste, intention, circumstances, and whether wealth is being used in its proper place.
- Allah says:
وَكُلُوا وَاشْرَبُوا وَلَا تُسْرِفُوا ۚ إِنَّهُ لَا يُحِبُّ الْمُسْرِفِينَ
“Eat and drink, but do not be extravagant. Indeed, He does not love the extravagant.” [Al-A’raf 7:31]
- And Allah says:
إِنَّ الْمُبَذِّرِينَ كَانُوا إِخْوَانَ الشَّيَاطِينِ
"Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils." [Surah Al-Isra 17:27]
These warnings apply to weddings just as they apply to every other area of life.
- Imam Malik رحمه الله defined extravagance precisely:
التبذير هو أخذ المال من حقه ووضعه في غير حقه وهو الإسراف.
"Wastefulness is taking wealth from where it rightfully belongs and placing it where it does not rightfully belong. That is extravagance." [Tafsir Al-Qurtubi 10/247.]
This forces us to ask uncomfortable questions.
What does it mean when a couple begins married life in debt because of a single night?
What does it mean when parents use years of savings to satisfy social expectations?
What does it mean when food is prepared in quantities certain to be thrown away, clothing is purchased only to be worn once, and money is spent primarily so that one family will not appear “less” than another?
An expensive wedding is not automatically Haram. Neither is every simple wedding automatically sincere.
The deeper question is what the spending reveals about the heart.
The Salaf Feared Luxury
One of the clearest differences between the culture of lavish weddings and the Sunnah is how each views luxury.
Today, abundance is often seen as something to admire. The more vast the menu, the grander the venue, and the greater the display, the more successful the wedding is considered to be.
The Salaf viewed such matters very differently.
- ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab رضي الله عنه said:
إيّاكُم والتَّنَعُم.
“Beware of luxury.” [Iqtida’ as-Sirat al-Mustaqeem li-ibn Taymiyyah 1/373]
The early Muslims did not condemn every comfort or lawful enjoyment. They feared what constant luxury could do to a person: weakening gratitude, encouraging pride, and making simplicity feel unbearable.
It is also reported that the Tabi’ee ‘Uqbah ibn Wassaj رحمه الله attended a wedding at which numerous dishes were presented. As people began tasting one dish after another, he wept and said:
أَدْرَكْتُ صَدْرَ هَذِهِ الْأُمَّةِ، يَخَافُونَ هَذَا عَلَى آخِرِهَا.
"I witnessed the earliest generation of this Ummah fearing this for those who would come after them."
Thereafter, he would only eat from a single dish. [Al-Joo’ li-ibn Abi ad-Dunya 261]
The Objections We Hear
Even when these principles are understood, applying them can be difficult.
Weddings involve more than two individuals. Parents, extended families, community expectations, and longstanding customs all influence the decisions that are made.
Certain objections appear repeatedly whenever someone suggests holding a simpler wedding.
“We Can Afford It. What Is the Problem?”
Affordability matters, but it is not the only standard.
A wealthy person is not permitted to waste money simply because the loss will not harm them financially.
At the same time, what counts as excess may vary according to circumstances. The same expenditure may be reasonable for one family and reckless for another.
The correct question is not only:
Can we afford it?
It is also:
Is this a wise, grateful, and responsible use of what Allah has given us?
Wealth is a trust. The ability to spend does not mean every possible expense is beneficial.
“It Is Only Once in a Lifetime”
The phrase “once in a lifetime” can be used to justify almost anything.
The first night of marriage is also once in a lifetime. So is the first year. So is the opportunity to begin married life without debt, resentment, or the memory of family disputes.
A moment being unrepeatable does not remove the limits Allah placed upon it.
The real once-in-a-lifetime opportunity is the opportunity to begin the marriage with obedience, clarity, and barakah.
“Our Culture Requires It”
Family pressure is genuine.
Many couples are not making decisions in isolation. They are carrying decades of expectation, concerns about family reputation, and the emotional burden of disappointing parents and relatives.
This should not be dismissed lightly.
Islam does not teach harshness towards family or careless disregard for their feelings. Wisdom, patience, consultation, and gentleness are essential.
But culture does not become revelation merely because it is old.
When a custom remains lawful, it may be respected. When it contradicts the Shari’ah, it cannot be obeyed.
The principle remains:
There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to the Creator.
This does not require insulting relatives or rejecting every cultural practice. A couple may compromise on neutral matters, explain their concerns respectfully, and find alternatives that honour the family without crossing Allah’s limits.
The family’s comfort is a consideration.
It is not a ruling.
“What Will the People Say?”
People will talk whether the wedding is large or small.
They may criticise the food, the venue, the clothing, the guest list, or the timing. Attempting to satisfy everyone can become an endless and impossible task.
A Muslim should not intentionally provoke people or ignore reasonable social considerations. But neither should the fear of criticism become stronger than the fear of Allah.
The same people who criticise a simple Walimah will not repay the debt afterwards. They will not carry the stress into the marriage. They will not answer for the decisions before Allah.
The couple and their families must therefore decide whose approval ultimately matters most.
“People Who Had Big Weddings Are Not Bad Muslims”
Of course not.
The purpose of this discussion is not to condemn people’s past, question their sincerity, or make couples regret events that have already taken place.
Many Muslims followed customs they had never been taught to question. Others faced family pressure or lacked the ability to make independent decisions. Some may have held expensive weddings without falling into extravagance or prohibited practices.
The purpose is not judgement.
It is clarity.
Those who are preparing for marriage deserve the opportunity to distinguish what Islam requires from what people merely expect.
A Marriage Worth Remembering
Years after your wedding, very little of the event will remain.
The decorations will be gone.
The food will be forgotten.
The clothing will be stored away.
Even many of the photographs may rarely be looked at again.
What will remain is your marriage.
That is where the Sunnah directs our attention.
A Walimah should announce the marriage, bring people together, honour guests, feed those in need, and express gratitude to Allah. It should be a celebration marked by joy, generosity, and Barakah, not burdened by extravagance or overshadowed by disobedience.
If you are planning your own Nikah, remember that you are not merely organising an event. You are laying the foundation of a marriage.
Before choosing the venue, ask yourself:
Will this bring us closer to Allah?
Before increasing the budget, ask:
Will this bring more barakah to our marriage?
Before following a custom, ask:
Is this from the Sunnah, or is it simply what people expect?
- When the Prophet ﷺ congratulated someone upon marriage, he said:
بَارَكَ اللَّهُ لَكَ وَبَارَكَ عَلَيْكَ وَجَمَعَ بَيْنَكُمَا فِي خَيْرٍ
“May Allah bless you, shower His blessings upon you, and bring you both together in goodness.” [Sunan Abi Dawud 2130]
This is what the couple needs most.
Not a wedding that becomes the subject of conversation for a few weeks, but a marriage blessed for years.
Not an evening built around admiration, but a life built around obedience.
Not spectacle.
Barakah.
